Watching Doctor Who
by QueenoftheBlackOrder
Summary: Sexy, the TARDIS, pulls two Doctors and some of the companions at the time when they most need each other to watch a TV series broadcasted by Rose from the parallel universe, it's called 'Doctor Who'.
1. Meeting the Gang

**A.N. Hello, my fellow whovians! This is a watching Doctor Who fanfiction, the title is kind of hard to tell, probably, maybe, no, depends on who you are!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Natta! Nope! Nuh-uh!**

Amy groaned, she was propped up against a wall, feeling like she had gone through a typhoon. She could only remember touching the angel and then...Rory!

"Rory!" The Pond's obnoxious scream echoed throughout the room.

"Here." Rory replied. I know, sounds lame.

They stood up, hands on each other's elbows, yelling at each other, trying to figure out what happened. Then, they heard movement.

"Hello?" they yelled down a dark hallway.

No answer, so Amy and Rory did any sane thing, they walked strait down that hallway to a metal door, they turned the brass nob...

The Eleventh Doctor was spending some time with Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax.

The trio knew the Doctor was hurting, so decided not to push it, but they kept a watchful eye on him.

A bright light filled the room, Strax complained that the moon had declared war on them, and they all vanished.

River was sitting in Stormcage, she just returned from her night with the Doctor, well, I wouldn't call it a 'date' exactly, more of a I'm-saving-the-world-again, trip.

"Professor Song," a solider tried to get her attention. "A letter, what is it, who is it from?"

"Spoilers," River put a finger on her lips, used her hallucination lipstick and pranced over to the letter. It looked to be from the Doctor. She opened it and was consumed in a bright light.

Jack, Martha, and the Tenth Doctor were running, running away from the possible alien incursion. Yeah, your usual.

Jack hit some buttons on his vortex manipulator, the Doctor looked at it in disgust. Martha mumbled something about 'Boys and their toys.' again.

When the correct code had been hit a light surrounded them all, and they disappeared. Regular citizens blinking, trying to see if their eyes were deceiving them.

"Doctor, where are we?" Martha groaned, rolling over on her stomach.

"No idea." the Doctor answered.

"Shocker, he doesn't know something!" Jack said sarcastically while investigating the room.

It was a solid room, with no exits, just a couple couches and a TV.

"I think we're here to watch some TV." The Doctor stated the obvious.

"Who are you people?"

They turned around to see who spoke, it was a man with a fairly large nose, and a Scottish red-head behind him. Only slightly, though.

"Captain Jack Harkness, and who are you?" Jack said in a flirty tone.

"My wife!" the man looked stern, "I'm Rory Williams/Pond, and this is Amy Williams/Pond."

Then they turned on the Doctor and Martha, well, that makes them sound evil, they had a genuine smile on their faces as they did so, maybe they were saved from the Angels!

"I'm Martha Jones," she stepped up first, "and this is the Doctor."

"Where? Is he behind that scrawny thing?" Amy yelled.

"No, this is the Doctor." Martha was making a confused face.

"Oh, cut the chase," Jack broke in, "Probably different regeneration, right?"

"Most likely," the Doctor said, "but then what brought all of us here? An outside force..."

"You always thinks that makes you sound so cool." River Song was in the corner, reloading her gun, she had a feeling she might need to discharge it, at Captain Jack.

The Doctor walked up to her, took her gun. She huffed indigently, then he walked up to Jack, and the same thing happened. That left them all with two pouting gunmen, err, also woman.

"River!" Amy and Rory ran and sat beside her.

"I told you there was a reason to declare war on the moon!" a voice sounded generally annoyed.

Martha and the Tenth Doctor turned, yelled Sontaran, then pretty much dropped on the ground.

"Hi, Strax," the rest told him.

"Ma'am, what happened," Jenny groaned on the ground.

"I don't know," (Cue, Lizard Woman! scream) Madame Vastra looked around, "but apparently we're not leaving."

"I don't get, how you people can be so dang cheerful all the time," the Eleventh Doctor told them.

Amy, Rory, and River were about to smile and yell 'Doctor!' together, but, something was off. The Doctor still wore his classic bow-tie. But he wore black instead of the tweed he used to wear. He looked more, gothic.

"Um, hello, Doctor," Amy asked, "What happened to you?" used sass.

"Amelia, Rory the Roman, River!" Eleven's Christmas had come!

They all sat on respective couches. Rory then Amy then the Doctor, then River on one, Vastra, Strax, then Jenny, and Jack, then the Doctor, then Martha on the other.

"So," Martha attempted to make a conversation, "We'll call that Doctor, Eleven, and this one will be Tenny."

Jack flashed his flirty grin.

A face appeared on the screen, which some recognized as Sexy the TARDIS in human form.

"Hello!" her hair was blowing behind her, "I've reached into the timestream and grabbed you all from different spots of time, where you might need each other the most. You are here to watch some TV, Rose introduced the concept in a parallel universe, she made it a TV show called 'Doctor Who'. You ten are going to watch it! Doctors, behave, River, you have a limit on your amo, Jack, you get the idea too. Ta ta!"

"Well, I got the idea that we can't leave if we don't watch it." Jenny brought up helpfully. Rory nodded in agreement.

So, they began the first episode, **Rose.**

**A.N. Like it, love it, hate it, want to feed it to a hungry gorilla?**

**To error is a human, love is divine, to not review is a mistake.**

**Review!**


	2. Rose

**A.N. I'm back! Hey my lovely readers!**

**Review!**

**Disclaimer: I own none!**

"Hey, Doc-Eleven," Amy asked, "The title of the episode is called 'Rose', is it the same Rose that Sexy was talking about from the parallel universe."

"Yes," he looked so sad, so Amy, curse her maternity instincts went over and gave him a hug.

**OPENING CREDITS (without names)**

"Yep," Jack talked to himself, "I was in the time vortex."

"Did you just figure that out?" Eleven banged his head against a random table that appeared there.

"After we pretty much told you?" Martha was confused.

"We could figure it out," Strax added, "By throwing a grenade there, putting a hole in it, to see if you were!"

"NO!" Madame Vastra, Eleven, and Jenny yelled. You could tell some others were resisting too.

**_Camera pans over the planet Earth and zooms right into London. Continue zooming into Rose's alarm clock, which reads 7:30. Rose smacks it to stop it beeping and jumps out of bed. _**

"Alarm clocks," Amy mumbled, "The cause of 1 in 5 every heart attacks."

Rory chuckled, she was right.

**_Rose picks up her bag, gives her mother a peck on the cheek and grabs her keys._**

**ROSE: Bye!**

**JACKIE: See you later! **

**_Jackie sips her tea and picks up the phone._**

Eleven and Tenny face-palm. Then, they looked at each other pointing and smiling.

**_ Rose runs down the stairs of the block of flats where she lives. Rose jumps off a bus. Rose carries a pile of clothes, looking rather bored._****_Presumably in her lunch hour, Rose and Mickey sit next to a fountain, having a laugh, eating, teasing each other and kissing. They get up to leave._**

"Mickey Mouse's gotten it down, somewhat." Jack shrugged.

**ROSE: Bye! **

**_She is shown back in Henricks. _**

**LOUD SPEAKER: This is a customer announcement: the store will be closing in five minutes. Thank you. **

**_Rose is about to leave. _**

**SECURITY GUARD: ****_(hands her a package)_**** Oi! **

"That was rude," River mentioned.

Eleven and Tenny were going to say yeah, it was, but they were too depressed thinking of Rose at the moment.

**_Rose takes the package looking non- too- happy and enters a lift. _**

Amy and Rory shuddered, remembering the time the lift didn't work for them.

**_When the lift pings, she alights in the basement._**

**ROSE: Wilson? ****_(goes further down the corridor) _****Wilson, I've got the lottery money. Wilson? (****_knocks on a door that says 'HP Wilson CEO') _****You there? Look, I can't hang about 'cause they're closing the shop. Wilson! ****_(to herself) _****Uhh, come on!**

"Does she have somewhere she need to be? I would spend more time there." Jenny brought up.

"Not now, Fashion Expert Jenny." Eleven said.

**_There is a sudden sound further along the corridor. Rose immediately snaps her head in the direction it has come from._**

"This is where it usually starts." Jack whispered.

"Figure out what's down there by throwing a grenade." Strax replied.

**ROSE: Hello? Hello, Wilson, it's Rose. Hello? Wil- Wilson? **

"Suspense." Jack mumbled; River was so tempted just to shoot Jack one more time. Just to kill him, a little bit.

**_She stops outside a fire door for a moment, and then opens it, and find herself in a room that looks as though it is used for storing shop dummies. She turns the light on and walks further into the room. _**

**ROSE: Wilson? Wilson?**

**_She tries another door at the side. The fire door through which she entered closes abruptly._**

"I told you all," Jack stood up and pointed at everyone.

"If you beg my pardon, Captain Jack Harkness," Madame Vastra interrupted, "but nobody had questioned you in any manor."

Jack pouted. River put Eleven's hand on her gun.

**_ Shocked, she runs back and shakes the handles, but they will not open. There is small sound from behind her._**

**ROSE: Is that someone mucking about? ****_(goes back into the room) _****Who is it? **

"Mucking, does anyone actually know what that means." Martha looked around the room.

"Nope." Tenny and Jack answered. Tenny looked disgusted, Jack just grinned cheekily.

**_Behind her, a dummy slowly turns its head of its own accord. _**

_Autons, _Amy thought, _like Rory._ Eleven already knew what they were and River was somewhere in between. Rory shuddered, he might've gotten a good nickname from it, but, boy, did it hurt. Especially when he shot Amy. But if that did happen or not, he remembered it, so it happened, it simply had to.

**_Rose turns around just in time to see it step out of its alcove and towards her. She backs away slowly. _**

**ROSE: Heh... you got me, very funny. **

People looked confused. Except for Jack, Eleven, and Tenny, they were thinking of how sweet she was in her ignorance, and how much better she is now.

**_The dummy says nothing and does not stop advancing. Two more join it. _**

**ROSE: Right, I've got the joke! Who's idea was this? Was it Derek's? **

"I take it Derek is the troublemaker of the group?" Jack waggled his eyebrows.

**_The dummies still advance - another comes from behind._**

**ROSE: Derek, is this you? **

**_All of the dummies are now alive. Rose backs up away and trips over a box. She quickly pulls herself up again and backs against a wall. The dummy lifts its arm to strike her._**

Gasps were heard throughout the group.

**_ Rose screws her face up ready for the blow, when a hand grabs hers. Rose opens her eyes and snaps her head to look at the owner of the hand. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Run. **

"Oh, there I am!" Tenny and Eleven yelled.

"That's you?" Amy looked at the screen, cocking her head.

"Yes," Eleven answered, "is that a problem?"

"No!" Rory yelled before Amy could re-open her mouth. The ears that guy had was like an elephant's!

**_They run, just in time, through a fire exit. The dummies are in pursuit. The Doctor leads her into a lift. The doors close on one of the dummy's arms. The Doctor pulls it off and the doors close. _**

**ROSE: You pulled his arm off! **

"That was a rather obvious statement." Madame Vastra looked at the screen.

"We shall teach her with grenades." Strax pointed his finger at the screen.

"Enough with the grenades already!" Jenny answered.

**THE DOCTOR: Yep! ****_(tosses it to her)_**** Plastic. **

**ROSE: Very clever, nice trick! Who were they then, students? Is this a student thing or what?**

"Why students?" Martha asked.

"Because they can't all be as smooth as me." Jack answered her, while rubbing his neck.

River put her hand on her gun as a sign to shut up, Martha gave her a thankful look. Tenny was wondering why his eleventh form seemed so close to this woman.

**THE DOCTOR: Why would they be students?**

**ROSE: I don't know...**

Face palm.

**THE DOCTOR: Well, you said it! Why students?**

"He's burning Rose." Jack whaled, "NO! My poor Rosie!"

Everyone gave him _the look_ while Tenny looked a little jealous and sad at the same time, Eleven was feeling it, but stubbornly decided not to show it.

**ROSE:** **'Cause... to get that many people dressed up and being silly... they gotta be students. ****_The Doctor grins. He likes her._**

"That was fast." River told them. She knew it took her a while to trust the Doctor.

**THE DOCTOR: That makes sense! Well done. **

"You're going to confuse the poor girl." Amy whined. Rory, following like a duckling, nodded.

**ROSE: Thanks. **

**THE DOCTOR: They're not students. **

"I told you all." Amy said when she saw Rose's expression.

"Must I repeat myself?" Madame Vastra looked away from the TV.

"No, ma'am." Amy learned from Demon's Run that Madame Vastra could fight, and she could fight well.

**ROSE: Whoever they are, when Wilson finds them, he's gonna call the police. **

**THE DOCTOR: Who's Wilson? **

"Oh, yeah," Jenny questioned, "Who is this Wilson?"

**ROSE: Chief electrician. **

**THE DOCTOR: Wilson's dead. **

Amy hit Tenny, hard. "You didn't have to be so blunt!"

"Sorry, I'm so sorry," Tenny looked up sadly from the screen, "That was years ago!"

Amy paused, probably at the face she was getting, "Same difference."

Eleven was rubbing the spot where Amy had hit Tenny. Poor him. Or himself, or whatever.

**_He steps out of the lift. Rose follows him._**

**ROSE: That's just not funny, that's sick! **

"Have to tell you, Rosie," Jack shimmied closer to Martha and Tenny, "That's how it's going to start to work."

**THE DOCTOR: Hold on! ****_(pushes Rose to the side) _****Mind your eyes. **

"Doctor," Rory looked at him seriously, "it's not even that bright, what's the point?"

"No clue." Eleven answered.

**_He disables the lift with his sonic screwdriver. _**

"Hey!" Amy yelled, "It's different!"

Everyone near her slapped one or two of their hands in her face. She wasn't supposed to tell anything about the future!

"But-but-but-but..." Tenny started crying, "I love my sonic screwdriver!" Martha patted him on his shoulder, a little scared, he obviously was like, bipolar or something.

"He's changed a lot." Rory pointed out the obvious.

**ROSE: I've had enough of this now! **

**_The Doctor walks off. _**

They all were thinking the same thing, except the Doctors, of course. _Rude._

**ROSE: Who are you, then? Who's that lot down there? I said, who are they? **

**THE DOCTOR: They're made of plastic. Living plastic creatures. They're being controlled by a relay device in the roof. Which would be a great big problem if I didn't have this. ****_(shows her an electronic device)_**

River was a little sad, her Doctor would be so much better if he always carried a bomb around in his jacket pocket. But this Doctor is just fine, it was silly of her to think that.

** So! ****_(opens fire exit for Rose) _****I'm going to go up there and blow them up, and I might well die in the process. But don't worry about me, no. Go home, go on! Go and have your lovely beans on toast. **

_Fish fingers and custard, beans on toast, _Amy had a look on her face, _what's next? Coleslaw with mustard?_ Ew...

**_Rose goes through the door. _**

**THE DOCTOR** **: Don't tell anyone about this, because if you do, you'll get them killed. **

"She told someone, didn't she?" Martha asked. Tenny nodded, very quickly.

**_He shuts the door. Rose turns away looking slightly bemused. It opens again. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor,**

"It's me!" Tenny and Eleven screamed.

** by the way, what's your name? **

**ROSE: Rose. **

**THE DOCTOR: Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life. **

"Ah," Jack sighed sarcastically, "You've got to love that normal greeting there, eh?"

**_He shuts the door again. Rose runs. Outside, nobody knows what is going on. Rose is distracted and nearly gets herself run over by a taxi._**

**TAXI DRIVER: Watch it! **

Tenny whole-heartedly agreed with that.

**_Rose proceeds to get as far away from the building as possible and looks back just in time to see the top floor blow up. _**

River looked wistful.

**_She runs home - past a police box. _**

"Sexy," Eleven said, looking at it adoringly, he gave Tenny a stare that had -it's mine- written all over it.

**_News 24 is on the television. Rose is sat on the sofa, watching it. _**

**REPORTER: The whole of Central London has been closed off as police investigate the fire. Earlier reports in the... **

**_The dummy's arm is lying on a chair. Jackie walks in holding a phone to her ear. _**

"She's always on the phone." the Doctors said in unison.

**JACKIE: I know, it's on the telly! It's everywhere! She's lucky to be alive! **

"Not to be rude," Jenny cut in, "But isn't that a like over-dramatic?"

"Yep!" Jack piped up, flashing a flirty grin.

**_(hands Rose a mug) _****Honestly, it's aged her. Skin like an old bible. ****Walking in now you'd think I was HER daughter! Oh and here's himself... **

"Little bit of an obsession there, don't you think?" Martha told them.

"Jackie took things," Tenny explained to his student, "And then took things to another level." **(A.N. Instead of 'level', I wrote 'liver', has anyone done that?)**

**_Mickey appears in the doorway_**

"It's Rickey!" Tenny had a smile on his face.

"Doctor," Jack said very slowly, "It's Mickey."

"No, pretty sure it's Rickey."

Face palm.

**MICKEY: ****_(to Rose) _****I've been phoning your mobile, you could've been dead! It's on the news and everything! I can't believe that your shop went up! **

The Tenth Doctor looked a little sheepish, River smiled. Jack caught that and waggled his eyebrows at Eleven.

**_He hugs her. _**

**ROSE: I'm alright, honestly, I'm fine! Don't make a fuss. **

**MICKEY: Well, what happened? **

**ROSE: I don't know! **

"Lying strait though her teeth, isn't she?" Martha accused.

"Like the best of the companions." The Doctors said.

**MICKEY: What was it though, what caused it? **

**ROSE: I wasn't in the shop, I was outside, I didn't see anything... **

"Liar!" Jack yelled, pointing his index finger at the screen.

**JACKIE: ****_(walking in)_**** It's Debbie on the other end, she knows a man from the Mirror - five hundred quid for an interview!**

Eleven and Tenny's face palming moment.

**ROSE: Oh that's brilliant! Give it here! **

**_She takes the phone and hangs it up. _**

Amy laughed, she liked her. But she couldn't get why the Doctor never talked about her. Unless something happened to her like was happened to her and Rory in the Angel incident.

**JACKIE: Well, you've gotta find some way of making money. Your jobs kaput and I'm not bailing you out. ****_(phone rings again, Jackie answers) _****Beth! She's alive! ****_(leaves room)_****I tell ya, sue for compensation! She was within seconds of death... **

"That's a bit overdramatic, wasn't it?" Madame Vastra looked up.

"Like the Moonites!" Strax stood up.

**MICKEY: What're you drinking? Tea? No, no no, that's no good, that's no good. You're in shock, you need something stronger.**

"Mickey, you need to be smoother to get what you want." Jack said, "It must come naturally from within, unless your the Doctor, that is."

**ROSE: Why? **

**MICKEY: You deserve a proper drink, you and me, we're going down the pub, my treat. How about it? **

"Sounds like he wants something." Rory went on, and on, and on.

**ROSE:** **_(smiling) _****Is there a match on? **

"Oh," Tenny exclaimed.

**MICKEY: I'm just thinking about you, babe! **

"Sure." Eleven completed.

**ROSE: There's a match on, ain't there. **

**MICKEY: Well, that's not the point. We could catch the last five minutes. **

"He really knows how to woo a girl there," Amy said.

**ROSE: Go on then. I'm fine, really. Go. Get rid of that... **

**_She gestures to the dummy's arm. Mickey points to his lips. Rose gives him a kiss. He pushes her back onto the chair and they laugh. He gets up to go and Rose puts a leg out to trip him up. Mickey picks up the arm and waves with it. _**

"Immature." River coughed.

**MICKEY: Buh Bye! **

**ROSE: Bye! **

**_Mickey pretends to strangle himself with the arm and leaves. Rose shakes her head fondly and turns her attention back to the news. _**

"Oh," Tenny sighed, "That's why she said it."

"Said what?" Amy asked.

"You'll see." Eleven said instead of Tenny.

**REPORTER: ...fire then spread throughout the store... there is very little chance of saving the infrastructure... **

"Doctor!" all the companions yelled. They knew it was for a good cause, but still, how rude of him.

**_Outside, Mickey tosses the arm into a bin as he walks past it. Zoom into the darkness of the bin..._****_Shows red alarm clock, which goes off, Rose whacks it and stops it, then sits up._**

**JACKIE: ****_(in background)_**** There's no point in getting up, sweetheart. You've got no job to go to. ****_Rose flops back on her pillow. _**

"Ah, sleeping in, the work of wonders." Jenny looked off the screen into the horizon.

"We will declare war on whoever decides to wake you up then!" Strax stood up.

**_Rose is having breakfast, her mother is talking to her. _**

**JACKIE: There's Finches... you could try them. They've always got jobs. **

**ROSE: Oh, great. The butchers. **

"I prefer to stay unemployed." Amy was holding her stomach.

**JACKIE: Well it might do you good! That shop was giving you airs and graces. And I'm not joking about getting compensation - you've had genuine shock and trauma! Arianna got two thousand quid off the council just because the old man behind the desk said she looked Greek! I know she IS Greek, but that's not the point - it's a valid claim. **

"Always trying to get compensation." Jack shook his head.

**_Rose hears a rattling and stands up. _**

**ROSE: Mum, you're such a liar, I told you to nail that cat flap down. We're going to get strays! **

"Are you speaking from experience?" Martha questioned.

"You're talking to the TV, she can't hear you." Tenny concluded. But he sighed, how much he missed Rose.

**JACKIE: I did it weeks back! **

**ROSE: No, you thought about it! **

"Well, wouldn't it be better to find the cause of the disturbance first?" Madame Vastra told them, "So the stray wouldn't run around.

**_Rose discovers that the screws have fallen out onto the floor. The cat flap moves violently. Rose leaps backwards, then comes back again and pokes the cat flap open gingerly. The Doctor's face is right outside it. Rose gasps and opens the door. _**

"Doctor, such a stray." River was shaking her head in a flirty way. Jack caught that and winked at the Eleventh Doctor.

**THE DOCTOR: What're you doing here? **

**ROSE: I live here. **

"We've gotten that far, Rosie Posie!" Jack look cheekily at everyone in the room.

**THE DOCTOR: Well, what do you do that for? **

**ROSE: Because I do! And I'm only at home because someone blew up my job. **

"The blaming stage of love." Jack shook his head.

Amy's head perked up a little.

**_The Doctor gets out his sonic screwdriver. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Must've got the wrong signal. You're not plastic, are you? ****_(knocks on Rose's forehead) _****No, bonehead. Bye, then! **

"Was that an insult?" Jenny asked him.

"Maybe somewhere hidden in there," Martha built on that.

"Where it wouldn't be that hard to find, though." And Rory broke that impress chain going to asking the Doctor.

**_He makes to go, but Rose pulls him back inside. _**

**ROSE: You, inside. Right now. **

"You've already made it inside, bravo, Doctor." River and Jack clapped.

**_She shuts the door. _**

**JACKIE: Who is it? **

**_Rose pokes her head into Jackie's bedroom. _**

**ROSE: It's about last night, he's part of the inquiry. Give us 10 minutes. **

"I thought she was trying to give off the outlook of not wanting compensation." Martha looked questioning.

**JACKIE: She deserves compensation. **

**THE DOCTOR: Huh, we're talking millions. **

"I heard that you couldn't even pay for chips." Jack looked the Doctors strait in the eyes.

**_The Doctor leans against the doorframe, waiting for Rose to come back. Jackie looks at him for a moment and stands up, flirtatiously. _**

"Oh, Doctor, you've already got one." Jack applauded.

The other companions looked generally disgusted. And the Doctor was green and looking around the walls to see if a bathroom magically appeared. It did and they promptly emptied there stomachs.

**JACKIE: I'm in my dressing gown. **

"Pointing out the obvious." River mentioned.

**THE DOCTOR: Yes, you are. **

"You shouldn't play along!" Amy yelled at him.

**JACKIE: There's a strange man in my bedroom. **

"Which is a reason you shouldn't go for him." Madame Vastra was trying to get the point across.

**THE DOCTOR: Yes, there is. **

Amy and Rory face palm.

**JACKIE: Well, anything could happen. **

"Ew..." everyone scrunched there face together...

**THE DOCTOR: No. **

...then laughed.

**_The Doctor walks off. Jackie pulls a face at his back. _**

**ROSE: Don't mind the mess. Do you want a coffee? **

**THE DOCTOR: Might as well, thanks! Just milk. **

"What's the point of having coffee, then?" Rory asked.

"The milk would already be out and such, so, might as well!" Tenny clapped his hands together. Amy and Rory looked in interest at this version of the Doctor, they always enjoyed learning new things about him, but hopefully this wouldn't be their last chance.

**_Rose goes into the kitchen and starts making coffee. _**

**ROSE: We should go to the police. Seriously. Both of us. **

**_The Doctor picks up a gossip magazine. _**

**THE DOCTOR: That won't last, he's gay and she's an alien.**

"Who are?" Amy stood up.

Eleven looked at her incredulously.

**ROSE: I'm not blaming you, even if it was just some sort of joke that went wrong. **

"It's not a joke." Madame Vastra looked at the screen.

"Her head was just thick." Jack shot back.

"Then make a hole in it with a grenade or bomb of some sort, something that goes 'boom'!" Strax grinned.

**_The Doctor picks up a book and flicks through it. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Sad ending. **

"You can read that fast?" Rory looked confused.

Most of the companions, besides River, looked around confused, they didn't know that he could do that, he never did that before them, or else the couldn't remember.

**ROSE: They said on the news they'd found a body. **

"Wilson..." everyone looked sad.

**_The Doctor picks up an envelope and reads it. _**

"Yeah, cause that's not getting in her business or anything." Jack flashed a dazzling smile. River couldn't take it anymore and shot him again.

**THE DOCTOR: Rose Tyler. ****_(looks in mirror) _****Ahh, could've been worse! ****_(prods his large ears) _****Look at me' ears. **

"They are a little sticky-outy, aren't they?" Jenny told them.

The Doctors felt there ears as if an instinct.

**ROSE: All the same, he was nice. Nice bloke. **

**_The Doctor shuffles a pack of cards. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Luck be a lady! **

"That's bad, just bad." Martha was shaking her head.

**ROSE: Well anyway if we are going to go to the police, I want to know what I'm saying. **

**_The Doctor shuffles the cards again and manages to make them all go flying. _**

"How skillful of you." River smiled.

**ROSE: I want you to explain everything. **

**THE DOCTOR:** **_(of the cards) _****Maybe not. ****_(hears scuffling from behind sofa) _****What's that then? You got a cat? **

"Stupid strays." no one knew who said that.

**ROSE: No... **

**_The Doctor leans behind the sofa and the dummy's arm leaps out and grabs him by the neck._**

"So," Rory started, "Did it like crawl on its fingers, or hop on the bottom part where it was attached to the mannequin. Or it did fly to your face, so flying could be a possibility."

"Rory," Amy continued, "You're boring everyone to death."

**ROSE: ****_(wandering in with coffee)_**** We did have, but there's these strays, they come in off the estate... **

**_Behind her, the Doctor is being strangled viciously by the hand while he tries vainly to fight it off. She does not quite seem to register that the Doctor is being harassed by a rubber hand._**

"She really was oblivious wasn't she," Martha scratched her chin.

Tenny shook his head, she was just as oblivious with him as Rose was.

**ROSE: I told Mickey to chuck that out... **

"And it came back," Rory mentioned.

**_She puts the coffee down on the table. _**

**ROSE: Honestly, give a man a plastic hand... **

"I know how you feel," River put her hand over her heart.

**anyway, I don't even know your name, Doctor... what was it? ****_The Doctor throws the hand off and it flies across the room attaching itself to Rose's face. She screams and the Doctor leaps up and tries to pull it off. Jackie is drying her hair, completely oblivious. _**

Face palm.

**_The Doctor and Rose crash onto the coffee table, breaking it, and roll onto the floor. _**

"This is why we can't have anything nice," Eleven mourned, Tenny couldn't help but join in too.

**_The Doctor pushes her back onto the sofa and gets out his sonic screwdriver, disabling the hand. _**

**THE DOCTOR: It's alright, I've stopped it. There you go, you see? ****_(tosses it to her) _****'Armless. **

"You haven't gotten any better with the jokes, I see." Amy commented.

**ROSE: Do you think? **

**_She uses it to whack him on the shoulder. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Ow! **

"That really did hurt!" the Doctors complained to the stares they were getting.

**_The Doctor is running down the stairs, Rose hot on his tail. _**

**ROSE: Hold on a minute, you can't just go swanning off. **

**THE DOCTOR: Yes I can. Here I am, this is me, swanning off. See ya! **

All the companions either laughed, looked at the screen strangely, or face palmed. The flirty way.

**ROSE: That arm was moving, it tried to kill me! **

**THE DOCTOR: Ten out of ten for observation. **

Jack fell on the ground holding two thumbs up.

**ROSE: You can't just walk away, that's not fair! You've got to tell me what's going on. **

**THE DOCTOR: No I don't. **

"A sassy Doctor, what will we do now?" River asked.

"Teach him a lesson by exploding him with high velocity explosives." Strax pointed his finger in the air.

"For the last time, no!" Jenny and Madame Vastra said.

**_They reach the bottom of the stairs, go through the doors. _**

**ROSE: Alright then. I'll go to the police. I'll tell everyone. You said, if I did that, I'd get people killed. So, your choice. Tell me, or I'll start talking. **

Madame Vastra looked confused, "How on earth is that supposed to be a threat?"

**THE DOCTOR: Is that supposed to sound tough? **

"That's what I mean."

**ROSE: Sort of. **

**THE DOCTOR: Doesn't work. **

"Never works," Martha absentmindedly pulled at some hair.

**ROSE: Who are you? **

**THE DOCTOR: I told you! The Doctor. **

**ROSE: Yeah. But Doctor what? **

"At least she didn't say Doctor Who." Eleven sighed.

Amy, Rory, and River laughed.

The rest just didn't get it.

**THE DOCTOR: Just the Doctor. **

**ROSE: The Doctor. **

**THE DOCTOR: Hello! **

"Nice to see ya." No one knew who said this.

**ROSE: Is that supposed to sound impressive? **

**THE DOCTOR: Sort of. **

The other two Doctors scowled, that was not what they had chose the name for.

**ROSE: Come on. You can tell me. I've seen enough. Are you the police? **

"You do have a police box," Amy struggled to find a word.

**THE DOCTOR: No. I was just passing through. I'm a long way from home. **

The Doctors looked sad.

**ROSE: But what have I done wrong? How comes those plastic things keep coming after me?**

**THE DOCTOR: Oh! Suddenly the entire world revolves around you! You were just an accident, you got in the way, that's all. **

"How nice of you," Jenny sighed.

"More like rude," River continued.

**ROSE: It tried to kill me! **

"Observation!" Jack fell on his knees again.

**THE DOCTOR: It was after me, not you! Last night, in the shop, I was there, you blundered it. Almost ruined the whole thing. This morning, I was tracking it down, it was tracking me down... the only reason it fixed on you is that you met me.**

"Everything has a reason," Jack sighed, slumping off the couch onto the ground.

"Yes," River continued, "So when I shoot you in the face, remember there is a reason."

Jack winked, he liked sassy girls.

**ROSE: So, what you're saying is, the entire world revolves around you. **

**THE DOCTOR: Sort of, yeah. **

Eleven grin.

**ROSE: You're full of it! **

**THE DOCTOR: Sort of, yeah. **

Tenny grin.

"Why'd you say the exactly same thing to answer the question?" Madame Vastra asked.

"To give the dramatic, funny effect." the Doctors answered.

**ROSE: But, all this plastic stuff - who else knows about it? **

**THE DOCTOR: No one. **

"But you're telling the yellow-haired Earth boy," Strax stood up.

"She's a girl, and yes, I've realized that." Eleven shot back, Tenny appeared to be shying back, (you know, like in the Day of the Doctor?)

**ROSE: What, you're on your own? **

Tenny and Eleven looked sad.

**THE DOCTOR: Well, who else is there? I mean, you lot, all you do is eat chips, go to bed, and watch telly! When all the time, underneath you, there's a war going on! **

**_Rose takes the arm off him. _**

"Yeah," Jack stood up, "disarm him first."

**ROSE: Okay, start from the beginning. **

**_They exit the road_**

**ROSE** **: If you're gonna go with this living plastic, and I don't even believe that, but if we do... how did you kill it? **

"Would it count as killing?" Tenny questioned.

"I don't know," Eleven answered.

"Well," Jenny said, "You are the same person, so obviously you won't be finding out anytime soon.

They pouted.

**THE DOCTOR: The thing controlling it projects life into the arm. I cut off the signal, dead.**

** ROSE: So that's radio control? **

"Thought control," Tenny and Eleven said before they could slap their hands over there mouths.

**THE DOCTOR: Thought control.**

Let's just say because some companions were being big bullies, the Doctors were rubbing smack marks.

**_There was silence._**

**_THE DOCTOR: _****Are you alright? **

**ROSE: Yeah. So, who's controlling it, then? **

**THE DOCTOR: Long story. **

"Or do you mean a short story you don't want to tell?" River interrogated them.

**ROSE: But what's it all for? I mean, shop window dummies... what's that about? Is someone trying to take over Britain's shops? **

**_They laugh._**

**THE DOCTOR: No. **

"I would totally do that!" Jack was jumping up and down, then wrote something down.

Martha took it away and ripped it to shreds.

Tenny sent her a thankful look.

**ROSE: I know.**

**THE DOCTOR: It's not a price war. **

**_(laugh again - suddenly serious) _****They want to overthrow the human race and destroy you. Do you believe me? **

"I wouldn't," was the common answer.

**ROSE: No. **

**THE DOCTOR: But you're still listening. **

"He got her there," Rory commented.

**_She stops. The Doctor walks on. _**

**ROSE: Really though, Doctor. Tell me - who are you? **

"This is going to be good," River sat forward, rubbing her hands together.

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(stops)_**** Do you know like we were saying? About the Earth revolving? ****_(walks back to her) _****It's like when you were a kid. The first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. ****_(takes her hand) _****The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour, and the entire planet is hurtling around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go... ****_(lets go of her hand) _****That's who I am. Now, forget me, Rose Tyler. ****_(takes the arm, waves it in her face) _****Go home. **

"Like you'd be able to go home after that speech," Amy sat further back in her chair, staring at both Doctors, it hurt her eyes really bad.

**_He walks away. Rose watches his retreating back and then starts to walk herself. The Doctor steps into a police box. Rose hears the sound of the TARDIS departing. She runs back as fast as she can. The police box is gone. She shields her eyes from the sun, looks around her, then walks away again. Outside Mickeys flat, Mickey lets Rose in. _**

**MICKEY: Yahey, there's my woman! ****_(slaps her bum)_****Kit off! **

"Good, Mickey, good," Jack whispered in a very creepy way.

**ROSE: Shut up. ****_(he gives her a kiss) _****Mwah! **

**MICKEY: Coffee? **

**ROSE: Yeah, only if you wash the mug. And I don't mean rinse, I mean wash.**

"Bad experience?" Madame Vastra laughed.

** Can I use your computer? **

**MICKEY: Yeah. Any excuse to get in the bedroom. **

"OH!"

**_Mickey goes into the kitchen. Rose closes the door of his bedroom behind her. _**

**MICKEY: Don't read my emails! **

"Wonder what he's hiding," Jack leaned forward.

"Stop it!" Tenny exclaimed.

**_Shows Rose on Mickey's computer._**

**_Rose turns on the computer and types "Doctor" into a search engine. No relevant results are found. She types in "Doctor Living Plastic". Still nothing. She types "Doctor Blue Box". The first result reads "Doctor Who - do you know this man? Contact Clive here..." She clicks on it and a webpage with a blurry photograph of the Doctor and the words "Have you seen this man? Contact Clive" are presented to her. She clicks "Contact Clive". Mickey and Rose are sitting in the car. _**

**ROSE: You're not coming in! He's safe, he's got a wife and kids. **

**MICKEY: Yeah but who told you that? He did. That's exactly what an Internet lunatic murderer ****_would_**** say. **

"That's completely true," Jenny nodded.

**_Rose gets out of the car anyway, grinning. Mickey doesn't look too happy, and gives a man putting out his rubbish the evils. Rose knocks on the door of a house and it is answered by a boy of about 11._**

**ROSE: Uh, hello, I've come to see Clive? We've been emailing. **

**CLIVE'S SON: Dad! It's one of your nutters! **

The Doctors appeared to be insulted. Everyone else just laughed.

**_Clive appears. _**

**CLIVE: Sorry. Hello. You must be Rose. I'm Clive. Obviously! **

"Yeah, it didn't say it on your website or anything," Amy shrugged.

**ROSE: I better tell you now - my boyfriend's waiting in the car, just in case you're going to kill me! **

**_They laugh._**

**CLIVE: No, good point. No murders. **

"I certainly hope so," Madame Vastra knit her eyebrows.

**_He waves to Mickey who nods, still distrustful. _**

**CAROLINE: Who is it? **

**CLIVE: Oh it's something to do with the Doctor! She's been reading the website. Please come through, I'm in the shed. **

**_Clive's wife, Caroline, comes down the stairs carrying a washing basket. _**

**CAROLINE: She? She read a website about the Doctor? She's a she?**

"Wow, Doctor, impressive," Jack looked at them both, "You managed to skip the females and go right to males!"

Everyone groaned.

**_She smiles ironically and shuts the door. Mickey looks suspicious. Clive is showing Rose around the shed, which is a sort of shrine to the Doctor. _**

**CLIVE: A lot of this stuff's quite sensitive, I couldn't just send it to you. People might intercept it, if you know what I mean. If you dig deep enough - keep a lively mind - this Doctor keeps cropping up all over the place. Political diaries, conspiracy theories. Even ghost stories. No first name, no last name. Just 'The Doctor'. Always The Doctor. And the title seems to have been passed down from father to son, it appears to be an inheritance. That's your Doctor there, isn't it? **

**_He points to a photo of the Doctor on a computer screen behind them. _**

"Stalker," Jack was afraid to voice his thoughts, River Song was glaring at him.

**ROSE: Yeah. **

**CLIVE: I tracked it down to the Washington public archive last year. The online photo's enhanced, but if we look at the original... **

**_He shows Rose some photographs of the Doctor standing in a crowd at the time and place of the assassination of JFK. _**

**CLIVE: November the 22nd, 1963. The assassination of President Kennedy. **

"Well," Tenny shrugged, "One world leader get assassinated, you know that I've been there then."

**ROSE: Must be his father... **

**CLIVE: Going further back... April 1912. ****_(brings over a photo album)_**** This is a photo of the Daniels family, Southampton. And friend. ****_(points to the Doctor, standing with them) _****This was taken the day before they were due to sail off for the New World. On the Titanic. And for some unknown reason, they cancelled the trip and survived. **

Eleven and Tenny start whistling innocently while the companions all glared at him. They weren't allowed to do that!

**And... ****_(shows her a sketch) _****1883. Another Doctor. And look - the same lineage. He's identical. This one washed up on the coast of Sumatra on the very day Krakatoa exploded.**

"Why did I not have to guess?" Madame Vastra shrugged.

"We could get rid of the evidence by promptly melting it in acid," Strax made a fist with his hand.

** The Doctor is a legend woven throughout history. When disaster comes, he's there. He has a storm in his wake. And he has one constant companion.**

**ROSE: Who's that? **

**CLIVE: Death.**

The Doctors both looked down while the companions took in what was said. Sure Rory and Amy were taken by angels, but Amy did it to be with Rory and Rory...

Jack was also was thinking. Hey, he's immortal, but he had to die to get that way. And being immortal can be a gift at sometimes, but usually it was a curse.

Martha was just plainly thinking about the year that never was.

Madame Vastra, Jenny, and Strax were thinking about the time when Strax had been killed by the Headless Monks, and Jenny in going to the Doctor's grave.

**_Mickey is still waiting outside in his car. He looks around as a bin starts to shuffle its way towards him._**

"Mysterious," Rory comments.

**_ Goes back to Clive and Rose._**

**CLIVE: If the Doctor's back... if you've seen him, Rose... then one thing's for certain - we're all in danger.**

"Well," Amy held out all of the letters, "That's part of the fun."

Jack leaned towards Tenny, "I like her."

He got hit where no man was meant to be hit.

They continued watching between Jack's squeals of pain. Yes, squeals.

**_Mickey looks at the bin again, but it is stationary. A few seconds later, it starts moving again. He gets out of the car and walks to the bin, looking around it to see what is moving it. Seeing nothing, he places both hands on the lid and opens it dramatically. _**

**MICKEY: Come on then! **

**_The bin is empty._**

"So," Martha looked up, "Is something there, or is he just insane?"

Eleven looked confused, Martha had met Rickey, Mickey. Then he remembered what time she was from. Let's just hope things don't get too awkward. That's a problem with time travel.

**_ Shows shed again._**

**CLIVE: If he's singled you out... if the Doctor's making house calls... then God help you. ****_Mickey shuts the bin, confused. He tries to walk away but his hands are stuck to the bin. When he tries to pull away, the bin stretches and won't let him. Eventually, the bin opens its lid and pulls him in backwards, shutting with a satisfied burp._**

"Where did he go?" Jack's voice was still an octave higher. Tenny was starting to look guilty.

**ROSE: Who is he? Who do you think he is? **

**CLIVE: I think he's the same man. I think he's immortal. I think he's an alien from another world. **

"Yes, yes, and yes!" the Doctor's jumped in the air.

**_Rose comes back to the car, talking before she's even got in. _**

**ROSE: Alright! He's a nutter! Off his head! COMPLETE online conspiracy freak. You win! Oof.**

"Hey!" they slowly sat back down.

The companions stifle their laughs for the Doctors sakes.

**_She gets into the car. The person sitting at the wheel is obviously not Mickey, but a plastic replica of him. Rose seems not to notice._**

Companion jaw drop.

**ROSE: What're we going to do tonight? I fancy a pizza. **

**MICKEY: Pizzaaa! P-p-p-pizza! **

If the jaws could get any lower, they did.

**ROSE:...** **or a Chinese... **

"Being picky aren't you," Jack gasped. Tenny got that guilty look again.

"You know you're talking to the TV, right?" the Pond broke in.

**MICKEY: Pizza! **

**_They drive off in a wobbly line. _**

Cue dramatic face palming event.

**_Rose and Mickey sit at a table for two in a restaurant. _**

**ROSE: Do you think I should try the hospital? Suki said they had a few jobs going in the canteen. That's it then... dishing out chips... I could do A Levels... **

"Tough life," Rory looked at the girl on the TV.

"Who're you checking out there?" Jack grinned through the pain.

Amy walked up and whacked him across the face.

Jack mouthed, 'Yep, I like her.'

**_'Mickey' stares at her, grinning. _**

**ROSE: I dunno. It's all Jimmy Stone's fault. I only left school because of him, and look where he ended up. What do you think? **

"Wonder what the plastic would say," Jenny looked up.

**PLASTIC MICKEY: So, where did you meet this Doctor? **

**ROSE: I'm sorry, wasn't I talking about me for a second?**

"Doctor, stealing the spotlight." River shook her head.

**PLASTIC MICKEY: Because, I reckon it started back at the shop, am I right? Is he something to do with that?**

**ROSE: No... **

**PLASTIC MICKEY: Come on. **

**ROSE: Sort of. **

"Sort of! It was completely me!" Eleven sat down pouting.

Jack liked this version of the Doctor, not only was he younger, but he was hilarious! Yep, Jack could work with that...

**PLASTIC MICKEY: What was he doing there? **

**ROSE: I'm not going on about him, Mickey, I'm not, because, I know it sounds daft but... I don't think he's safe. I think he's dangerous. **

Tenny looked down, Eleven just looked at Tenny sadly.

**PLASTIC MICKEY: But you can trust me sweetheart! ****_(in quick succession) _****Babe, sugar, darling, sugar.**

"How did you not know?" Madame Vastra asked.

**_Rose looks confused. _**

**PLASTIC MICKEY: You can tell me anything. Tell me about the Doctor and what he's planning, and I can help you, Rose. Because that's all I really wanna do, sweetheart, babe, sugar, sweetheart. **

"Here we go again." Martha shook her head.

**ROSE: What're you doing that for? **

**_A Waiter approaches the table. _**

**WAITER: Your champagne. **

"I don't think they ordered champagne," Jack paused, "But take it anyway!"

River shot a bullet at him.

"Nice aim!" Jack praised.

Oh-my-god! Shut up you man!

You know who's thinking that.

**PLASTIC MICKEY: We didn't order any champagne. ****_(grabs Rose's hand) _****Where's the Doctor? ****_The Waiter has simply moved to the other side of the table and holds the bottle out to Rose._**

**WAITER: Ma'am. Your champagne. **

"Little persistent, isn't he." Amy looked at the Doctors, who were not meeting anyone's eyes.

**ROSE: It's not ours... Mickey, what is it? What's wrong? **

**MICKEY: I need to find out how much you know, so where is he? **

**WAITER: Doesn't anybody want this champagne? **

**_Mickey, exasperated, raises his eyes to the waiter for the first time. _**

**PLASTIC MICKEY: Look, we didn't order i- ****_(the Waiter is in fact, the Doctor)_**

"Knew it." Rory pointed at the screen.

"And you didn't bother to enlighten us?" Jenny asked.

**Ah. Gotcha. **

**_The Doctor shakes the bottle. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Don't mind me. I'm just toasting the happy couple. On the house! **

**_The cork pops out and hits Mickey squarely on the forehead. His forehead absorbs the cork and he spits it out of his mouth. It is finally revealed to Rose that Mickey has in fact been replaced with an Auton._**

"Autons have feelings, you know?" Rory placed his hand over his heart.

"Don't worry," Amy told everyone, "If he has feelings like that again, then he's going to a psychiatrist."

**PLASTIC MICKEY: Anyway. **

**_His hands turn into clubs and he smashes the table in. Rose screams and runs out of the way. The Doctor grabs the Auton's head and pulls it off._**

**PLASTIC MICKEY: Don't think that's gonna stop me. **

**_A couple at a nearby table scream, but the Doctor grins. Rose presses the fire bell. _**

"Why are you smiling?" Martha asked. Weren't they supposed to be doing something like, I don't know, running for their lives?

**ROSE: Everyone out! Out now! **

**_Everyone runs for the exit. The Auton stays inside, blindly smashing tables with his club-hands. _**

"The down side." Rory said.

**ROSE: Get out! Get out! Get out! **

**_Rose and the Doctor run through the kitchen and out of a back exit. With the Auton in hot pursuit. The Doctor locks a metal door with his sonic screwdriver while Rose tries desperately to find an escape out of the yard they are in. She bangs desperately at some locked gates._**

**ROSE: Open the gate! Use that tube thing, come on! **

"Tube thing?" all the companions looked amused.

**THE DOCTOR: What, this? This is a sonic screwdriver. **

**ROSE: Use it! **

**THE DOCTOR: Nah. Tell ya what, let's go in here. **

"Let's see her reaction." Jack leaned forward.

**_He approaches a police box in the middle of the yard and unlocks it. The Auton is beginning to make dents in the door from the other side. Rose runs to look at it. _**

**ROSE: We can't hide inside a wooden box! ****_(runs to the gate and rattles the chains) _****It's gonna get us! Doctor! **

Jack clapped his hands.

**_She runs into the police box. Rose slams the door behind her, takes a few steps in, looks around, then runs straight back out again. She walks once around the police box and arrives back at the front again. _**

"Amazing, pure golden, excellent reaction." Jack gave his seal of approval.

**_The Auton finally makes a hole in the door, so she runs back into the police box. _**

**ROSE : It's gonna follow us! **

**THE DOCTOR: The assembled hoards of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door, and believe me, they've tried. Now, shut up a minute. **

Amy and Rory were thinking about the differences between the Doctors. Martha just swatted Tenny's shoulder and commented on how rude that was.

**_Rose stands trembling near the door of the TARDIS, looking around at how huge it is compared with the outside. The Doctor is wiring up the head of the Auton. _**

**THE DOCTOR: You see, the arm is too simple, but the head's perfect. **

"You could try to explain to her first," Madame Vastra tried to make a point.

**_Rose still looks overwhelmed. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I can use it to trace the signal back to the original source. Right. ****_(turns to Rose, gives her his full attention) _****Where do you want to start? **

"Here we go!"

SMACK THE JACK GAME CONTINUES.

**ROSE: Um... the inside's bigger than the outside? **

"No!"

**THE DOCTOR: Yes. **

**ROSE: It's alien. **

**THE DOCTOR: Yup. **

**ROSE: Are you alien? **

**THE DOCTOR: Yes. ****_(Rose stares) _****Is that alright? **

"It better be," River puts a hand on her gun when she saw Jack open his mouth.

**ROSE: ****_(quickly) _****Yeah. **

**THE DOCTOR: It's called the TARDIS, this thing. T-A-R-D-I-S, that's Time And Relative Dimension In Space.**

**_(a small sob from Rose)_**

**That's okay. Culture shock. Happens to the best of us. **

"That has to be one of the nicest things you said to her since she got on." Amy shook her head. Tenny and Eleven bowed their heads in shame.

**ROSE: Did they kill him? Mickey? Did they kill Mickey? Is he dead? **

**THE DOCTOR: Oh... didn't think of that. **

**ROSE: He's my boyfriend. You pulled off his head - they copied him and you didn't even think? And now you're just going to let him melt?! **

**THE DOCTOR: Melt? ****_(turns around in time to see 'Mickey's' head melting with a bubbling noise)_**

"Uh oh." Jenny said.

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, no no no no no NO! **

"How do I have the feeling it's not because Mickey might've melted?" Rory felt for this guy, they were almost exactly the same.

**_He starts running frantically around the console, pressing buttons and pulling levers. _**

**ROSE: What're you doing?! **

**THE DOCTOR: Reviving the signal, it's fading! Wait I've got it... ****_(looks at screen) _****No No No No No No NO! ****_(The TARDIS shakes as the engines move) _****Almost there! Almost there! Here we go! ****_The engines stop and the Doctor runs out the TARDIS doors without another word. _**

**ROSE: You can't go out there, it's not safe! **

"Now it's safe," Jack grinned cheekily.

SMACK THE JACK GAME PROGRESSES.

**_She follows him outside._**

**THE DOCTOR: I lost the signal, I got ****_so_**** close. **

**_Rose hops out of the TARDIS, looking confused again. _**

**ROSE: We've moved! Does it fly?**

"Actually, it can," Eleven said while looking at the face of Tenny. He looked confused.

**THE DOCTOR: Disappears there, reappears here, you wouldn't understand. **

**ROSE: But if we're somewhere else, what about that headless thing? It's still on the loose. **

**THE DOCTOR: It melted with the head, are you going to witter on all night? **

"Doctor!"

**ROSE: I'll have to tell his mother... **

**_The Doctor looks at her questioningly. _**

"Doctor," Jack sighed, "You have to get a good first impression."

**ROSE: Mickey! I'll have to tell his mother he's dead, and you just went and forgot him, again! **

**_The Doctor rolls his eyes, unconcerned. _**

The companions all gaped. That is definitely not the Doctor they know. Well, Jack didn't gape.

**ROSE: You were right, you ARE alien. **

The Doctor's bowed there heads. They didn't want anyone to notice, but there eyes welled up with tears.

**_She turns to walk away. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Look, if I did forget some kid called Mickey—**

**ROSE: Yeah, he's not a kid. **

"Got ya!" Jack was concerned because the Doctor didn't comment on anything stupid he did, and even HE can admit that.

**THE DOCTOR: It's because I'm trying to save the life of every ****_stupid_**** ape blundering on top of this planet, alright? **

"Another ape joke!" Amy swatted them over the heads.

**ROSE: Alright! **

**THE DOCTOR: Yes! It is! **

**_Rose shakes her head disbelievingly. _**

**ROSE: If you are an alien, then how comes you sound like you're from the North? **

"The question we've all been waiting for," Rory laughed.

**THE DOCTOR: Lots of planets have a North. **

"A stick of dynamite will fix that." Strax nodded, well as best as he could without a neck.

**_He folds his arms indignantly and looks away. _**

"Yes," River spread her arms, "And that's not childish at all!"

**ROSE: What's a police public call box? **

**THE DOCTOR: It's a telephone box from the 1950s. ****_(pats the TARDIS fondly, grinning) _****It's a disguise.**

"If it's from the 1950s, how's it a disguise?" Madame Vastra asked.

The Doctors shrugged, they liked it, so it must be fine.

**_Rose smiles and shakes her head. _**

**ROSE: Okay. And this living plastic, what's it got against us? **

**THE DOCTOR: Nothing, it loves you. You've got such a good planet. Lots of smoke and oil, plenty of toxins and dioxins in the air... perfect. Just what the Nestene Consciousness needs. It's food stock was destroyed in the war, all its protein plants rotted, so Earth... dinner! **

"Beautiful." Amy scrunched her nose.

**ROSE: Any way of stopping it? **

**_Grinning, the Doctor produces a tube of blue liquid from his jacket. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Anti-plastic! **

"That's fantastic!" Jack jumped up, the Doctors did nothing, still really upset of said argument before, "No, Doc, no?"

**ROSE: Anti-plastic... **

**THE DOCTOR: Anti-plastic! But first I've got to find it. How can you hide something that big in a city this small? **

"London, small?" Amy snorted.

"New York's bigger, but London is far from small." Rory looked at the Doctors.

**ROSE: Hold on... hide what? **

**THE DOCTOR: The transmitter. The Consciousness is controlling every single piece of plastic so it needs a transmitter to boost the signal. **

**ROSE: What's it look like?**

**THE DOCTOR: Like a transmitter.**

"Bravo, you've won an award for the world's most obvious answers." Jack over romanticized his movements.

"Still nothing, try to make a Doctor laugh, sheesh."

** Round and massive, slap bang in the middle of London. **

**_He paces around, agitated, looking around for a clue. _**

**THE DOCTOR: A huge circular metal structure... like a dish... **

**_He stands facing Rose, his back to the railings of the bridge. Behind him, the London Eye looms 450 foot above them, but he doesn't seem to register. _**

"Like that?" Martha pointed at the screen.

**THE DOCTOR:** **...like a wheel. Close to where we're standing. Must be COMPLETELY invisible. **

"And we thought Rose was the oblivious one," Rory laughed. But it was a manly laugh, with dignity. Definitely not a giggle.

**_Rose considers the Eye behind him. _**

**THE DOCTOR: What? **

**_Rose nods towards the Eye. The Doctor turns around, then back to her, completely nonplussed. _**

"Oh my god, this is hilarious!" Jack was rolling on the floor.

**THE DOCTOR: What? **

**_Rose shakes her head, looking at the Eye still. He turns around but still fails to make the connection. _**

**THE DOCTOR: What is it? What? **

Face palm.

**_Rose simply carries on staring at it. The Doctor turns around again and finally, it clicks. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oh... fantastic! **

"Finally!" all the companions scream.

**_He grins insanely and runs off. Hand in hand, the Doctor and Rose run across London Bridge towards the Eye. They come to a halt at the foot of the Eye. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Think of it. Plastic, all over the world. Every artificial thing waiting to come alive. The shop window dummies, the phones, the wires, the cables... **

**ROSE: The breast implants**

"That's what she thinks about," Martha and Amy asked.

**THE DOCTOR: Still, we've found the transmitter. The Consciousness must be somewhere underneath.**

**_Rose runs off and finds the entrance to a manhole at the foot of the wall she is looking over. _**

**ROSE: What about down here? **

"Please, don't be down there," Jack crossed his fingers.

"Why?" the Doctors ask.

"Because it looks creepy."

"To get in," Strax pointed, "Remove the wheel with some grenades, then..."

"NO!"

**_The Doctor runs to join her. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Looks good to me. **

**_They run down the stairs to the manhole. The Doctor takes the lid off it, and red light and smoke pours out. They both climb down the ladder underground. The Doctor opens the door to another chamber and they go down some steps. The Doctor points to a huge, orange, wobbling mass in the middle of the chamber. _**

**THE DOCTOR: The Nestene Consciousness, that's it, inside the vat. A living, plastic creature. **

**ROSE: Well, then. Tip in your anti-plastic and let's go. **

The Doctors looked ashamed, he probably should've done that, but he had a reputation to keep up! He didn't want anyone to think he was a mean and violent person.

**THE DOCTOR: I'm not here to kill it. I've got to give it a chance. **

"You never change, do you?" Rory asked.

"Nope." Jack answered for him.

**_They go down some more steps. The Doctor leans over the railings and addresses the Consciousness._**

**THE DOCTOR: I seek audience with the Nestene Consciousness under peaceful contract. According to convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation. ****_The Consciousness flobbles around a bit. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Thank you. That I might have permission to approach. **

"What language is that?" Madame Vastra asked.

**_Meanwhile, as Rose paces around in the background, she spots Mickey and runs to him. The Doctor rolls his eyes._**

Cue gasps and Doctor shaming.

**ROSE: Oh, my God! Mickey! It's okay! It's alright! **

**_She squats down next to him. _**

**MICKEY: That thing down there, the liquid, Rose - it can talk! **

"So can Rickey, both about as surprising," Tenny rolled his eyes. The companions beside him try not to gasp for his sake, so they settle with swatting him over the shoulder, hard.

**ROSE: You're stinking! Doctor, they kept him alive! **

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah, that was always a possibility. Keep him alive to maintain the copy. **

**ROSE: You knew that and you never said? **

**THE DOCTOR: Can we keep the domestics outside, thank you? **

"That's mean," Martha shook her head.

**_Rose helps Mickey to his feet. The Doctor approaches the Consciousness. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Am I addressing the Consciousness? Thank you. If I might observe, you infiltrated this civilization by means of warped, shunt technology. So, may I suggest, with the greatest respect, that you shunt off? **

"Facetious Time Lord!" Amy yelled.

**_The plastic globbers in what appears to be a negative manner. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oh don't give me that, it's an invasion! Plain and simple! Don't talk about constitutional rights! **

"The Plastic Constitution," Rory cleared his throat, "Thou shalt no approach any plastic without means of the Plasticean Government."

"WE GET THE IDEA!" the Doctor's yelled.

**_The plastic rears what would appear to be its head angrily. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I - am - talking! **

"Oh, angry Doctors much feistier," River nodded.

"And sexier." Jack added.

Everyone looked a little green.

**This planet is just starting. These stupid little people have only just learnt how to walk, but they're capable of so much more. I'm asking you on their behalf - please, just go. **

**_Two Autons approach the Doctor from behind. _**

**ROSE: Doctor! **

**_The Autons grab him. One of them takes the anti-plastic out of his jacket pocket. _**

**THE DOCTOR: That was just insurance! I wasn't going to USE it. **

"Sure you weren't," they all nodded.

**_The plastic globbers angrily. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I was not attacking you. I'm here to help. I'm not your enemy. I swear, I'm not... what do you mean? **

**_Doors above him open to reveal the TARDIS. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, oh no - honestly, no! Yes, that's my ship. **

"It's not technically a ship, like, does it glide across water, I don't think so." Rory shook his finger. Amy swatted him. Not too hard but not too gentle.

**_The plastic roars. _**

**THE DOCTOR: That's not true. I should know, I was there. I fought in the war - it wasn't my fault! I couldn't save your world! I couldn't save any of them! **

Amy, Rory, and River gave Eleven a hug, and Jack and Martha gave Tenny a hug, the gang just waited patiently.

**ROSE: What's it doing?! **

**THE DOCTOR: It's the TARDIS! The Nestene has identified its superior technology - it's terrified! It's going to the final base. It's starting the invasion! Get out, Rose! Just leg it! Now! **

"And would it be any safer up in the invasion above?"

**_Rose dials a number on her mobile. _**

**ROSE: Mum?! **

"Oh, no." Amy shook her head.

**_Jackie is going down the steps of a police station. _**

**JACKIE: Oh, there you are, I was just gonna phone. You ****_can_**** get compensation. I said so. I've got this document thing off the police - don't thank me! **

**ROSE: Where are you, mum? **

**JACKIE: I'm in town! **

**ROSE: Go home! Just go home, right now! **

**JACKIE: Darling, you're breaking up, look, I'm just going to do a bit of late night shopping. I'll see you later. Tara! **

"It's funny how coincidences happen like that," River sighed.

**_She hangs up. _**

**ROSE: Mum?! Mum! **

**_Jackie heads into the Queens Arcade shopping centre._****_The Consciousness sends out a signal. _**

**THE DOCTOR: It's the activation signal! It's transmitting! **

**_The electric blue signal shoots around the Eye. _**

**ROSE: The end of the world**

"Nope."

**_The activation signal transmits from the London Eye. Clive is in the shopping centre, talking to his wife. _**

**CLIVE: There's no point creating a spreadsheet if you're going to spend summer money in winter months. **

**_Caroline gasps as she walks past a shop window and the dummy taps the glass. _**

**CAROLINE: Oh my God! I thought they were dummies! I nearly had a heart-attack! **

"So oblivious." Rory shook his head.

"Grenade!"

"Strax," Madame Vastra scolded, "Put that down!"

**_They look around and all the dummies are doing the same. Clive's wife smiles appreciatively... until they punch their way through the glass and step out of the windows. Jackie is coming down an escalator and looks in disbelief at the dummies walking around. _**

**CLIVE: It's true. Everything I read, all the stories! It's all true! **

"She told him," Tenny sighed.

"What?"

"I said in the beginning, 'Don't tell anyone or you'll get them killed'."

Everyone's eyes widened with realization.

**_A dummy turns towards him. Its hand comes off and reveals a gun, which shoots him. Clive's wife and son scream. _**

**_The Doctor is still being held hostage. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Get out, Rose! Just get out! Run! **

**_Part of the ceiling falls in. _**

**ROSE: The stairs have gone! **

"Where have they gone?" Jack asked.

SMACK THE JACK.

**_Rose and Mickey try desperately to get into the TARDIS. _**

**ROSE: I haven't got the key! **

**MICKEY: We're gonna die! **

**_The shopping centre is in chaos. Jackie stands at the bottom of the escalator looking confused for a few seconds, then screams and runs, dropping her shopping bag. _**

**_Mickey and Rose are still cowering at the door of the TARDIS. Outside, Jackie finds that there is just as much chaos outside the shopping centre as there is inside. An army of dummies come out of the doors. Jackie runs down the road and ducks behind a car outside a wedding shop. The dummies in the window punch through the glass. Jackie screams. Rose watches the Doctor struggle to get to the anti-plastic, then seems to reach some kind of decision. She stands up. _**

**MICKEY: Just leave him! **

"I can see why you didn't like him," Jack teetered nervously.

**_The wedding dummies advance dangerously on Jackie. All three hold their arms out ready to shoot._**

**_Rose takes action. _**

**MICKEY: There's nothing you can do! **

**_Rose picks up an axe. _**

**ROSE: I've got no A Levels. **

**_The dummies raise their guns at Jackie. _**

**ROSE: No job... **

**_The hands open to reveal the space where the bullets can be released. _**

**ROSE: No future. **

**_Jackie cowers. Rose hacks at a chain on the wall, trying to release it. _**

**ROSE: But I tell you what I have got. Jericho Street Junior School under 7s gymnastic team. **

**_The chain comes loose and Rose grabs onto it. _**

**ROSE: I got the bronze! **

"You go girl!" Amy cheered. Martha clapped along with her.

**_Rose swings across the gap over the Consciousness. She kicks the Autons holding the Doctor hostage into the Nestene, anti-plastic and all. The Consciousness starts to writhe and scream. Rose lands safely in the Doctor's arms at the other side of the gap. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Now we're in trouble. **

**_The Consciousness starts to explode as Rose and the Doctor run off. The signal from the Eye is cut off. The Autons in the high street that were previously attacking people, stop, and start to twitch as if they are doing some kind of dance. Jackie uncovers her eyes warily. Rose, the Doctor and Mickey all manage to reach the TARDIS. Rose grins at the Consciousness before she goes in and closes the door, as it starts to die. Just before the whole chamber goes up in flames, the TARDIS disappears. The dummies all fall to the ground, twitching at first, but dead. Mickey runs backwards out of the TARDIS and falls over, looking terrified. He backs against a wall._**

"Coward,"

**_Rose, however, steps out and rings her mother on her mobile._**

**JACKIE: ****_(answers phone)_**** Rose! Rose! Don't go out of the house, it's not safe! **

**_Rose laughs in relief to hear Jackie's voice. _**

**JACKIE: There were all of these things! And they were shooting! And they—**

**_Satisfied that Jackie is alive, Rose hangs up on her, smiling to herself._**

"Oh, she's a devil." Rory laughed.

**JACKIE: Hello? Hello? **

**_Rose runs over to Mickey. _**

**ROSE: A fat lot of good you were! **

**_Mickey whimpers. The Doctor stands in the doorway of the TARDIS. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Nestene Consciousness? ****_(clicks fingers) _****Easy. **

**ROSE: ****_(teasingly)_**** You were useless in there. You'd be dead if it wasn't for me. **

"True that," Jenny said.

**THE DOCTOR: Yes, I would. Thank you. Right then! I'll be off! Unless, uh... I don't know... you could come with me. **

"Here it is," Jack squatted by the ground with arms open.

**_Rose looks at him and puts her hands in her pockets. _**

**THE DOCTOR: This box isn't just a London hopper, you know, it goes anywhere in the universe free of charge. **

**MICKEY: Don't! He's an alien! He's a thing! **

GASP.

**THE DOCTOR: He's NOT invited. What do you think? You could stay here and fill your life with work and food and sleep, or you could go, uh... anywhere. **

**ROSE: Is it always this dangerous? **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(nods)_**** Yeah. **

"Sweet," Jack kept his position.

**_Mickey puts his arms around Rose's legs like a little child. _**

**ROSE: Yeah, I can't... I've um... gotta go and find my mum and um... someone's gotta look after this stupid lump... ****_(small laugh, pats Mickey on the back)_****So... **

"What?" Jack looked around, "Am I hearing right."

**THE DOCTOR: Okay. See you around. **

**_Rose looks at him intensely, as if she still hasn't really made up her mind. The Doctor does not take his eyes off her, but closes the door. Rose looks at the closed door. The engines of the TARDIS rev up, and it slowly disappears. Rose stares at the space where it was, lost in thought. _**

**ROSE: Come on, let's go. **

**_Mickey is in absolute shock, staring at the empty space where the TARDIS stood. _**

**ROSE: C'mon... come on... **

"Bossy," Rory joked.

**_She helps him to his feet and they begin to walk away. However, the sound of the engines is heard again. Rose and Mickey spin around. The TARDIS reappears. The Doctor pops his head out._**

**THE DOCTOR: By the way - did I mention, it also travels in time? **

**_He grins and goes back in - leaving the door ajar. Rose turns to Mickey. _**

**ROSE: Thanks. **

**MICKEY: Thanks for what? **

**ROSE: Exactly. **

"Works every time." the Doctors snap.

**_She kisses his cheek and runs into the TARDIS with a broad smile on her face._**

**A.N. Sorry for the wait, school started earlier than usual. **

**Roses are red,**

**Violets are blue,**

**Reviews are lovely,**

**And you'll be too!**


	3. Poor Harkness, NOT!

**A.N. This is going to be a little short, just wanted to put this in here** **in case the next chapter takes too long.**

**Disclaimer: I own none.**

"So," Martha looked around, "Does anyone know what time it is? I'm exhausted." (she was picked up late in the evening)

"I believe," Tenny looked around, "That we're timeless, but still feel the effects of time..."

As if on cue, several doors appear, one leads into a fully furnished bathroom, a kitchen, and a couple of bedrooms.

"Can someone count the doors, because if roomates are needed, I know who I want!" Jack winked at the Doctors. Who looked very disgusted.

"I think," Rory cut in, looking very green, "That's enough."

Amy just laughed.

It turned out that in fact, there weren't enough rooms. Amy and Rory shared a room, Paternoster Gang decided to split one, Eleven and River shared one. That left Tenny, Martha and _Jack._

"Only one room left, looks like I got my buddies!" Jack whooped.

"I think we might use the floor, or something." Martha and Tenny looked at each other.

Guess which Harkness slept on the couch by the TV that night.

**A.N. I am working on the next chapter, I just felt that it was right to add this in here.**


	4. The End of the World

A.N.** I'm back everyone! I'm not sure when this'll get out, so if it's late, I'm sorry! Also, I've got a co-author. LadyofStarclan, she's going to be helping me and nagging me so I don't quit this story before it's finished.**

**Disclaimer: My initials aren't BBC, therefore I don't own the material.**

Everyone woke up feeling awake and refreshed ready to face the day, you know that feeling? Yeah, me neither.

Jack a giant knot in his back from being forced to sleep on the couch be Mean Martha and Tough Tenny. Madame Vastra and Jenny both stayed awake afraid of Strax's box of grenades, somehow closer to his bed than last time. Martha and Tenny stayed up all night arguing over who had the best medical degree. Amy and Rory were worried about River shooting Harkness again. And River, was _River._ Sinking diaries, you know the jiff.

"Alright," Amy clapped her hands together, "Let's watch an episode before breakfast!"

They all got settled.

**THE DOCTOR: Right then, Rose Tyler - you tell me, where do you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time. It's your choice. What's it going to be? **

Everyone instantly said 'Forwards', except for Rory, who was that odd 'Backwards' placed in there.

Everybody cracked up.

**ROSE: Forwards. **

**_The Doctor presses a few buttons. _**

**THE DOCTOR: How far? **

**ROSE: ****_(picking random number) _**** One hundred years. **

"DULL!" Jack yelled. Martha swatted him over the head.

**_He pulls a lever and turns a knob. The engines lurch and then stop after a few seconds. _**

**THE DOCTOR: There you go, step outside those doors, it's the twenty-second century. **

**ROSE** **: You're kidding. **

"Why would I be kidding?" Tenny looked generally confused.

"Maybe because she never time-traveled before and she had to make sure you weren't talking random things." Jenny popped up helpfully.

"Thanks,"

**THE DOCTOR: That's a bit boring though, **

"I told you all!"

This time Tenny slapped him.

**THE DOCTOR: do you want to go further? **

**ROSE: Fine by me! **

"Fine by me, too!" All the companions screamed. Watching this was like being there, without the constant danger, so in a way, it was just as enjoyable.

**_The Doctor starts up the engines again. When they stop, he looks at her. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Ten thousand years in the future. Step outside, it's the year 12005, the New Roman Empire.**

"Really," Rory's head perked up, "A new Roman Empire, why hasn't anyone else done that yet? I mean, it's such a good idea..."

"GET OVER THE PLASTIC, HUSBAND!"

**ROSE: ****_(teasingly) _****You think you're so impressive.**

**THE DOCTOR: I AM so impressive! **

"True!" the Doctor's voice echoed.

"You wish!" Martha yelled.

**ROSE: You wish! **

"So the Doctor has standards for the personality, I see."

"SHUT UP, JACK!"

**THE DOCTOR: Right then, you asked for it. I know exactly where to go. ****_(revs up the engine, pumps a lever furiously) _****Hold on! **

**_The TARDIS hurtles through the time vortex. With a pinging noise, the TARDIS stops. _**

**ROSE: Where are we? **

Lean forward. Well, except for the Doctor.

**_The Doctor gestures towards the doors. Rose smiles excitedly. _**

**ROSE: What's out there? **

Leans forward more if possible.

**_The Doctor gestures again. Rose steps outside the doors. Rose finds herself in some kind of wooden room. The Doctor follows her and with his sonic screwdriver, opens the shutters of an enormous window. They go down the stairs and find themselves looking down on the planet Earth. _**

"It really is beautiful," Martha smiled.

"It was amazing to see it in its first days as well," Madame Vastra added.

**THE DOCTOR: You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you're going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible. Maybe you survive. This is the year5.5/apple/26. Five billion years in your future. This is the day... hold on... ****_(looks at his watch)_****This is the day the sun expands. Welcome to the end of the world.**

"That was one heck of a realization," Jack commented.

"Amazing speech, though," Rory attempted weakly.

"Yeah," Amy looked up, "When did you stop saying smart and cool stuff like that?"

Tenny and Eleven looked hurt. The rest roared with laughter.

**_Two space shuttles zoom towards Platform One, essentially a huge space station. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Shuttles 5 and 6 now docking. Guests are reminded that platform 1 forbids the use of weapons, teleportation and religion. Earth Death is scheduled for 15:39, followed by drinks in the Manchester Suite. **

"Why are you forbidden to use religion?" Jenny asked.

"Yeah," Martha looked confused, "You can't be there on Christmas and have a tree?"

Eleven looked up, "Some religions are powerful and destroy planets."

Shocked silence.

**_Rose and the Doctor are walking down a corridor. _**

**ROSE: So, when it says 'guests' does that mean people? **

"Why just people?" Jack asked, "I remember this one time with a Raxacoricofallapatorious..."

"Moving on!" Tenny interrupted. Everyone else looked generally disgusted.

"You were the one to take her to dinner!" Jack complained.

The heads of companions moved like a wave.

"Spoilers," Eleven brought up. River smiled at the use of her favorite word.

Jack caught this and winked at the Eleventh Doctor. Tenny was left in the dark to be curious.

**THE DOCTOR: Depends what you mean by people. **

**ROSE: I mean people. What do you mean? **

**THE DOCTOR: Aliens. **

"Depends what you mean by aliens." Amy fought back.

"Oh, Doc, she got you."

SMACK THE JACK GAME STARTS UP AGAIN.

"Don't call me Doc."

**ROSE: What are they doing on board this spaceship? What's it all for? **

**_The Doctor starts to open a door with his sonic screwdriver._**

**THE DOCTOR: It's not really a spaceship. More like an observation deck. The great and the good are gathering to watch the planet burn. **

Everyone looked horrified.

**ROSE: What for? **

**THE DOCTOR: Fun.**

That was really bad of the great and the good.

**_They enter a large observation gallery. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Mind you, when I said the great and the good, what I mean is, the rich. **

Correction. That was really bad of the rich.

**ROSE: But, hold on, they did this once on 'Newsround Extra' - the sun expanding - that takes hundreds of years. **

"I think I read that once," Rory scratched his chin absent-mindedly.

**THE DOCTOR: Millions. But the planet's now property of the National Trust. They've been keeping it preserved. See down there? ****_(points out of the window at tiny glints of light orbiting the Earth) _****Gravity satellite. That's holding back the sun. **

**ROSE: ****_(peering out of the window at Earth)_**** The planet looks the same as ever. I thought the continents shifted and things. **

"So," Martha looked up, "What will happen when all the planets DO shift and create like a reverse Pangaea. That will make a mountain range, so will everything be a mountain range someday?"

"And cue the National Trust!" Tenny pointed at the sky.

**THE DOCTOR: They did. And the trust shifted them back. That's a classic Earth. But now the money's run out, nature takes over!**

"So," Amy said, "Not even the humans wanted to save it?"

"I bet they did," Eleven told her.

"But they ran out of money," Tenny completed.

**ROSE: How long has it got?**

**_The Doctor looks at his watch. _**

**THE DOCTOR: About half an hour. And the planet gets roasted.**

"Yeah, you sound so happy about that." Jenny said.

The Doctors were saved by Strax.

"Save the planet from a long and painful death by melting it in acid for the glory of the Sontaran race!"

"Yeah," Madame Vastra replied, "Heard that one, before."

**ROSE: Is that why we're here? I mean, is that what you do? Jump in at the last minute and save the Earth? **

**THE DOCTOR: I'm not saving it. Time's up. **

The whole of the companions felt horrified that the Doctor would do something like that. But was he trying to make a point? To prove that everything dies? Or maybe something more about planets burning.

The companions all mentally gasped. Was he meaning she should feel the same for what he felt for Gallifrey? That was just cruel. But they excepted it as part of the Doctor and moved on.

**ROSE: But what about the people? **

"Yeah!" Rory complained.

"When I first went with the Doctor," Amy mentioned, "They all escaped and space ships."

**THE DOCTOR: It's empty! They're all gone. All left. **

"Told you."

**_Rose looks back to the window, realization spreading across her face. _**

**ROSE: Just me then. **

**_The Steward hurries towards them. _**

**STEWARD: Who the #!*% are you? **

"That's nice," Jack inspected him, he was blue, but otherwise okay.

**THE DOCTOR: Oh! That's nice, thanks. **

Both of the Doctors looked grossed out.

**STEWARD: But how did you get in? This is a maximum hospitality zone. The guests have disembarked! They're on their way any second now! **

"So," Madame Vastra looked around, "I guess you're going to use your psychic paper, now?"

**THE DOCTOR: That's me, I'm a guest, look! I've got an invitation! ****_(flashes a small leather wallet at the Steward)_**

"Hey!" Martha looked up, "We all know you so well." she poked the Tenth Doctor's shoulder.

**Look, there you see? It's fine, see? The Doctor plus one. I'm the Doctor, this is Rose Tyler. She's my plus one. That all right?**

**STEWARD: Well... obviously. ****_(Doctor grins) _****Apologies, et cetera. If you're on-board, we'd better start. Enjoy.**

**_The Doctor nods at him. After the steward walks off, the Doctor shows Rose the card he had flashed at the steward. It is completely blank. _**

**THE DOCTOR: The paper's slightly psychic. Shows them whatever I want them to see. Saves a lot of time. **

"Man," Jack cursed, "I want one!" he complained.

"Nope." the Doctor's said.

**ROSE: He's blue. **

"She's pink," the Doctor's said, again.

The other companions looked at him oddly. He does realize he looks exactly like us, right?

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah. **

**ROSE: Okay... **

**_The steward is now speaking through a microphone at the other end of the suite. _**

**STEWARD: We have in attendance, the Doctor and Rose Tyler. Thank you! All staff to their positions. **

**_He claps his hands and a lot of little blue people (the staff) start scurrying around. _**

**STEWARD: Hurry now! Thank you, as quick as we can! Come along, come along! And now, might I introduce the next honoured guest, representing the forest of Cheem, we have Trees. Namely, Jabe, Lute and Coffa. **

"Trees," Amy looked around, "Seriously?"

**_Jabe, Lute and Coffa walk through the doors._**

**STEWARD: There will be an exchange of gifts representing peace. If you can keep the room circulating, thank-you. Next, from the solicitors Jolco and Jolco, the Moxx of Balhoon. **

**_The Doctor smiles cheerily, as Rose looks on bewildered. _**

"I'm not sure this was the best first place to take her," Rory commented.

"I have to agree with you, dad," River glared at the Doctors.

**STEWARD: And next, from Financial Family Seven, we have the Adherents of the Repeated Meme. **

**_The Doctor chuckles at the look on Rose's face. _**

"Rude,"

**STEWARD: The inventors of hyposlip travel systems, the brothers Hop Pyleen. Thank you! **

**_Enter new aliens. _**

**STEWARD: Cal 'Spark Plug'. **

**_Enter new aliens. _**

**STEWARD: Mr. and Mrs Pakoo. **

**_Enter new aliens. _**

**STEWARD: The Ambassadors from the City State of Binding Light. **

**_Jabe approaches the Doctor. Either side of her, her companions are holding plant trays with little shoots in them. _**

**JABE: The Gift of Peace. ****_(takes a cutting, hands it to the Doctor) _****I bring you a cutting of my Grandfather. **

Every companion's mouths dropped.

**THE DOCTOR: Thank you! ****_(gives it to Rose) _****Yes, gifts... erm... **

**_He clears his throat and starts feeling his jacket for something, finding nothing, he says-_**

**THE DOCTOR: I give you in return, air from my lungs. **

**_He blows gently onto Jabe's face, who closes her eyes briefly. _**

"Smooth," Martha commented.

"Did you just do that because she was a tree?" Jenny asked.

"Kind of."

**JABE: How... intimate.**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(flirtatiously)_**** There's more where that came from.**

"Thank goodness you got better at flirting," Amy looked away from the screen into the Tenth Doctor's brown eyes.

The Eleventh Doctor then realized something then. If Amy could be calm with his past incarnation, then he can act better with old companions, not so...broken hearted.

**JABE** **_: _****I bet there is... **

**_Rose has the sort of look on her face that is to be expected of someone who has just witnessed their companion flirting with a tree. _**

"You just flirted with a tree." Jenny looked thoroughly disgusted.

Everyone else did to.

**STEWARD: Sponsor of the main event, please welcome the Face of Bo. **

**_A huge head in an equally huge jar is wheeled through the doors._**

Jack screams. But it was a manly scream, not a high pitched girly scream. Yeah...NOPE!

"He doesn't look to good, does he?" River Song laughed.

**_The Moxx of Balhoon approaches the Doctor and Rose. _**

**THE DOCTOR: The Moxx of Balhoon. **

**MOXX OF BALHOON: My felicitations on this historical happenstance. I give you the gift of bodily saliva. **

**_He spits accurately into Rose's left eye. _**.

"Ew," every single person in the room except for the Doctor looked really, _really _disgusted.

"What?" They asked innocently.

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(laughs)_**** Thank you very much. **

Cue glares.

"What?" They asked innocently.

Amy Pond pondered, "Well, maybe because she got spit in the eye!"

**_Rose rubs the spit out of her eye. Next, the Adherents of the Repeated Meme approach them._**

**THE DOCTOR: Ah! The Adherents of the Repeated Meme. I bring you air from my lungs. **

**_He breathes heavily over them all. _**

"Baby you light up my world like nobody else! The way you smile at the ground it is hard to tell you don't know, you don't know your beautiful!" Jack sang.

"Should we stop him?" Tenny stage-whispered.

Eleven takes a radio from the depths of his pocket, and, not even reluctant in the slightest, turns on the song.

The immortal man's head perks up, and, with a lot of dignity, looks at the sky and yells "You're beautiful too Jesus!"

"Are you kidding me?" River shot Jack in the face.

"Ah!" Jack fell backwards off of his chair. The immortal man's head hit the floor with a _thunk._

"Nice aiming skills," Martha commented.

"River...You just shot him!" Rory gaped.

"Yes," just as River said that, Jack returned to life.

**ADHERENT: A gift of peace in all good faith. **

**_He holds out a large silver egg, which the Doctor takes, throws up into the air, catches, and hands to Rose. _**

"Why are you making her carry everything?" Martha asked.

Eleven shrugged. "Just cause,"

**STEWARD: And last but not least, our very special guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, and Trees and Multiforms. Consider the Earth below. In memory of this dying world, we call forth The Last Human. **

**_The Doctor looks at Rose to see her reaction. The sliding doors open and what looks like a vertical trampoline made of human skin is wheeled through. It has eyes and a mouth, and wears lipstick. _**

"Are. You. Kidding. Me?" Amy asked, clenching her fists.

"Nope," Tenny sighed.

"Well, she wears lipstick," Jenny noticed.

"We shall melt him in boiling oil," Strax decided.

"No!" Madame Vastra and Jenny yelled.

"We shall not melt him in boiling oil," Mr. Potato-head clenched his fists.

**STEWARD: The Lady Cassandra O'Brien Dot Delta Seventeen.**

**CASSANDRA: Oh, now, don't stare. I know, I know it's shocking, isn't it? I've had my chin completely taken away and look at the difference! Look how thin I am. **

"Yes," Jack leaned forward. "You certainly are thin,"

**_The Doctor laughs silently but heartily and looks at Rose, who looks shocked. _**

"See? Even Rosie agrees with us!" Jack smiled.

"Stop it," Eleven and Tenny warned.

**CASSANDRA: Thin and dainty! I don't look a day over two thousand. Moisturize me, moisturize me. **

"In acid," Strax decided.

"I wish they did," Tenny and Eleven agreed.

Amy, Rory, Jack, and Martha looked at each other. The Doctor _never_ wanted violence.

**_One of the two men in white body suits who wheeled her in is holding a canister, which he sprays onto Cassandra. _**

**CASSANDRA: Truly, I am The Last Human. **

**_Rose creeps closer for a better look. _**

**CASSANDRA: My father was a Texan. My mother was from the Arctic Desert. They were born on the Earth and were the last to be buried in the soil. **

**_Rose has been walking around to the other side of Cassandra, to get a good view of her from all angels. She is completely flat. _**

"Thin and dainty!" The immortal man mocked her.

"Shut up, Jack," River glared at him.

**CASSANDRA: I have come to honour them and... ****_(sniffs)..._****say goodbye. Oh, no tears. ****_(bodyguard wipes her eyes) _****No tears. I'm sorry. But behold! I bring gifts. From Earth itself - the last remaining ostrich egg. **

**_One of the staff comes in and displays the egg to the room. _**

**CASSANDRA: Legend says it had a wingspan of 50 feet and blew fire from its nostrils.**

"As if!" Amy scoffed.

**_Rose looks mildly confused. _**

**CASSANDRA: Or was that my third husband?**

Tenny and Eleven burst out laughing.

**_Rose rolls her eyes but the Doctor laughs. _**

"Seriously?" Martha asked. "You guys are sorta alike. Sorta. Not completely. _Far _from completely."

**CASSANDRA: Who knows! Oh don't laugh. I'll get laughter lines! **

**_She laughs and mumbles to herself for a few seconds. Behind her, a large jukebox is wheeled into the room. _**

**CASSANDRA: And here, another rarity. According to the archives, this was called an iPod. It stores classical music from humanity's greatest composers. **

"Sweet!" Jack bopped his head around.

**_Rose looks amazed. _**

**CASSANDRA: Play on! **

**_One of the staff presses a button and a record falls into place. The 'iPod' starts playing Tainted Love by Soft Cell. The Doctor bops around appreciatively. _**

Everyone laughed.

"Seriously?" Jack looked at the sky, "Why me?"

"You never could dance, could you?" Amy asked.

"Hey!" Eleven glared at her.

**STEWARD: Refreshments will now be served. Earth Death in 30 minutes.  
**

"That's nice to know," Tenny stated sarcastically.

**_Rose has a lost, overwhelmed expression on her face. Everywhere she looks there are aliens, but no other humans. She rushes from the gallery. Concerned, the Doctor starts to follow her, but is stopped by Jabe._**

**JABE: Doctor? ****_(she snaps a photo of him when he pauses) _****Thank you. **

"Popular with the ladies, are we Doctor?" Jack lifted his eyebrows.

They glared at him.

**_The Doctor proceeds on. Jabe walks in the opposite direction. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme are offering the Steward a silver egg. _**

**ADHERENT: A gift of peace in all good faith. **

**STEWARD: No, you're very kind, but I'm just the Steward. **

**_The Adherents of the Repeated Meme holds the egg out more persistently. _**

**ADHERENT: A gift of peace in all good faith.**

**STEWARD: Oh, yes. Thank you. Of course. **

**_He takes the egg. Meanwhile, Jabe is trying to get her computer to identify the Doctor's species. _**

**JABE: Identify species. Please identify species. **

**_The computer makes a small whistling noise. _**

**JABE: Now, stop it. Identify his race. Where's he from? ****_(after a moment, stares at the computer in disbelief - hushed) _****It's impossible. **

"Really?" Tenny pouted. "And I thought Jack was the weird one,"

Jack glared at him good-heartedly.

**_In a nearby glass cabinet, a metal robotic spider climbs out of one of the metal eggs that the Adherents of the Repeated Meme had been handing out. _**

**_Rose, in another part of the ship, looks out of a window at the raging sun. She jumps when another one of the staff comes into the room, this one female. Her name is Raffalo. _**

**ROSE: Sorry, am I allowed to be in here? **

**_The employee looks around uneasily. _**

**RAFFALO: You have to give us permission to talk. **

**_She looks at Rose expectantly. Rose looks unsure. _**

**ROSE: Uh... you... have permission...?**

**RAFFALO: Thank you! And, no. You're not in the way. Guests are allowed anywhere. **

**ROSE: 'Kay. **

**_Raffalo goes to a panel in the wall and enters a code. Rose watches her. _**

**ROSE: What's your name?**

**RAFFALO: Raffalo.**

**ROSE: Raffalo? **

**RAFFALO: Yes, Miss. I won't be long, I've just got to carry out some maintenance.**

**_She kneels before an air vent. _**

**RAFFALO: There's a tiny little glitch in the Face of Bo suite. There must be something blocking the system - he's not getting any hot water.**

"Because he just loves steam baths," Eleven looked at him.

Jack glared at him. Why? Why did time have to corrupt him?

**ROSE: So, you're a plumber? **

**RAFFALO: That's right, Miss. **

**ROSE: They still have plumbers? **

"They will always have plumbers. Everyone will always be stupid with their plumbing devices." Jenny said seriously.

**RAFFALO: I hope so! Else I'm out of a job! **

**_Rose laughs. _**

As does everyone else.

**ROSE: Where are you from?**

**RAFFALO: Crespallion. **

**ROSE: That's a planet, is it?**

**RAFFALO: No, Crespallion's part of the Jaggit Brocade, affiliated to the Scarlet Junction, Convex 56. And where are you from, Miss? ****_(seems to remember herself) _****If you don't mind me asking. **

**ROSE: No! Not at all. Erm... I dunno, a long way away... I just sort of, hitched a lift with this man. ****_(only just realising the risk she's taken herself) _****I didn't even think about it... I don't even know who he is... he's a complete stranger...**

"What? Aw, man..." Tenny pouted again.

**_Raffalo looks slightly worried. Rose snaps herself out of it. _**

**ROSE: Anyway, don't let me keep you. Good luck with it! **

**_She begins to walk away. _**

**RAFFALO: Thank you, Miss. And- ****_(Rose turns) _****Thank you for the permission. Not many people are that considerate. **

"Seriously? They're rude!" Amy stared at the TV.

**ROSE: ****_(smiles) _****'Kay. See you later. **

**_Raffalo nods and smiles. When Rose has gone, she takes the cover off the air vent. _**

**RAFFALO: Now then. **

**_She peers into the vent and then speaks into a small microphone attached to her collar. _**

**RAFFALO: Control - I'm at Junction 19 and I think the problem's coming from in here. I'll go inside and have a look. ****_(Hears small tapping) _****What's that? Is there something in there? **

**_The metal spider we saw breaking out of the egg earlier appears at the end of the shaft._**

**RAFFALO: Oh! Who are you, then? **

**_The spider scurries away as if frightened. _**

**RAFFALO: Hold on! I... if you're an upgrade I just need to register you, that's all. Oh, come back! **

"If only they just needed to be registered." Eleven looked downcast.

"I knew there was something wrong with them from the moment I saw them," River stated.

**_A red beam of light falling on Raffalo's face tells us the spider has come back. _**

**RAFFALO: Ah, there you are. Now, I just need to register your ident. **

**_Another spider joins the first. _**

**RAFFALO: Oh, there's two of you! Got yourself a little mate! ****_(giggles) _****I think I'd better report this to control. How many of you are there? ****_(a third spider appears, and then a fourth) _****What are you? Oh, no. No. Nooooo! **

"No!" Jack wiped a tear from his eye.

"Stop it!" Eleven stated.

**_She is dragged head first into the air vent. _**

**_The steward enters and puts his egg on a nearby table and sits down. He listens to Control speaking. _**

**STEWARD: What's that? Well, how should I know? ****_(activates loudspeaker) _****Would the owner of the blue box in private gallery 15 please report to the steward's office immediately. Guests are reminded that use of ****_all_**** teleportation devices is strictly forbidden under Peace Treaty 5.4/cup/16. Thank you. **

"Doctor, you bad, bad boy," the immortal man winked at him.

Tenny and Eleven looked undoubtedly horrified.

River held her gun up. "Stop it,"

**_While he is talking, a spider has broken out of his egg and runs up the opposite wall. We are shown another shot of the burning sun and the satellite over the Earth. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 25 minutes. Earth Death in 25 minutes**

**_Rose sits on the steps, throwing the egg up in the air and catching it again when she hears this announcement. _**

**ROSE: Oh, thanks. **

**_She puts the egg down and turns her attention to the cutting of Jabe's grandfather. She picks it up. _**

**ROSE: Hello! My name's Rose. That's a sort of plant. We might be related.**

"You're talking to a plant," Rory observed bluntly.

"Ten out of ten for observation!" Tenny laughed.

**_She suddenly realizes what she is doing and hurriedly puts the plant down. _**

**ROSE: I'm talking to a twig. **

"Ten out of ten for observation!" Tenny laughed.

**_Behind her, the spider breaks out of the egg. _**

"No! Not Rosie!" Jack yelled.

"Poor girl," Madame Vastra looked at the telly.

**_The TARDIS is being dragged away by some of the staff. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oi, now, careful with that. Park it properly. No scratches. **

"Because if he hasn't see a friend and his TARDIS for a long time and he suddenly meets both in the same room, he goes to the TARDIS first," Martha said bluntly.

**_One of them walks up to the Doctor, squeaks at him, hands him a card and walks away again. The Doctor reads it - it says 'Have a nice day'. The Doctor looks at the retreating staff's back as if he or she is completely off his or her rocker, and walks off. A few of the metal spiders scurry up the wall behind him. A few more are running along the air vent. The spider that came out of Rose's egg appears to be scanning her hand, but Rose is completely oblivious._**

**_It jumps and runs to the air vent when the Doctor's voice floats through the door. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Rose? Are you in there? **

**_The spider scrambles through the vent just in time, before the Doctor comes through the door. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Aye aye! ****_(sits on other side of stairs) _****What do you think, then? **

**ROSE: Great! Yeah... fine. Once you get past the slightly psychic paper**

**_The Doctor laughs. There is a short pause. _**

**ROSE: They're just, so alien. ****_(Doctor looks at her questioningly)_****The aliens. Are so alien. You look at 'em... and they're alien. **

**THE DOCTOR: Good thing I didn't take you to the Deep South. **

**ROSE: ****_(as if looking at him properly for the first time) _****Where are you from? **

**THE DOCTOR: All over the place. **

**ROSE: They all speak English. **

**THE DOCTOR: No - you just ****_hear_**** English. It's a gift of the TARDIS. Telepathic field, gets inside your brain - translates. **

"You should have worded that better." Jenny stared at the Doctors.

"Yes, you should have," Amy glared at them.

**ROSE: It's inside my brain? **

**THE DOCTOR: Well, in a good way.**

"Trying to make it better, are we now?" Jack smiled sweetly.

"Womanizer," River coughed.

**ROSE: ****_(colder, starting to sound angry)_**** Your machine gets inside my head. It gets inside and it changes my mind, and you didn't even ask?**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(thrown) _****I didn't think about it like that. **

**ROSE: ****_(angrily) _****No! You were too busy thinking up cheap shots about the Deep South! Who are you then, Doctor? What are you called? What sort of alien are you? **

**_The Doctor sits up and looks away from her. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I'm just The Doctor. **

**ROSE: From what planet? **

**THE DOCTOR: Well, it's not as if you'll know where it is! **

"She really wouldn't," Eleven stated.

**ROSE: Where are you from?! **

**THE DOCTOR: What does it matter? **

**ROSE: Tell me who you are!**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(suddenly angry) _****This is who I am, right here, right now, alright? All that counts is here and now, and this is me! **

"Anger issues," Rory put his hands up.

"We can fix that by shoving a grenade down his throat." Strax decided.

"No more grenades!" Madame Vastra and Jenny yelled at him.

**ROSE: Yeah, and I'm here too because you brought me here, so just tell me! **

**_The Doctor gets up and walks down the steps away from her. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 20 minutes. Earth Death in 20 minutes. **

**_After a few moments, Rose gets up and follows the Doctor down the steps. _**

**ROSE: Alright... as my mate Shareen says... don't argue with the designated driver.**

"Especially if you're drunk," Jack explained.

Everyone rolled their eyes at him.

**_The Doctor, with his back turned to her, smiles at that. Rose gets her mobile out of her pocket. _**

**ROSE: Can't exactly call for a taxi... there's no signal. We're out of range. Just a bit! **

**THE DOCTOR: Tell you what**

**_He takes the phone from her. _**

**THE DOCTOR: With a little bit of jiggery pokery **

"What a technical term," Martha squeaked.

**_He takes the back off the phone. _**

**ROSE: Is that a technical term, 'jiggery pokery'? **

"You think like Rosie!" Jack pointed a finger at her.

"Shut up,"

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you? **

**ROSE: Nah, failed hullabaloo. **

**THE DOCTOR: Oooh. ****_(fits in a new battery, hands phone back to Rose) _****There you go.**

**_Rose takes it and looks at him uncertainly. He nods. Rose gets her mum's number onto the screen and puts the phone to her ear. It rings. We find ourselves in the Jackie's kitchen, 2005._**

**JACKIE: Hello? **

**ROSE: Mum? **

**_Jackie, at home, is putting some washing into the machine. _**

**JACKIE: Oh, what is it? What's wrong? What have I done now? Oh, this red top's falling to bits! You should get your money back.**

**JACKIE: Go on! There must be something, you never phone in the middle of the day! **

**_Rose laughs. _**

**JACKIE: What's so funny? **

**ROSE: Nothing! You all right, though? **

**JACKIE: Yeah! Why wouldn't I be? **

**ROSE: What day is it? **

**JACKIE: Wednesday. All day. You got a hangover? Oh, I tell you what, put a quid in that lottery syndicate, I'll pay you back later. **

"Why would Jackie have to ask that?" the immortal man laughed.

Everyone was rightfully disturbed at that.

**ROSE: Yeah, um, I was just calling 'cause I might be late home. **

**JACKIE: Is there something wrong? **

**ROSE: No! I'm fine! Top of the world!**

"Literally," Martha stated.

**_The Doctor laughs. Jackie puts the phone down. Rose lowers the mobile, stunned. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Think that's amazing, you want to see the bill.**

**ROSE: That was 5 billion years ago. So... she's dead now. Five billion years later, my mum's dead.**

"Duh," Jenny rolled her eyes.

**THE DOCTOR: Bundle of laughs, you are. **

**_The ship shudders. _**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(rather pleased and curious) _****That's not supposed to happen**

**STEWARD: ****_(to control)_**** Well, what was it? I'm just getting green lights at this end. ****_(activates loudspeaker) _****Honoured guests may be reassured that gravity pockets may cause slight turbulence, thanking you. **

**_As soon as it is switched off again, he speaks angrily to control again. _**

**STEWARD: The whole place shook! I felt it! I've hosted all sorts of events on platforms 1, 3, 6 and 15 and I've never felt the slightest tremor. I warn you, if this lot decide to sue... I'm going to scan the infrastructure. ****_(presses a few buttons) _****What's that? **

**_A spider scurries down the wall behind him. _**

"No! He may have been a bit rude at first, but he shouldn't die!" Amy yelled dramatically.

**STEWARD: Control, I don't want to worry you, but I'm picking up readings (****_computer beeps)_**** I have no idea! Well, they're small, and the scan says they're metal ****_(computer beeps - frustrated) _****I don't know what they look like! **

**_Suddenly, he spots the spider, which is now pottering around on his desk next to his mug._**

**STEWARD: Although, I imagine they might look rather like that... you're not on the guest list... how did you get on board?**

**_The spider looks at him almost mockingly and presses a yellow button on the control panel. The computerized woman's voice booms out again. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter deactivated.**

"Uh oh," River put her hand on her gun for reassurance.

**STEWARD: No. No! **

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. ****_The sunfilter does indeed, descend. _**

**STEWARD: ****_(frantic) _****No! Sunfilter, up! No, no, no! **

**_He fumbles frantically with the buttons on the control panels, but too late. _**

**STEWARD: Sunfilter up! Sunfilter up! **

**_Blinding light engulfs the steward. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. **

**_The Steward screams. _**

"Not the Steward!" Amy screamed.

**_Outside the room, the spider escapes through an air vent. The guests are completely oblivious to the commotion, chatting to each other. The Moxx of Balhoon is talking to the Face of Bo. _**

Jack shuddered.

**MOXX OF BALHOON: this is the Bad Wolf scenario.**

"Oh, are you kidding me?" Tenny asked, suddenly annoyed.

**_The Doctor and Rose enter._**

**THE DOCTOR: That wasn't a gravity pocket. I know gravity pockets and they don't feel like that. **

"What could it be?" Jack asked mysteriously.

"Shut up, Jack," Martha told him.

**_He is fiddling with a control panel next to the door. Jabe approaches them._**

**THE DOCTOR: What do you think, Jabe? Listened to the engines - they pitched up about 30 hertz, is that dodgy or what? **

**JABE: It's the sound of metal, it doesn't make any sense to me. **

**THE DOCTOR: Where's the engine room? **

**JABE: I don't know... but the maintenance duct is just behind our guest's suite, I could show you. And ****_(gestures Rose)_****...your wife. **

"Ha!" Jack laughed. "I knew it."

**THE DOCTOR: She's not my wife. **

**JABE: Partner? **

**THE DOCTOR: No. **

**JABE: Concubine? **

**THE DOCTOR: Nope. **

**_Jabe looks at Rose._**

**JABE: Prostitute**

"That's insulting to Rosie!" the Torchwood dude objected.

**ROSE: ****_(insulted) _****Whatever I am, it must be invisible, do you mind? Tell you what, you two go and pollinate, I'm going to catch up with family. Quick word with Michael Jackson.**

**_She makes her way over to Cassandra._**

**THE DOCTOR Don't start a fight.**

**THE DOCTOR:(proffers arm to Jabe) I'm all yours. **

**ROSE: ****_(watching them leave)_**** And I want you home by midnight! **

"You're not my mother!" Tenny retorted.

"You are talking to the TV," Madame Vastra reminded.

Tenny was at loss while he was sucked into his thoughts.

**_The Doctor grins back at her._**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 15 minutes. Earth Death in 15 minutes. **

**_Before the Doctor and Jabe enter, several spiders scurry out of view. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Who's in charge of Platform One? Is there a captain or what? **

**JABE: There's just the steward and the staff. All the rest is controlled by the metal man. **

**THE DOCTOR: You mean the computer? But who controls that? **

**JABE: The Corporation. They move Platform One from one artistic event to another. **

**_The Doctor is silent for a moment. _**

**THE DOCTOR: But there's no one from the corporation on board. **

**JABE: They're not needed. This facility is purely automatic. It's the height of the alpha class. Nothing can go wrong. **

**THE DOCTOR: Unsinkable?**

"You jinxed it!" Rory yelled.

**JABE: If you like. The nautical metaphor is appropriate. **

**THE DOCTOR: You're telling me. I was on board another ship once. They said that was unsinkable... I ended up clinging to an iceberg, it wasn't half cold. **

"Show off," River said playfully.

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(stops a moment) _****So, what you're saying is, if we get in trouble there's no one to help us out?**

**JABE: I'm afraid not. **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(grinning) _****Fantastic. **

**_He starts walking again. _**

**JABE: I don't understand. In what way is THAT fantastic?**

"Ah, you see, the Doctor is just weird," Jack smiled, placing a hand on Tenny.

"Get off!" Tenny judo flipped the immortal man.

"That's rude!"

**_Behind them, a spider creeps out of its hiding place. Rose is talking to Cassandra. They are looking out of a window at the sun and down at the Earth. _**

**CASSANDRA: Soon, the sun will blossom into a red giant, and my home will die. That's where I used to live, when I was a little boy. **

"What?" Everyone looked disturbed.

**CASSANDRA: Down there. Mummy and Daddy had a little house built into the side of the Los Angeles Crevice. ****_(sighs) _****I had such fun. **

**ROSE: What happened to everyone else? The Human Race - where did it go? **

**CASSANDRA: They say Mankind has touched every star in the sky. **

**ROSE: So, you're NOT the last human. **

**CASSANDRA: I am the last PURE human. The others... mingled. **

**CASSANDRA:** **_(disgusted) _****Oh, they call themselves 'New Humans' and 'Proto-humans' and 'Digi-humans' even 'Human-ish' but you know what I call them? ****_(lowers her voice to a whisper) _****Mongrels. **

"That's rude," Jack frowned.

"Tattle-tale," Eleven coughed.

**ROSE: Right. And you stayed behind. **

**CASSANDRA: I kept myself pure. **

**ROSE: How many operations have you had? **

**CASSANDRA: 708. Next week, it's 709, I'm having my blood bleached. Is that why you wanted a word? You could be flatter, Rose. You've got a little bit of a chin poking out. **

**ROSE: I'd rather die. **

"Go Rose!" Jenny yelled.

**CASSANDRA: Honestly, it doesn't hurt—**

"That's what all the dentists say before they do something really painful," Martha commented.

"I know right?" Amy smiled.

**ROSE: No, I mean it. I'd rather die. It's better to die than live like you - a #!*% trampoline.**

**CASSANDRA: Oh well. What do you know. **

**ROSE: I was born on that planet. And so was my mum, and so was my dad and that makes me officially the last human being in this room, 'cause you're not human. You've had it all nipped and tucked and flattened till there's nothing left. Anything human got chucked in the bin. You're just skin, Cassandra. Lipstick and skin. Nice talking.  
**

"Go Rose!"

**_She walks off. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme watch her leave through the sliding doors. The Doctor and Jabe are still making their way down the corridor, the low ceiling forcing them to stoop slightly._**

**THE DOCTOR: So, tell me, Jabe. What's a tree like you doing in a place like this? **

**JABE: Respect for the Earth. **

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, come on. Everyone on this platform's worth zillions.**

**JABE: Well... perhaps it's a case of having to be seen at the right occasions. **

**THE DOCTOR: In case your share prices drop? I know you lot. You've got massive forests everywhere, roots everywhere, and there's always money in land.**

**JABE: All the same. You respect the Earth as family. So many species evolved from that planet. Mankind is only one. I'm another. My ancestors were transplanted from the planet down below. And I'm a direct descendant of the tropical rainforest. **

"Really? Then, we might be related," Jack mocked Rose.

"Oh, stop it," Tenny pushed Jack.

**_The Doctor looks impressed. He then points to a control panel. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Excuse me. **

**_He gets out his sonic screwdriver and starts poking the screen with it._**

**JABE: And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two... perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left... ****_(no answer) _****I scanned you earlier. The metal machine had trouble identifying your species - refused to admit your existence. **

"Mhmm," Eleven hummed.

**_The Doctor pretends to be concentrating on the scan, but a flicker of emotion passes across his face._**

**JABE: And even when it named you, I wouldn't believe it. But it was right. **

"It's always right," Tenny sighed.

**_The Doctor stops scanning. Deep sadness is reflected in his eyes. Jabe's tone is hushed, awed._**

**JABE: I know where you're from. Forgive me for intruding, but it's remarkable that you even exist. I just want to say... how sorry I am.**

**_Jabe puts a comforting hand on his arm. _****_The Doctor's eyes are filled with tears. He places his hand over hers, and a tear falls down his cheek._**

"Aw, is the wittle Doctor cwying?" the Torchwood representative smirked.

"Shut your face hole," both the Doctors stated.

**_He quickly finishes the scan and he and Jabe go through a door. The Doctor and Jabe find themselves in the ventilation chamber. There are huge fans circulating in there. The Doctor looks down at Jabe. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Is it me, or is it a bit nippy? **

**_Rose walks alone down a corridor. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme are coming from the other end. She smiles at them, but the front one strikes her to the ground where she lies unconscious as they drag her from view. _**

"They are mean!" Martha frowned.

"We shall melt them in..." Strax was cut off.

"Shut up!" Madame Vastra glared at him.

**THE DOCTOR: Fair do's, though, that's a great bit of air conditioning. Sort of, nice and old fashioned. Bet they call it 'retro'. ****_(scans another control panel with his sonic screwdriver) _****Gotcha. **

**_The panel falls off and a spider scuttles out and scurries across the floor and up the wall. The Doctor and Jabe watch it. _**

**THE DOCTOR: What the #!*% 's that?**

**JABE: Is it part of the 'retro'? **

**THE DOCTOR: I don't think so. Hold on. **

**_He points the screwdriver at the spider. However, Jabe fires something up at the spider, disabling it. It comes falling into the Doctor's hand. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Hey! Nice liana!**

"Flirting," coughed Jack.

**JABE: Thank you! We're not supposed to show them in public. **

"Why not?" River asked innocently.

**THE DOCTOR: Don't worry, I won't tell anybody. ****_(turns his attention to the spider) _****Now then. Who's been bringing the pets on board? **

"It was the Adherents of the Repeated Meme!" Amy stood up and poked a finger at the screen.

**JABE: What does it do? **

**THE DOCTOR: Sabotage.**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 10 minutes. **

"Why can't that thing just shut up?" Rory asked.

"You could throw a grenade at it," Strax stated.

**THE DOCTOR: And the temperature's about to rocket. Come on. **

**_They hurry from the chamber. The aliens mill about. _**

**CASSANDRA: The planet's end. Come gather! Come gather! Bid farewell to the cradle of civilization. Let us mourn her with a traditional ballad. **

**_Britney Spears' Toxic suddenly blasts out of the enormous 'iPod'. _**

**_The Doctor and Jabe hurry along - the corridor is filled with smoke and the staff are coughing squeaky little coughs. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Come on! **

**Get back! ****_He moves his sonic screwdriver over another control panel. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising. **

**JABE: ****_(concerned)_**** Was the Steward in there?! **

**THE DOCTOR: You can smell him. Hold on - there's another sun filter program to descend.**

"That's pleasant," Amy wrinkled her nose.

"Hey, you weren't there!" Eleven glared at her.

**_'Toxic' plays loudly as Rose wakes up, rubbing her head._**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending. **

**_Rose sits up in alarm as the Sunfilter descends. She runs to the door and knocks on it frantically. _**

**ROSE: Let me out! **

"Demanding," Jack commented.

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. **

**_The Doctor runs along the corridor. _**

**ROSE: Let me out! Let me out! **

**_The Doctor arrives outside the door to attempt to make the Sunfilter rise again. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Anyone in there?**

**ROSE: ****_(frantically) _****Let me out! **

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, well, it would be you. **

"It's always the companion," the Doctors looked down.

**ROSE: Open the door! **

**THE DOCTOR: Hold on! Give us two ticks!**

"One tick, two tick. He's late!" the immortal man stood up and struck a pose.

"Sit down," River ordered.

**_The whole room is smoking. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending. **

**_The display on the control panel says 'Sunfilter Rising'. The Doctor looks up expectantly._**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising. **

**_The Doctor looks pleased with himself. Rose sighs with relief. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising... Sunfilter descending. **

"No!" Martha gasped.

**THE DOCTOR: This is just what we need. The computer's getting clever.**

**ROSE: Will you stop mucking about! **

**THE DOCTOR: I'm not mucking about, it's fighting back!**

"Excuses, excuses, excuses," Jack tutted while shaking his head. "Seriously Doctor?"

"It was fighting back!" Tenny threw his arms in the air.

**ROSE: Open the door! **

**THE DOCTOR: Hang on! **

**_Rose runs down the stairs and flattens herself to the floor. _**

**ROSE: The locks melted! **

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending. **

**_The Doctor jabs his sonic screwdriver right inside the wires. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising. **

**_Panting, Rose runs back to the door. The Doctor cannot open it. _**

**THE DOCTOR: The whole thing's jammed. I can't open the doors. Stay there! Don't move!**

**ROSE: ****_(terrified sort of sarcasm)_**** Where're am I gonna go?! Ipswich?! **

"What else would you do?" Jack asked.

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 5 minutes. **

**JABE: ****_(looking at her computer)_**** The metal machine confirms. The spider devices have infiltrated the whole of platform one. **

**CASSANDRA: How's that possible? Our private rooms are protected by a code wall. Moisturize me, moisturize me. **

**_The Doctor takes the destabilized spider out of Jabe's hand. _**

**MOXX OF BALHOON: Summon the Steward! **

**JABE: I'm afraid the Steward is dead. **

**_There is a general gasp of shock. _**

**MOXX OF BALHOON: Who killed him?**

**CASSANDRA: This whole event was sponsored by the Face of Bo! He invited us! ****_(Face of Bo shakes his head) _****Talk to the face! Talk to the face!**

"That's rude!" the face himself looked affronted.

**THE DOCTOR: Easy way of finding out. Someone bought a little pet on board. ****_(shows them the spider) _****Let's send him back to Master. **

Martha shuddered.

**_He places the spider down on the floor. The spider scuttles along to Cassandra and looks up at her. Cassandra looks shifty for a moment, but the spider moves on to the feet of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme. _**

**CASSANDRA: The Adherents of the Repeated Meme. J'accuse! **

"Haha! I knew it!" Amy did a happy dance.

**THE DOCTOR: That's all very well, and really kind of obvious, but if you stop and think about it**

**_The Adherents of the Repeated Meme tries to strike him, but he catches its arm and rips it off._**

**THE DOCTOR: A Repeated Meme is just an idea. And that's all they are. An idea. **

"What?" Amy pouted.

**_He rips a wire out of the arm and all of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme crumple into a bundle of black cloaks. Everyone gasps. Cassandra rolls her eyes. _**

"I know who it is!" Rory stage whispered.

"Shut up, you stupid face." the ginger kissed him.

**THE DOCTOR: Remote controlled Droids. Nice little cover for the ****_real_**** troublemaker. Go on, Jimbo! ****_(nudges spider with his foot)_****Go home! **

**_The spider ambles back over to Cassandra. _**

**CASSANDRA: I bet you were the school swot and never got kissed.**

"You know it's true, Doctor," River glared at him when he tried to make an excuse.

"Alright, it's true," Eleven pouted. Everyone laughed at him.

**_The Doctor raises his eyebrows. _**

**CASSANDRA: At arms! **

**_The two bodyguards with canisters on either side of her raise their canisters. _**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(mockingly)_**** What are you going to do, moisturize me? **

"Good one Doctor!" Jack bopped his head appreciatively.

"Shut up," Tenny glared at him.

**CASSANDRA: With acid. Oh, too late anyway. My spiders have control of the mainframe. Oh, you all carried them as gifts, tax free, past every code wall. I'm not just as pretty face. **

**THE DOCTOR: Sabotaging a ship while you're still inside it? How stupid's that? **

"It is pretty stupid," Martha agreed.

**CASSANDRA: I'd hoped to manufacture a hostage situation with myself as one of the victims. The compensation would have been enormous. **

**THE DOCTOR: Five billion years and it still comes down to money. **

**CASSANDRA: Do you think it's cheap, looking like this? Flatness costs a fortune. I am The Last Human, Doctor. Me. Not that freaky little kid of yours. **

**MOXX OF BALHOON: Arrest her! **

**CASSANDRA: Oh, shut it, pixie. I've still got my final option. **

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 3 minutes. **

"Shut up!" Jack put his hands to his ears.

**CASSANDRA: And here it comes. You're just as useful dead, all of you. I have shares in your rival companies and they'll triple in price as soon as you're dead. My spiders are primed and ready to destroy the safety systems. How did that old Earth song go? "Burn, baby, burn." **

**JABE: Then you'll burn with us. **

**CASSANDRA: Oh, I'm so sorry. I know the use of teleportation is strictly forbidden, but... I'm such a naughty thing. Spiders - activate. **

**_There are a series of explosions around the ship._**

**CASSANDRA: Force fields gone with the planet about to explode. At least it'll be quick. Just like my fifth husband. ****_(giggles) _**

"Just how many husbands has this woman had?" Amy looked disgusted.

**CASSANDRA: Oh, shame on me. Buh-bye, darlings! Buh-bye, my darlings**

**_She and her bodyguards teleport out. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels rising. **

**MOXX OF BALHOON: Reset the computer! **

**JABE: Only the Steward would know how. **

**THE DOCTOR: No. We can do it by hand. There must be a system restore switch. Jabe, come on. **

**_They leave the room. He calls back the crowd over his shoulder. _**

**THE DOCTOR: You lot - just chill!**

"Not the best word," Jenny noticed.

"We shall throw a grenade at him," Strax said seriously.

"No more grenades," Madame Vastra stated.

**COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 2 minutes. Earth Death in 2 minutes. **

**_Jabe and the Doctor are running back through the maintenance corridor._**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - critical. Heat levels - critical. **

**_The Doctor and Jabe reach the ventilation chamber. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oh. And guess where the switch is. **

**_The switch is located at the other side of the enormous fans. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - rising. Heat levels - rising. **

**_The Doctor pulls a lever down and the fans slow down. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: External temperature - 5 thousand degrees. **

"That ship's smoking!" Jack smiled.

"Shut up Jack," Eleven hit him. Hard.

"What a violent regeneration," the Torchwood representative glared good-naturedly.

**_As soon as the Doctor lets go of the lever, the fans start to speed up again. As the Doctor looks hopelessly at the fans, Jabe pulls the lever down again and holds it there._**

"No!" River gasped.

**THE DOCTOR: You can't. The heat's going to vent through this place. **

**JABE: I know. **

**THE DOCTOR: Jabe, you're made of wood. **

"He does have a point," Madame Vastra said.

**JABE: Then stop wasting time. Time Lord.**

**_He grins at her and runs back to the fans. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - rising. Heat levels - rising. **

**_The glass begins to crack. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - hazardous.**

**MOXX OF BALHOON: We're going to die! **

"That poor thing," Jenny sobbed.

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - hazardous. **

**_The Doctor dodges the first fan and runs underneath it. He looks anxiously up at the next one. The glass begins to crack. Rose cowers against the wall. _**

"Rosie!"

**COMPUTER VOICE: Shields malfunctioning. Shields malfunctioning. **

**_Rays of sun blast in through the cracks, burning holes in the parts of the metal wall they hit. Rose screams. The Doctor is still standing before the second fan. He looks back at Jabe who is sweating and breathing heavily. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - critical. Heat levels - critical. **

**_The Doctor dodges under the second fan. The glass cracks further, engulfing the Moxx of Balhoon in light. He cries out. The sunrays hit the wall either side of Rose. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - rising. Heat levels - rising. **

**_As the Doctor stands before the third fan. Jabe starts shaking violently. Suddenly, she gasps as one of her hands catches fire. She screams._**

"No! I liked her," Rory frowned.

"Why? Why? Why?" Jack was kneeling on the ground, sobbing.

**_The Doctor looks back, shocked. Now there is no one to hold the lever down, the fans circulate so fast that they can hardly be seen, in order to cool the ship down. It is impossible for the Doctor to get through. The walls around Rose are rapidly burning._**

**COMPUTER VOICE: Planet explodes in 10... 9... **

"Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two," Jack counted down.

"Shut up!" Amy hit him.

"You interrupted me!" the immortal man sobbed.

**_The Doctor closes his eyes. All grows quiet. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... **

**_The Doctor, still with his eyes closed, steps calmly though the fan._**

**_When at the other side, he opens his eyes and dashes to the switch, pulling it down. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Raise shields! **

**_Rose has her eyes closed and is shaking. _**

**COMPUTER VOICE: ...1 **

**_The force fields around the ships are reset just as the planet is engulfed in fire. It explodes, leaving the ship completely unharmed. _**

"It always is at the last second," Madame Vastra smiled.

**COMPUTER VOICE: Exoglass repair. Exoglass repair. **

**_The glass is automatically repaired. Rose opens her eyes, panting heavily. The Doctor walks back through the fans. He pauses for a moment to look sadly at the charred and smoking remains of Jabe. Rose walks back into the observation gallery, where all the aliens are sitting around, wounded or dead. The Doctor walks briskly in a few moments later. He glances at Rose but does not pause to talk to her. Instead he goes straight to Jabe's companions, mutters a few words to them and then places his hands on their shoulders, leaving them to grieve. He then walks back near Rose. _**

"I feel so bad for them," Martha sobbed.

**ROSE: You all right? **

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm full of ideas, I'm bristling with them. Idea number one - teleportation through five thousand degrees needs some kind of feed. Idea number two - this feed must be hidden nearby. **

**_He strides over to the ostrich egg, breaks it open and the teleportation feed falls out. He picks it up. _**

"Now it makes sense!" Jack face-palmed.

**THE DOCTOR: Idea number three - if you're as clever as me, then a teleportation feed can be reversed. **

"And just as modest!" Rory called.

**_He twists the feed. Cassandra appears before them, apparently in the middle of gloating._**

**CASSANDRA: Ah, you should have seen their little alien faces. ****_(notices her new surroundings)  
_****Oh. **

"Her face!" Tenny laughed.

**THE DOCTOR: The Last Human. **

**CASSANDRA: ****_(flustered)_**** so. You passed my little test. Bravo. This makes you eligible to join the er... the human club. **

**THE DOCTOR: People have died, Cassandra. You murdered them. **

**CASSANDRA: That depends on your definition of 'people'. And that's enough of a technicality to keep your lawyers dizzy for centuries. Take me to court then, Doctor! And watch me smile, and cry, and flutter... **

**THE DOCTOR: And creak? **

**CASSANDRA: And what? **

**THE DOCTOR: Creak! You're creaking. **

"You better save her," Amy glared at the Doctors. "Even if she's cruel, save her."

**_Cassandra's skin is tightening. Her eyes are becoming bloodshot and she is getting whiter and whiter. _**

**CASSANDRA: ****_(panicking)_**** What? Ah! Ah! I'm drying out! Oh, sweet heavens! Moisturize me! Moisturize me! Where are my surgeons? My lovely boys! It's too hot! **

**_She's covered in red blotches. _**

**THE DOCTOR: You raised the temperature.**

**CASSANDRA: ****_(terrified, pathetic)_**** Have pity! Moisturize me! Oh, Doctor! **

**ROSE: ****_(shaken)_**** Help her. **

**THE DOCTOR: Everything has its time and everything dies. **

**CASSANDRA: ****_(shrivelling up)_**** I'm... too... ****_young!_**

**_She explodes. The Doctor looks completely cold and not remotely fazed. He leaves the room. _**

Amy frowned. "Why?"

**COMPUTER VOICE: Shuttles 4 and 6 departing. This unit now closing down for maintenance.**

**_The Manchester Suit is now completely empty apart from Rose, who is standing at the window watching the Earth burn with a very vulnerable and sad look on her face, oblivious to the Doctor watching her from the doorway. Rocks fly past the window. She turns around when she hears the Doctor's footsteps as he comes to stand beside her. _**

**ROSE: ****_(tearfully) _****The end of the Earth. It's gone. And we were too busy saving ourselves, no one saw it go. **

"I just thought of that. That's so sad," Rory smiled sadly.

**ROSE:****_ (the Doctor looks down at her) _****All those years... all that history and no one was even looking. It's just...**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(holds his hand out to her)_**** Come with me. **

**_Rose takes his hand and they walk away together. Back in 2005, Rose steps out of the TARDIS. She looks around at the crowds, seeing them in a new light. The Doctor stands beside her. _**

**BIG ISSUE SELLER: Big issue! **

**THE DOCTOR: You think it'll last forever. People, and cars and concrete. But it won't. One day, it's all gone. Even the sky. ****_(they both look at the sky. After a moment -) _****My planet's gone. **

"And the big reveal!" Jack spread his arms out dramatically, hitting Tenny in the face.

"Watch it!" Tenny grabs him.

**_Rose turns to look at him. This is the first time he's mentioned his home. _**

**THE DOCTOR: It's dead. It burned like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust. Before it's time.**

**ROSE: What happened? **

**THE DOCTOR: There was a war. And we lost.**

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't," River smiled.

"What?" Eleven inquired.

"Spoilers."

**ROSE: A war with who? **

**_He doesn't answer, seemingly lost in thought. _**

**ROSE: What about your people? **

**THE DOCTOR: I'm a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords. They're all gone. I'm the only survivor. I'm left travelling on my own because there's no one else. **

"Not always," Amy smiled.

**ROSE: There's me.**

"At the time," Martha smiled.

**_She smiles at him. _**

**THE DOCTOR: You've seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home? **

"Why would she want to go home? It's awesome!" Jack crossed his legs.

**_Rose looks at him for a few seconds. _**

**ROSE: I don't know. I want... ****_(sniffs the air) _****Oh! Can you smell chips? **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(laughs)_**** Yeah. Yeah! **

**ROSE: I want chips. **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(smiling)_**** Me too. **

**ROSE: Right then, before you get me back in that box, chips it is, and you can pay. **

**THE DOCTOR: No money. **

"There's a whole lot of money in the TARDIS if you just didn't bothered to look," River sighed.

"There is?" Eleven looked interested.

River face-palmed.

**ROSE: What sort of date are you? Come on then, tightwad, chips are on me. **

**_He smiles at her, delighted. _**

**ROSE: We've only got five billion years before the shops close**

Laughter.

**_They walk down the street together laughing, Rose nuzzling her head against his shoulder. _**

"Well then, what now?" Martha asked.

Then, a brilliant flash of light filled the room, leaving the Master standing in its place.

In a second, Jack and River had their guns pointed at him. What surprised him was Eleven jumping in front of the Master, begging them not to shoot him.

"Doctor, you know what he did!" Jack hissed through his teeth."Yes, I do, and I regret every single moment of that, but I believe he's either changed or can be changed!" Eleven fought for is old friend.

Unknown to them, the Master had been crying all this time.

**A.N. Oh! Cliffy! If your wondering why the Master was crying, well he's coming from after the End of Time. I'll explain it again in a chapter though.**

**Please review!**


	5. The Curse of the Drums

**A.N. I'm back!**

**Disclaimer: I own none.**

The Master fell backwards on his knees. The constant drumming ringing about his head, sometimes echoing, courtesy of Rassilon, to make it even more painful. _One two three four. One two three four._

Those who knew the Master were shocked, the Master willingly just fell on his knees. Usually, he was the one who barked those orders.

Tenny attempted to get closer, only to be given a hand in the face. By Eleven, mouthing _Spoilers._

Eleven closed in on the Master. He had an idea of what happened. But it was an oh-so-terrible idea. One that he would certainly have nightmares about. If Rassilon had touched the Master...he would personally rip him from the Time Lock and throw him in a dying star, or black hole.

_Yep, there's the Oncoming Storm._

The Doctor's head swung around to find the Master staring at him. Using their abilities to send messages into peoples minds. The Master had gotten quite good at it in the 8th Doctors reign.

"What happened?" Eleven asked, wary that he might get a temper tantrum as a response.

"You-you left me. I saved your li-life and y-you left me." The Master trembled.

"Has a bit of a stutter there, doesn't he?" Jack asked in a mocking tone. He was _not _happy with the Master. No, nada, never, nope.

"Doctor? Who's he?" Amy asked gently. Rory closly following on her tail.

"He's my friend. My very, very old friend," Eleven looked sad, "I'm sorry, for spoilers, but I'm not sure if I could call him the Master. The Master died when he didn't regenerate. This is just an echo."

"What do you mean? Failed at regeneration?" Tenny shook his head, "Sorry, unless he ran out of re-incarnations..."

"He didn't want to," Eleven's voice was full of emotion.

Rory was sharing his thoughts to himself, _By being an old friend, he must be a Time Lord. That means the Doctor isn't alone! Well, it would mean they're the only two left...so he definetly doesn't have any family. The poor boy..._

"Watch who you call boy," the Master glared hard and cold at him, "I'm older than you."

"Must I repeat myself!" Eleven yelled, that got everyone's attention, he _never _yelled, "The Master died when he didn't regenerate. You're just a different version. I bet you're not even one year old yet, am I right? Just an _infant..._"

The Master didn't have a comeback for that. Probably because of how true the statement was.

"Also," Tenny got hooked on Eleven's rant, "Stay out of people's brains unless you're invited in."

The Master _knew _that he wasn't supposed to be randomly hooking onto people's thoughts. But the constant pounding in his ears. That's all he could focus on. The never ending drums. He just hoped he didn't accidently pick up a morbid thought. He could of sworn he heard Martha Jones cursing in his name. God help him if the Doctor decided to think about the Time War. And everytime he picked up on someone's thought, physical abuse could be expected. At least, that's what happened...

...on Gallifrey.

**A.N. I'm going off to bed now!**

**Review!**


	6. The Unquiet Dead

**A.N. I just wanted to say to all of you nice readers, I'm so happy to have you and I have good news.**

**It'll make your day.**

**I TOOK A CHALLENGE TO FINISH ALL OF THE EPISODES!**

**I will continue until I drop.**

**Co-author: LadyofStarclan**

**IF YOU HAVE A FANFICTION ACCOUNT PLEASE CHECK OUT THE FORUM 'WIBBLEY WOBBLEY TIMEY WIMEY STUFF'. WE'RE TRYING TO GET AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE!**

**Oh, this is LadyofStarClan here! I edited it, so everything but this tiny paragraph is my sister's. I personally think this will turn out awesome; my reason being is that QueenoftheBlackOrder likes the MasterWhump! and I like the DoctorWhump! So, if you see anything favoring one Time Lord, you probably know who is writing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Doctor, no matter how hard I dream to by Steven Moffat.**

_Seating change:_

_Amy, Rory, River_

_Madame Vastra, Jenny, Strax_

_Jack, Martha_

_Tenny, Master, Eleven_

"So," River broke the silence, "Should we continue?"

Everyone gave dull nods. Except the Master who knit his eyebrows together in confusion.

Eleven caught on, "We're watching about ME!" he said with glee.

"I'll come first," Tenny fought on.

"So basically you're calling yourself an old person?" River smiled.

Amy also smiled, perfect daughter! Rory remained silent. Ah...female dominant relationship.

"S-so" the Master asked, "You-you're going to see things I don't ex-exactly want you to see?"

"And how many of those moments are there?" Jenny asked.

"I've gathered far more than he'd of liked," Madame Vastra replied.

"Then we'll melt the tapes in acid," Strax muttered. The Master's eyes widened at the sight of the Silurian and the Sontaran.

"They're friends," Tenny answered the non-existent question.

**SNEED: Sneed and Company offer their sincerest condolences, sir. In this most trying hour.**

"We just started and it's already getting depressing," Martha smiled for the first time since the Master got here. She felt much safer with him around now that he was open and vulnerable, she even pitied him a little. _No, _she scolded herself, _You can never forgive him after what he did. _But was going on in front of her eyes were a different story.

**REDPATH: Grandmamma had a good innings, Mr. Sneed. She was so full of life. I can't believe she's gone. **

**SNEED: Not gone, Mr. Redpath, sir. Merely sleeping**

"I take in that, that's some sort of foreshadowing?" Rory looked a little sick at the idea.

The Doctors gave a short nod.

**_A short silence._**

**REDPATH: May I have a moment? **

**SNEED: Yes, of course. I shall be in the next room, should you require anything. **

**_He leaves Redpath alone with his Grandmother. Redpath, with his head bowed in grief, does not notice the gas enter her dead body and her eyes snap open._**

"Agh..." Rory made a mad dash to the bathroom.

"Well," Amy and River got settled again, covering the entire couch, "Give us a warning next time!" she yelled after him.

**_She suddenly grabs Redpath by the neck and throttles him. Mr. Sneed bursts back into the room upon hearing the_**** commotion. **

**SNEED: Oh, no. **

"He doesn't sound very surprised, does he?" Jenny questioned.

"Well, to him it already happened," Tenny got a hand to the mouth. Spoilers...

**_The old woman twists her grandson's neck around and he falls to the floor. Redpath tries to wrestle the lid back on the coffin. _**

**SNEED: Gwyneth!**

Jack smiled at the use of a version of his friend's name.

** Get down here now! We've got another one! **

Eleven face-palmed, he did give out a lot of spoilers, didn't he?

**_He is not strong enough to get the lid back on the coffin and the old woman kicks the side off. Mrs Pearce walks from the house, wailing. _**

**_Inside the TARDIS, it is mayhem. The whole ship is shaking and alarm is going off. _**

"Ah," River smiled, "Flight as usual."

The Doctors pouted.

"I was almost flung over the railing," Rory pointed out.

"It was hilarious!" Amy laughed.

"I usually try to brace myself to the console," Martha said, "But it all else fails push the Doctor out of the way and land in the pilot's seat."

Tenny pouted.

**THE DOCTOR: Hold that one down!**

**ROSE: I'm HOLDING this one down! **

**THE DOCTOR: Well, hold them BOTH down! **

"Picky, aren't you?" Jack smiled his dazzling smile.

"Stop it," the Doctors said in unison. The Master, despite his self smacked them with full-force over the head. Well, full-force weakened after Rassilon, but it still sent them flying across the room.

The companions, including Jack and Martha who had faced his wrath, were now truly frightened of the power the Master contained.

"Someone needs to strap him down!" Jack yelled.

"Tried that," Eleven pulled himself off the floor, "Didn't work."

Nobody noticed the Masters face turn into a blue skull momentarily.

**ROSE: It's not going to work! **

**THE DOCTOR: Oi! I promised you a time machine and that's what you're getting. Now, you've seen the future - let's have a look at the past. 1860. How does 1860 sound? **

**ROSE: What happened in 1860? **

**THE DOCTOR: I don't know, let's find out. Hold on, here we go! **

**_The TARDIS screeches through the time vortex. _**

"I see even on the outside it must be noticeable," the companions bowed there heads in shame. DOCTOR POUT.

**_Mr. Sneed is dabbing at his forehead. _**

**SNEED** **: Gwyneth! Where are you, girl? Gwyneth! **

**_(Gwyneth appears) _**

Jack gasped, Gwyneth looked exactly like Gwen!

He got the 'seriously' look.

**SNEED:** **Where've you been? I was shouting!**

"He's rude," Madame Vastra grumbled.

The Doctors just sat there, he didn't deserve his fate.

**GWYNETH: I've been in the stables, sir, bringing the ice for old Sampson. **

**SNEED: Well, get back in there and harness him up. **

"I love how he doesn't tell you who to harness," Harkness explained, "For all you know..."

"Stop it."

**GWYNETH: Whatever for, sir? **

**SNEED: The stiffs are getting lively again. **

"DUN-DUN-DUN...DUN!"

"Rory, husband, SHUT UP. See you don't like it when I yell in _your _ear."

**SNEED: Mr. Redpath's grandmother - she's up and on her feet and out there somewhere, on the streets! We've got to find her!**

**GWYNETH: Mr. Sneed, for shame! How many more times? It's ungodly! **

"It's weird." Martha corrected.

"Oh, come on," Jenny shrugged, "People from that time period sometimes miss the big picture."

**SNEED: Don't look at me like it's ****_my_**** fault! Now come on, hurry up! She was 86. She can't have got far. **

"I'm so old I've forgotten and you think 86 is old," the Doctors said. All the Timelords in the room snorted.

**GWYNETH: What about Mr. Redpath? Did you deal with him? **

**SNEED: No. She did. **

Everyone winced.

**GWYNETH: That's awful, sir. I know it's not my place, and please - forgive me for talking out of turn, sir. But this is getting beyond, now. ****_(Sneed nods) _****Something terrible is happening in this house, and we've got to get help.**

"That's the way to do it!" Jack clapped.

"Seriously?" the Master questioned.

"What?" Jack started.

"Nothing."

**SNEED: And we will! As soon as we get that dead old woman locked up and safe and sound. Now stop prevaricating girl, get the hearse ready. We're going body snatching.**

**_The TARDIS materializes on a deserted street. Snow is falling. The controls are steaming and both the Doctor and Rose are lying on the floor laughing. _**

"Can I guess?" River asked.

"I pi-piloted a Type 45 T-TARDIS," the Master butted in, "But I'm pret-ty sure on a T-Type 40 TARDIS, you're su-supposed to re-remove the b-brakes." he gave the Doctors, which was incredibly hard since they were on either side of him, and staring at him as well, the look.

"I think that's enough of the stutter for now," Martha silenced him.

**_They get up._**

**ROSE: Blimey! **

**THE DOCTOR: You're telling me! Are you alright? **

"Aren't you used to it by now?" Madame Vastra innocently asked.

**ROSE: Yeah. I think so! Nothing broken**

"Someday..." Rory droned on and on and on.

**... did we make it? Where are we? **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(studying the screen)_**** I did it! Give the man a medal.**

"You shouldn't need a medal," River gave him a stern glance.

"W-Well," the Master stutter, much to some peoples amusement, "He pro-probably would've be-been able t-to fly cor-correctly if he act-actually stayed for a s-school year."

"In English please?" Amy asked.

The Doctor sighed, "I ran away before I was correctly taught how to do it."

"Oh."

** Earth - Naples - December 24th, 1860.**

**ROSE: That's so weird... it's Christmas.**

**_The Doctor gestures towards the door. _**

**THE DOCTOR: All yours. **

"How often do you get to do that?" Jenny asked, her eyes blazed with excitement.

"Detonate it with a grenade, for the glory of the Sontaran race!"

O_o

**ROSE: But, it's like... think about it, though. Christmas. 1860. Happens once. Just once, and it's gone. It's finished. It'll never happen again. Except for you. ****_(studies him intently) _****You can go back and see days that are dead and gone and a hundred thousand sunsets ago... no wonder you never stay still **

**THE DOCTOR: Not a bad life. **

**ROSE: Better with two. **

"The story of my life," Tenny smiled.

"DON'T YOU DARE START SINGING, HARKNESS!"

**_They grin at each other for a few moments. Then Rose slaps his bum and dashes towards the door. _**

Jack began clapping and hollering, "Go Rose!"

Everyone really did like Rose.

**ROSE: Come on then! **

**THE DOCTOR: Oi, oi, oi! Where do you think you're going?! **

**ROSE: 1860! **

**THE DOCTOR: Go out there dressed like that, you'll start a riot, Barbarella! There's a wardrobe through there.**

"Just imagine if you went out anyway," Martha snickered.

**THE DOCTOR: First left, second right, third on the left, go straight ahead, under the stairs, past the bins, it's the fifth door on your left. Hurry up! **

"So it moved?" Amelia Pond asked.

"It's always moving," the Doctors smiled.

"In-Incredibly an-annoying if the T-TARDIS does-doesn't like y-you." the Master wheezed his breath.

"Oh," Tenny frowned, "Sorry."

**_Rose rushes off to get changed. The Doctor grins after her. _**

"And thus the start of a great relationship!" Jack announced.

Face palm.

**_Sneed and Gwyneth are driving through the streets looking for the old woman. _**

**SNEED: Not a sign. Where is she? **

**GWYNETH: She's vanished into the ether sir, where can she be? **

**_Sneed stops the hearse and looks at Gwyneth. _**

"Why's he looking at her?" Amy questioned.

**SNEED: You tell me, girl. **

"That's rude," Two out of the three of the Pasternogin gang said. Guess which one mentioned, "If I drop an atomic bomb..."

**GWYNETH: What do you mean? **

**SNEED: Gwyneth, you know full well. **

"I don't like the feeling of that," River sat up straighter.

**GWYNETH: No, sir. I can't. **

**SNEED: Use the sight.**

"What's the sight?" Rory whispered.

"Why're you whispering?" everyone questioned.

"It just felt right, sorry!"

**GWYNETH: It's not right, sir. **

**SNEED: Find the old lady. Or you're dismissed. **

Everyone gasped, that was mean!

Sorry, that sounded like a two year old did it.

**_Gwyneth looks anxious. _**

**SNEED: Now, look inside, girl. Look deep. Where is she? **

**_Gwyneth closes her eyes. _**

**GWYNETH: She's lost, sir. She's so alone. Oh, my lord. So many strange things in her head.**

Everyone felt so sorry for her. She's not the only one with sounds or strange things in the skull. Indicates to the Master.

"Ouch!" the Doctors whined.

"Better h-have h-hurt, strange thi-things in m-my head, pfft!"

Jack and Martha both looked up, one, because of the sudden noise, duh, and two, better reason, there was something inside the Master's head? Could that be the reason to why he's insane? But who would've had the nerve to place it in there knowing that he'd turn into a psychopath, you can only hope they find out.

"What do you mean strange things?" the Pond pondered. Amy was very confused.

Eleven beat Tenny to the punch, "He's been hearing a supposed drumming noise in his head for a long time now, and became known as planet freak if you get what I mean..." Tenny hit him across the face.

That'll hurt in the morning.

**SNEED: But where? **

**GWYNETH: She's excited. About tonight. Before she passed on, she was going to see him.**

"Who's 'him'?" Rory asked.

"I don't know, young Rory, but I am sure that we will come to a conclusion!" Jack stood up and stared into the distance dramatically.

SMACK THE JACK and Rory.

**SNEED: Who's 'him'? **

"That's what I asked!" the Roman pouted.

"Too bad," Amy stated.

**GWYNETH: A great man. All the way from London. The great, great man. **

"She's not giving him an answer," River noticed. "She's stalling,"

**_There is a knocking at a door. An old man - Charles Dickens is kneading his forehead inside the room. _**

"O-Oh, I-I met hi-him o-once...Qu-Quite an-annoying if-if you as-ask m-me," the Master stuttered.

"He was sort of a coward at first.." Eleven said; Tenny hit him over the head.

"Oi! What did I ever do to you?" the Eleventh yelled.

**STAGE MANAGER: Mr. Dickens! Mr. Dickens! Excuse me, sir, Mr. Dickens - this is your call.**

"It's Charles Dickens!" Martha gasped.

"Y-You ju-just n-noticed that?" You know who said that.

**_Mr. Dickens does not respond. The stage manager comes into the room. _**

**STAGE MANAGER: Are you quite well, sir? **

**DICKENS: Splendid, splendid. Sorry. **

**STAGE MANAGER: Time you were on, Sir. **

**DICKENS: Absolutely. I was just - brooding. ****_(stage manager throws him questioning look)_** **Christmas Eve. Not the best of times to be alone. **

**STAGE MANAGER: Did no one travel with you, sir? An old lady wife waiting out front?**

"Notice how she said 'old'." the Girl Who Waited commented.

**DICKENS: I'm afraid not. **

**STAGE MANAGER: ****_(laughs) _****You can have mine if you want.**

Jack, the Master, and the Doctors laughed at that.

"We can kill him with a grenade."

"Strax!" Madame Vastra and Jenny chastised.

**DICKENS: Oh, I wouldn't dare. I've been rather - let's say - clumsy, with family matters. By God, I'm too old to cause any more trouble. **

**STAGE MANAGER: You speak as though it's all over, sir! **

"Oh no!" everyone yelled.

"Was it getting to the period of his death?" Rory asked.

The Doctors nodded numbly.

**DICKENS: Oh, no, it's never over. On and on I go. The same old show. **

"Optimism!" everyone yelled.

**_They look at the poster announcing his show. _**

**DICKENS: I'm like a ghost, condemned to repeat myself... ****_(stands)_****for all eternity.**

"Well, someone's being a drama-queen today," Jack chuckled.

**STAGE MANAGER: It's never too late, sir. You could always think up some new turns.**

**DICKENS: No, I can't. Even my imagination grows stale. ****_(takes long swig of drink) _****I'm an old man. Perhaps I've thought everything I'll ever think. Still! The lure of the lime-light! As potent as a pipe what, eh? ****_(Stage manager helps him change his jacket) _****On with the show.**

**_In the TARDIS, the Doctor is doing some more unnecessary repair work. Rose swans in and he turns off his sonic screwdriver and looks at her in surprise. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Blimey!**

**ROSE: Don't laugh! **

"Why would we laugh, Rosie Posie?" Jack laughed, again.

"She looks beautiful!" Jenny exclaimed.

**THE DOCTOR: You look beautiful!**

"Who's that lady?" Jack sung.

"Shut your face," River gripped her gun.

**_Rose stops laughing and smiles instead. There is a pause and the Doctor looks away awkwardly. _**

**THE DOCTOR: considering. **

"There's always a 'considering'." Amy sighed.

**_He turns on his screwdriver again. _**

**ROSE: Considering what? **

**THE DOCTOR: That you're human! **

"Of course," River sighed.

"Th-That is a-a va-valid p-point," the Master said shyly.

**ROSE: ****_(amused)_**** I THINK that's a compliment... Aren't you going to change? **

**THE DOCTOR: I've changed my jumper! Come on! **

"Yeah, cause, sweetie," River breathed, trying to word it correctly before giving up, "It looks exactly the same." she finished bluntly.

"The difference in color might've been small..." Tenny babbled on for a minute, then another, then another.

"SHUT UP!"

**_He jumps out of the space beneath the controls._**

**ROSE: You, stay there! You've done this before. This is mine! **

**_She hurries towards the door and opens it. Rose looks out onto the 1860 street. She makes one footprint in the untouched snow then withdraws her foot again. Then she steps out altogether. The Doctor follows her. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Ready for this? **

**_She smiles and he offers her his arm. She takes it. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Here we go. History! **

**_They walk off together. The curtains open for Dickens' show. The audience applaud. The dead old woman is sitting slap bang in the middle of them. _**

"Awkward," it was Harkness.

SMACK THE JACK

**_The Doctor and Rose walk down the street, observing everything - Rose in amazement, the Doctor with his usual grin on his face. He walks in another direction and Rose follows. There are carol singers in the background. Sneed and Gwyneth arrive at the theatre._**

**GWYNETH: She's in there, sir, I'm certain of it. **

**_They alight from the hearse. Not far away, the Doctor is buying a newspaper. He unfolds it and scans it. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I got the flight a bit wrong. **

"MMMMMhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm," River and the Master chorused.

"Oh, shut up," Eleven prodded his temples.

**ROSE: I don't care. **

**THE DOCTOR: It's not 1860, it's 1869. **

"Th-That is s-such a-a b-big d-difference..."

**ROSE: I don't care! **

**THE DOCTOR: And it's not Naples. **

The Master looked at the Doctors. "S-Seriously?"

"Shut up," it was Tenny.

**ROSE: I don't care. **

**THE DOCTOR: It's Cardiff. **

"Woohoo!" Jack pumped his fist.

SMACK THE JACK

**ROSE: ****_(pauses)_**** Right**

"What's wrong with Cardiff?" Harkness asked.

"The fact that it has no grenades at the disposal of everyone," Strax offered.

"No grenades!" Madame Vastra and Jenny shouted.

**_Dickens is talking to a rapt audience. _**

**DICKENS: Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing particular about the knocker on the door of this house. **

**DICKENS: But let any man explain to me if he can, how it happened, that Scrooge, having his key in the lock of the door, saw in the knocker, without it's undergoing any intermediate process of change, not a knocker - but Marley's face. ****_(audience gasp) _****Marley's face! It looked at Scrooge as Marley used to look. It looked like...**

"Why did the audience gasp? It wasn't so surprising," Martha asked.

"Because it was their first time hearing it." Eleven was quick to reply, "And no, it's not a spoiler."

Tenny pouted. Now he'd get hit next. *pout*

**_The gas is escaping from the old woman. Dickens, seeing as how he is the only one facing the audience, is the only one to notice. _**

**DICKENS: Oh, my lord! It looked... like that! ****_(points a trembling finger at the old woman) _****What phantasmagoria is this? **

**_The woman has risen in her seat. She lets out a long, loud wail. The audience scream and trample each other in their hurry to get away. The Doctor and Rose hear the screaming. The Doctor grins. _**

**THE DOCTOR: That's more like it! **

"Don't sound so happy!" everyone yelled.

**_He tosses the newspaper over his shoulder and runs in the direction of the screaming. Rose follows. Dickens is desperately trying to get his audience to sit down again. _**

**DICKENS: Stay in your seats, I beg you. It is a lantern show, it's trickery. **

**_Sneed and Gwyneth are struggling against the crowds to enter. _**

**GWYNETH: There she is, sir! **

**SNEED: I can see that! **

**_The gas zooms around the room. _**

**SNEED: The whole bloomin' world can see that! **

**_The Doctor and Rose enter. They watch the gas zoom around. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Fantastic. **

"H-How is-is th-that f-fant-tastic?" the Master asked.

"it just is," Eleven smiled. "Geronimo!"

SMACK THE JACK, NO DOCTOR

* * *

**_The last of the gas leaves the old woman's mouth and she slumps back in the chair, just a dead body once more. The Doctor approaches Mr. Dickens. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Did you see where it came from? **

**DICKENS: Ah. The wag reveals himself, does he? I trust you're satisfied, sir! **

"He thinks you did it," Rory sounded amused.

"Of course he did," Tenny sounded proud.

River face-palmed.

**_The Doctor looks slightly taken aback. _**

**ROSE: Oi! Leave her alone! **

**_Sneed and Gwyneth are making off with the old woman's body. _**

"If only she knew they had good intentions," Eleven stared off into the distance. You could hear the dramatic music behind him.

**ROSE: Doctor, I'll get 'em! **

**THE DOCTOR: Be careful! **

"One day," Martha said, "Maybe one day you'll get a companion who'd actually listen to that."

**THE DOCTOR:****_ (jumps onto stage) _****Did it say anything? Could it speak? I'm The Doctor, by the way. **

**DICKENS: Doctor? You look more like a navy.**

"The Navy," Eleven grinned, "I could work that, I'd be 'The Navy Person',"

Amy and Rory face palmed. But trust me, some others did too.

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(indignantly)_**** What's WRONG with this jumper? **

"E-Everything," the Master stuttered.

"Why?" Tenny whined.

"Oh, grow up," River swatted their heads, then promptly returned to her seat.

**_Gwyneth and Sneed have successfully loaded the body into the back of the hearse. Rose catches up with them. _**

**ROSE: What're you doing?! **

"Oh, nothing much," Jack shrugged, "Just loading this body into the hearse and carriage, you needn't worry,"

SMACK THE JACK GAME CONTINUES.

**GWYNETH: Oh, it's such a tragedy, miss. Don't worry yourself, me and the master will deal with it. ****_(tries to bar Rose from seeing inside the hearse) _****The fact is, this poor lady's been taken with the brain fever and we have to get her to the infirmary. **

"Oh," Amy pointed at the screen childishly, but with a smile on her face, "He's a liar,"

Rory pushes her finger down.

**_Rose pushes Gwyneth aside and feels the old woman's forehead. _**

**ROSE: She's cold... she's dead! My God, what did you do to her? **

"How did she know that they did something? Couldn't it just be the gas that killed her? She wouldn't of known..." Martha shrugged.

"You're thinking about this too much," Tenny smiled, it was obvious he loved people with that trait.

**_Sneed approaches her silently from behind and clamps a tissue full of a drug, probably chloroform, to her mouth. She struggles for a few seconds and then goes limp._**

Everyone gasps.

"Why on Earth did he do that to Rose!" Jenny yelled. Before covering her mouth in embarrassment.

"It's immature in my eyes, tell the girl the truth," Madame Vastra shook her head.

"Well, I would be panicked from their position too," Jenny pointed out.

"You're only a monkey."

"Hey!"

**GWYNETH: ****_(shocked) _****What did you do that for? **

**SNEED: She's seen too much. Get her in the hearse! **

"They make it seem like they're already being hunted down by the police." Rory face palmed. He and Martha were already thinking of the side effects of the drug. Probably a headache, but nothing worse.

**_Gwyneth bends down to pick up Rose's legs. The blue gas is still zooming around inside. It dives into one of the gas lamps and disappears. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Gas! It's made of gas! **

"Ten out of ten for observation," Tenny grinned like an idiot.

"So basically you're calling yourself Captain Obvious?" Jack smiled.

"No, I'm not!"

"Really?"

"I'll get the oars, better get you're own ship, Captain," River stifled a laugh.

**_By the time the Doctor comes down the steps of the theatre, Gwyneth has just finished pushing Rose's head out of sight into the hearse. She slams the door shut. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Rose! **

"Aw," Jack puts his hands over his heart, "You did care!"

"Shut up," both of the Doctors were tomato red from embarrassment.

River and the Master laughed, yeah, they did, kill them.

**_He runs towards the hearse. _**

**DICKENS: You're not escaping me, sir! What do you know about that hobgoblin, hm? **

"Hobgoblin," everyone laughed.

"Y-Yes, Doctor, he-here," the Master tried to get through, "Our li-little s-stowaway,"

DOCTOR FACE PALM.

**_The hearse drives away. The Doctor stares after it. _**

"That'll help so much in a chase," River chastised.

"I can't help but agree with her," Amy said proudly.

**DICKENS: Projection on glass, I suppose. Who put you up to it? **

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah, mate. Not now, thanks. **

**_The Doctor spots a coach and runs towards it, shouting to the driver. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oi, you! Follow that hearse!**

**_He jumps into the coach._**

"That poor coach owner," Rory sympathized.

**DICKENS: You can't do that, sir! **

"Making my point, exactly!"

**THE DOCTOR: Why not? **

**DICKENS: Why not?! I'll give you a very good reason why not! This is my coach!**

Rory fangirl screamed.

"Um, dude," Tenny asked, "Are you okay?"

"Inside his coach?" he gasped.

"He'll get over it," Amy swatted him over the head.

**THE DOCTOR: Well, get in then! ****_(pulls Dickens in. To the driver-) _****Move!**

**_The coach rumbles off. _**

"Respect the figures of the world," Rory was on the floor now.

**DRIVER: Everything in order, Mr. Dickens? **

**DICKENS: No! It is not! **

"Listen to him!" everyone wanted Rory to shut up.

**THE DOCTOR: What did he say? **

**DICKENS: Let me say this first. I'm not without a sense of humour—**

"This'll be good," Rory finally gave up.

If you listened closely you could hear breathes of relief.

**THE DOCTOR: Dickens? **

"Did you just notice that?" everyone asked.

"Someone needs to study up on famous faces." everyone teased.

**DICKENS: Yes. **

**THE DOCTOR: Charles Dickens? **

"Here we go," Madame Vastra rolled her eyes.

**DICKENS: Yes. **

**THE DOCTOR: THE Charles Dickens?**

"What other?" Jack winked at the screen.

**DRIVER: Shall I remove the gentleman, sir? **

**THE DOCTOR: Charles Dickens! You're brilliant, you are! Completely 100% brilliant! I've read 'em all! Great Expectations, Oliver Twist and what's the other one, the one with the ghost?**

**DICKENS: A Christmas Carol? **

**THE DOCTOR: No, no, no, the one with the trains... The Signal Man, that's it, terrifying! ****_(Dickens looks pleased) _****The best short story ever written! You're a genius! **

**DRIVER: You want me to get rid of him, sir? **

**DICKENS: Er, no, I think he can stay. **

"Did you do that intentionally?" Rory asked.

"I don't think he did," Jenny giggled.

"If all else fails, detonate them with high velocity explosives," Strax mumbled.

**THE DOCTOR: Honestly, Charles - can I call you Charles? I'm such a big fan. **

"G-Get wi-with the tim-times, he'll b-be con-confused," the Master shook his head.

**DICKENS: what? A what? **

**THE DOCTOR: Fan! Number One Fan, that's me. **

**DICKENS: How exactly are you a fan? In what way do you resemble a means of keeping oneself cool? **

"His point is proven," River hailed.

Jack and Martha was wondering how everyone could be so kind to him, he tried to destroy the planet! But if they can seem to be trusting him, ish, then they might as well try.

The Doctors as if picking up on their thoughts smiled.

**THE DOCTOR: No, it means 'Fanatic', devoted to. Mind you, I've gotta say, that American bit in Martin Chuzzlewit, what was that about?! Was that just padding or what? I mean, it's rubbish, that bit. **

**DICKENS** **: ****_(disgruntled) _****I thought you said you were my fan. **

"You need to accept critics, there will be some." everyone sighed.

**THE DOCTOR: Ah, well, if you can't take criticism... go on, do the death of Little Nell, it cracks me up. No, sorry, come on, faster! **

**_The driver urges the horses on. _**

**DICKENS: Who exactly IS in that hearse? **

"Woah, did he just call Rosie a horse?" Jack asked.

SMACK THE JACK

**THE DOCTOR: My friend. She's only nineteen, and it's my fault. She's in my care, and now she's in danger. **

**DICKENS: Why are we wasting my time talking about dry old books? This is much more important. Driver! Be swift! The chase is on! **

"Go Charlie!" Tenny pumped his fist in the air.

"S-stop it-it,' the Master brought his fist down.

DOCTOR POUT

**DRVIER: Yes, sir! **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(delighted)_**** Thatta boy, Charlie!**

"W-Woah, d-did you j-just t-tell Dick-Dickens y-your na-name?" the Master looked at him, annoyed.

"Shut up," Eleven folded his arms across his chest.

"We will destroy it with grenades," Strax suggested.

"Yes, we really should,"

"Really?" Amy asked.

"Shut up, we didn't," Tenny stated.

"Meow," Rory said.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Did you just tell Dickens your name?" River asked, playfully.

"SHUT UP!" the Doctors punched the Master.

**DICKENS: Nobody calls me Charlie. **

**THE DOCTOR: The ladies do. **

"I bet they do," Jack winked.

**DICKENS: How do you know that? **

**THE DOCTOR: I told you - I'm your Number One—**

**DICKENS: Number One Fan, yes... **

**_Gwyneth and Sneed have one end each of Rose. They settle her down on a table that is evidently used for dead bodies. They leave the room, shutting and locking Rose in. A gas lamp flickers. There is a knock on the door. They both look up, alarmed. _**

**SNEED: Say I'm not in. Tell them we're closed. Just - just get rid of them. **

"LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!" Rory yelled.

At the same time...

LIAR! LIAR! PANTELONES EL FUEGO!" Eleven yelled.

"Idiots," River sighed.

**_Rose wakes up. She looks slightly out of sorts, and does not notice when the gas from the lamps fills the corpse of Redpath. He sits up suddenly. Dickens knocks on the door again and Gwyneth opens it. _**

**GWYNETH: I'm sorry, sir, we're closed. **

"She lied to me!" Eleven whined.

**DICKENS: Nonsense! Since when did an undertaker keep office hours? The dead don't die on schedule. I demand to see your master.**

"He doesn't mean you, by the way," Tenny told the Master.

**GWYNETH: He's not in, sir. **

**_She makes to shut the door, but Dickens forces it open again. _**

**DICKENS: ****_(angrily) _****Don't lie to me, child!**

**GWYNETH: I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Dickens, but the master's indisposed. **

**_Behind her, a gas lamp flares up. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Having trouble with your gas? **

"That sounds so wrong," Jack snickered.

"Shut up," Martha glared at him.

**DICKENS: What the Shakespeare is going on?**

"Oh, nice! I will totally use that some day!" Rory sounded excited.

"Oh, no," Amy frowned.

**_Rose suddenly notices the corpse behind her. She jumps in alarm as he starts making zombie noises at her. _**

**ROSE: Are you all right? You're kidding me, yeah? You're just kidding.**

**_He climbs out of the coffin. _**

**ROSE: You are, you're kidding me, aren't ya?**

**_He takes staggering steps towards her. _**

**ROSE: Okay, not kidding. **

**_She runs to the door and tries to open it. The Doctor forces his way in and presses his ear to the wall. _**

**GWYNETH: You're not allowed inside, sir! **

**THE DOCTOR: There's something inside the walls. **

"DUN DUN DUN, DUN!"

SMACK THE JACK

**_Rose backs against the door. The old woman's body rises from the other coffin and Rose gaps. _**

**THE DOCTOR: The gas pipes. Something's living inside the gas. **

"What could it be?" Martha looked confused.

**_Rose lobs a vase at Redpath. It does nothing but cause him to stumble slightly. Rose rattles the handle frantically. _**

**ROSE: Let me out! Open the door! **

**_Gwyneth, the Doctor and Dickens hear her. Gwyneth closes her eyes in dismay. _**

**THE DOCTOR: That's her. **

"No...It's my mother," Tenny said sarcastically.

"Really?" Jack took that seriously.

**_He runs off to her rescue. Dickens's follows. _**

**ROSE: Please, let me out! **

"What if he didn't?" the immortal man asked.

"I would never!" the Doctors explained.

**_Both corpses are walking towards her. The Doctor charges past Sneed. _**

**SNEED: This is my house! **

**_Dickens charges past him too. He shakes his finger at Gwyneth as she runs after them._**

"Someone was being naughty," Jenny observed.

"Doing what?" Jack raised his eyebrows.

**SNEED: I told you! **

**_Rose is still hammering on the door as the corpses get closer and closer. _**

**ROSE: Let me out! Somebody, open the door! Open the door! **

"Demanding!" Amy gasped in fake-shock.

"You don't like it when I do it," Rory pouted.

**_Redpath clasps a hand over her mouth, muffling her scream. At that moment, the Doctor kicks the door in._**

**THE DOCTOR: I think this is MY dance. **

"Aw!" Jack smiled.

"Shut up," Tenny blushed.

The daughter of the TARDIS gripped Eleven's hand.

**_He releases Rose from Redpath's grip. _**

**DICKENS: It's a prank? It must be. We're under some mesmeric influence.**

**THE DOCTOR: No, we're not. The dead are walking. ****_(grins down at the panting Rose) _****Hi!**

**ROSE: Hi! Who's your friend? **

**THE DOCTOR: Charles Dickens. **

**ROSE: Oh. Okay. **

"How can she not be freaking out?" Rory was hyperventilating. "It's Charles Dickens!"

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(to the corpses) _****My name's the Doctor. Who are you, then? What do you want? **

**REDPATH: We're failing. Open the rift, we're dying. Trapped in this form - cannot sustain - help us. **

"That'll get your attention," Martha smiled at the Doctor.

_I wish it didn't... _both the Doctors thought.

**_Both Redpath and his grandmother raise their heads to the ceiling. The blue gas leaves them with a wailing sound and both corpses fall to the floor. Gwyneth is pouring them all tea while Rose is having a go at Sneed. _**

"What is Rosie about to do?" Jack wiggled his eyebrows.

**ROSE: First of all you drug me, then you kidnap me, and don't think I didn't feel your hands having a quick wander, you dirty old man.**

"Oh!" Mr. Harkness smiled. "Someone has a crush!"

Tenny glared at him.

**_The Doctor sniggers. _**

"Somebody's laughing!" Jack glared back at Tenny, "Why are you glaring now?"

The question remained unanswered.

**SNEED: I won't be spoken to like this! **

**ROSE: Then you stuck me in a room full of zombies! And if that ain't enough - you swan off! And leave me to die! So come on - talk!**

**SNEED: It's not my fault, it's this house! It always had a reputation. Haunted. But I never had much bother until a few months back. And then the stiffs—**

**_Dickens looks mildly offended. _**

"Oh, God," Martha pushed Jack the chair.

The Torchwood dude got up, hesitated, and said, "I think you just broke my nose."

SMACK THE JACK

**SNEED: the er, dear departed started getting restless.**

**DICKENS: Tommyrot. **

**SNEED: You witnessed it! Can't keep the beggars down, sir! They walk. And it's the queerest thing that they hang on to scraps... **

**_Gwyneth gives the Doctor his tea. _**

**GWYNETH: Two sugars, sir, just how you like it. **

"How did she know that?" Rory asked.'

Eleven rolled his eyes.

**_The Doctor looks at her retreating back curiously. _**

"See? Even you don't know!" Rory pointed at Eleven.

**SNEED: One old fella who used to be a sexton almost walked into his own memorial service! Just like the old lady going to your performance, sir! Just as she planned. **

**DICKENS: Morbid fancy. **

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, Charles, you were there.**

**DICKENS: I saw nothing but an illusion.**

"Excuse me?" Rory looked hurt.

**THE DOCTOR: If you're going to deny it, don't waste my time. Just shut up. **

The Master slapped Tenny and Eleven in their faces. Hard.

"Woah!" Jack stood up and drew his gun when they were sent hurtling across the room.

"W-What?"

"Why did you slap them?" River picked at her finger nails, like today was normal.

"Th-they w-were b-being ru-rude," the Master responded honestly.

**_Dickens is stunned. _**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(to Sneed) _****What about the gas? **

"Slitheen!" Jack stood up and pointed to the TV.

**SNEED: That's new, sir, never seen anything like that. **

**HE DOCTOR: Means it's getting stronger, the rift's getting wider and something's sneaking through. **

"Hmm, I've heard about this," Harkness stroked his chin.

**ROSE: What's the rift? **

"Aw, I expected Rosie to be better than that!" Jack whined.

"OI, she just started, be quite," Tenny said irritated.

"Shush," Eleven shushed them; it worked.

"How do you do that?" Rory asked.

**THE DOCTOR: A weak point in time and space. The connection between this place and another. That's the cause of ghost stories, most of the time. **

**_After this, the doctor and Sneed have a conversation about the house, and Charles Dickens is looking for signs of trickery, he finds none and the doctor apologizes for telling him to shut up._**

**_Gwyneth is lighting another gas lamp when Rose comes in and starts washing up. _**

**GWYNETH: Please, Miss! You shouldn't be helping! It's not right! **

**ROSE: Don't be daft. Sneed works you to death. ****_(hands her the cloth to dry up) _****How much do you get paid? **

**GWYNETH: Eight pound a year, miss. **

Amy's jaw dropped. "How does she go shopping?"

"Mostly, people who made that much made their clothes," Tenny explained.

"B-But," the ginger pouted.

Eleven pouted. #notginger

**ROSE: That much? **

**GWYNETH: I know. I would've been happy with six. **

**_Rose looks dumbfounded. _**

**ROSE: So, did you go to school or what? **

**GWYNETH: Of course I did. What do you think I am? An urchin? I went every Sunday. Nice and proper. **

"That's so lucky!" Martha exclaimed.

**ROSE: What - once a week? **

**GWYNETH: We did sums and everything. To be honest, I hated every second. **

"Don't worry, so did we," Eleven gestured to himself, the other him, and the Master.

Everyone looked at him oddly.

**ROSE: Me too. **

**_They both laugh. _**

**GWYNETH: ****_(as if this is completely outrageous)_**** Don't tell anyone, but one week, I didn't go and ran on the heath all on my own! **

"W-Well, w-we di-di s-some of th-that stuff." the Master explained. "B-But m-mostly we-we ju-just to-torched th-the Cit-Citadel."

"Okay," Jack looks away awkwardly.

**ROSE: I did plenty of that. I used to go down the shops with my mate Shareen. And we used to go and look at boys! **

"You go girl," Jack smiled.

**_Gwyneth stops laughing at once and looks scandalized. _**

**GWYNETH: Well, I don't know much about that, miss. **

**_She turns back to the washing up. _**

**ROSE: Come on, times haven't changed that much! I bet you've done the same.**

**GWYNETH: I don't think so, miss. **

**ROSE: Gwyneth! You can tell me! Bet you've got your eye on someone. **

"Yeah, she had to have," Tenny sighed.

**GWYNETH: I suppose. There is one lad... **

"My point?" Eleven smirked.

Let us just say that Tenny glared at him fiercely.

**_Rose looks extremely chuffed. _**

**GWYNETH: The butcher's boy. He comes by every Tuesday. Such a lovely smile on him!**

**ROSE: Oh, I like a nice smile. Good smile, nice bum. **

"That is important," the Torchwood guy considered.

**_Again, Gwyneth looks shocked. _**

**GWYNETH: Well, I have never heard the like! **

**_Rose just laughs. Then, Gwyneth laughs too. _**

**ROSE: Ask him out! Give him a cup of tea or something, that's a start. **

**GWYNETH: I swear, it is the strangest thing, miss. You've got all the clothes and the breeding but you talk like some sort of wild thing! **

**ROSE: ****_(shrugs)_**** Maybe I am. Maybe that's a good thing. You need a bit more in your life than Mr Sneed. **

"Yes, she can't let him take over her life," Amy nodded.

The Doctors winced, they'd be so sad when they learned what happened.

**GWYNETH: Ah, now that's not fair. He's not so bad, old Sneed. He was very kind to me to take me in. Because I lost my mum and dad to the flu when I was twelve. **

**ROSE: Oh, I'm sorry. **

**GWYNETH: Thank you, miss. But I'll be with them again, one day. Sitting with them in paradise. I should be so blessed. They're waiting for me. Maybe your dad's up there waiting for you too, miss. **

"How did she know that?" Martha asked.

"Spoilers," Eleven smiled.

"Copy cat," Amy scoffed. "That's River's word."

**ROSE: Maybe. ****_(nods, then realises) _****Um, who told you he was dead? **

**_Gwyneth realises what she has said and turns quickly back to the washing up. _**

**GWYNETH: ****_(lightly) _****I don't know, must've been the Doctor.**

**ROSE: My father died years back. **

**GWYNETH: You've been thinking about him lately, more than ever. **

"Uh-oh, what is she thinking about?" Rory asked.

"Doing something incredibly stupid," the Doctors grumbled.

**ROSE: I s'pose so... how do you know all this? **

**GWYNETH: Mr. Sneed says I think too much. I'm all alone down here. I bet you've got dozens of servants, haven't you miss. **

"I bet she doesn't have one," Jenny smirked.

**_They laugh. _**

**ROSE: No, no servants where I'm from. **

**GWYNETH: And you've come such a long way. **

**ROSE: What makes you think so? **

"Yeah!" Jack stood up for Rose.

SMACK THE JACK

**GWYNETH: You're from London. I've seen London in drawings, but never like that. ****_(stares at Rose intently) _****All those people rushing about. Half naked, for shame. And the noise... and the metal boxes racing past... and the birds in the sky... they're metal as well. Metal birds with people in them. People flying. And you - you've flown so far, further than anyone! The things you've seen... the darkness... the big bad wolf - - **

"Bad Wolf..." Tenny looked incredibly confused.

**_GWYNETH:(staggers backwards, afraid) _****I'm sorry! I'm sorry, miss! **

**ROSE: S'alright... **

**GWYNETH: I can't help it - ever since I was a little girl. My mum said I had the sight. She told me to hide it! **

"Why hide such an awesome gift! She should use it to fight evil and stuff!" Amy looked confused.

**THE DOCTOR: But it's getting stronger. More powerful, is that right? **

**_Rose and Gwyneth both jump as they turn to see the Doctor standing in the doorway._**

"How long have you been standing there?" Martha looked annoyed.

**GWYNETH: All the time, sir. Every night. Voices in my head. **

**THE DOCTOR: You grew up on top of the rift. You're part of it. You're the key. **

**GWYNETH: I've tried to make sense of it, sir. Consulted with spiritualists, table wrappers, all sorts. **

**THE DOCTOR: Well, that should help. You can show us what to do. **

**GWYNETH: What to do where, sir? **

**THE DOCTOR: We're going to have a séance. **

"Oh, because that will fix everything," Madame Vastra said.

"Yes, it actually did but with a huge price," Eleven looked sad.

**_They are all sat around a table. _**

**GWYNETH: This is how Madam Mortlock summons those from the Land of Mists. Down in Mid Town. Come. We must all join hands. **

**DICKENS: I can't take part in this. **

"No! Not him! He must be possessed or something!" Rory wailed.

"Husband, shut up. Follow the story."

**_He gets up. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Humbug? Come on, open mind. **

**DICKENS: This is precisely the sort of cheap mummery I try to un-mask. Séances? Nothing but luminous tambourines and a squeeze box concealed between the knees. This girl knows nothing. **

"It's easy to think that. Even to you, Charlie," Tenny pouted.

**THE DOCTOR: Now, don't antagonize her. I love a happy medium. **

**ROSE: I can't believe you just said that. **

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(to Dickens) _****Come on, we might need you. **

**_Dickens sits down again. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Good man. Now, Gwyneth. Reach out. **

**GWYNETH: Speak to us. Are you there? Spirits? **

**_Dickens rolls his eyes._**

Rory felt his anger rising.

"St-Stop it," the Master instructed.

**GWYNETH: Come. Speak to us that we may relieve your burden. **

**_She raises her eyes to the ceiling. A murmuring fills the room. _**

**ROSE: Can you hear that? **

**DICKENS: Nothing can happen. This is sheer folly. **

"As if," Eleven stated.

"Shush," River used Eleven's trick.

"He told you!" Rory yelled.

"Yes, yes I did," the Eleventh rolled his eyes.

**ROSE: Look at her. **

**GWYNETH: I feel them. I feel them! **

**_The gas creatures begin to fill the room. _**

**ROSE: What're they saying? **

**THE DOCTOR: They can't get through the rift. Gwyneth, it's not controlling you, you're controlling it. Now look deep. Allow them through. **

**GWYNETH: I can't! **

**THE DOCTOR: Yes you can. Just believe it. I have faith in you, Gwyneth. Make the link.**

"He has faith. That's rare," Jack cracked a grin.

**_Gwyneth looks almost pained. Then suddenly, she lowers her head and opens her eyes. _**

**GWYNETH: Yes. **

**_Three gaseous figures appear behind her - the Gelth. Dickens' mouth drops open. _**

"Well, someone's surprised," Amy smirked.

"Serves him right," Martha agreed.

Rory looked really annoyed with the girls.

**SNEED: Great God. Sprits from the other side!**

**THE DOCTOR: The other side of the universe. **

**GELTH: Pity us. Pity the Gelth. There is so little time, help us. **

**THE DOCTOR: What do you want us to do? **

**GELTH: The rift. Take the girl to the rift. Make the bridge.**

**THE DOCTOR: What for? **

**GELTH: We are so very few. The last of our kind. We face extinction. **

**THE DOCTOR: Why, what happened? **

**GELTH: Once we had a physical form like you. But then the war came. **

**DICKENS: War? What war? **

**GELTH: The Time War. **

"That'll get his attention," Amy sighed sadly.

"It did," Eleven looked regretful.

"Spoilers," River stated before anyone could do anything else.

**_The Doctor and Rose glance at each other._**

**GELTH: The whole universe convulsed. The Time War raged invisible to smaller species but devastating to higher forms. Our bodies wasted away. We're trapped in this gaseous state.**

"So that's why they need the corpses!" Jack realized.

**THE DOCTOR: So that's why you need the corpses. **

Now, it was Jack's turn to look horrified. Everyone else burst out laughing.

**GELTH: We want to stand tall. To feel the sunlight. To live again. We need a physical form, and your dead are abandoned. They're going to waste, give them to us! **

**ROSE: But we can't!**

**THE DOCTOR: Why not? **

**ROSE: It's not... I mean, it's not... **

**THE DOCTOR: Not decent? Not polite? It could save their lives. **

"Yeah, it-it c-could," the Master agreed.

"Now someone sees my point!" Tenny sighed with relief.

**_They stare at each other for a moment._**

**GELTH: Open the rift. Let the Gelth through. We're dying. Help us. Pity the Gelth! **

**_They disappear and Gwyneth collapses forwards onto the table. Rose gets up immediately and goes to her. _**

**ROSE: Gwyneth! **

**DICKENS: All true. **

**ROSE: ****_(to Gwyneth) _****Are you okay? **

**DICKENS: It's all true. **

Rory brightened considerable at that.

**_The Doctor is silent. Rose is mopping Gwyneth's forehead as she lies asleep on a couch. Slowly, her eyes open. She fidgets. _**

"Oh, good, I was starting to get worried," Amy sighed.

The Doctors flinched; they were certain that they'd be extremely depressed when they heard the news.

**ROSE: It's alright. You just sleep. **

**GWYNETH: But my angels miss. **

**GWYNETH: They came, didn't they? They need me? **

"No, they don't," Tenny glared at the TV.

"Well, technically, they did, but..." Eleven was cut off by River's hand.

"Spoilers,"

**_The Doctor is leaning on a wall just behind Rose. _**

**THE DOCTOR: They do need you, Gwyneth. You're they're only chance of survival. **

"Are we having mixed feelings Doc?" Jack asked.

"DON'T CALL ME DOC!" Eleven and Tenny yelled.

"W-will you p-please b-be qu-quiet?" the Master asked.

**ROSE: ****_(turns angrily)_**** I've told you, leave her alone. She's exhausted and she's not fighting your battles.**

**_The Doctor leans his head back and sighs. Rose turns back to Gwyneth and offers her a drink._**

**ROSE: Drink this. **

**SNEED: Well, what did you say, Doctor? Explain it again. What are they? **

**THE DOCTOR: Aliens. **

**SNEED: Like... foreigners, you mean? **

"Yes, foreigners," River said seriously.

**THE DOCTOR: Pretty foreign, yeah. From up there. **

**_He points skywards. _**

**SNEED: Brecon?**

"Hah! Brecon! That's hilarious!" Jack burst out laughing.

"We will boil him in acid."

"NO!"

**THE DOCTOR: Close. They've been trying to get through from Brecon to Cardiff but the road's blocked. Only a few can get through and even then they're weak. They can only test drive the bodies for so long, then they have to revert to gas and hide in the pipes. **

**DICKENS: Which is why they need the girl. **

**ROSE: They're not having her. **

"Yeah!" Amy punched the air.

**THE DOCTOR: But she can help. Living on the rift, she's become part of it, she can open it up, make a bridge and let them through. **

**DICKENS: Incredible. Ghosts that are not ghosts but beings from another world who can only exist in our world by inhabiting cadavers. **

**THE DOCTOR: Good system. It might work. **

"He should have made a book," Rory mourned.

**_Rose gets up and walks over to the Doctor. _**

**ROSE: You can't let them run around inside dead people! **

"Why not?" the Master asked.

"See? NOW, someone agrees with me." Eleven joined Rory in mourning. "Why couldn't you be there when I needed support?"

**THE DOCTOR: Why not? It's like recycling.**

**ROSE: Seriously though, you can't. **

**THE DOCTOR: Seriously though, I can. **

"You are so incredibly rude!" Martha scolded. "It's wrong!"

"Seriously, if all of your kind's bodies decomposed, would you want to get new bodies?" Tenny asked.

"Well, yes, but that's different!" she yelled.

"Not really," Eleven joined in.

**ROSE:** **It's just... wrong! Those bodies were living people! We should respect them even in death! **

**THE DOCTOR: Do you carry a donor card? **

**ROSE: That's different, that's—**

"That is different," Madame Vastra explained.

**THE DOCTOR: It is different, yeah. It's a different morality. Get used to it or go home. ****_(Rose is silent. He speaks in softer tones -) _****You heard what they said, time's short. I can't worry about a few corpses when the last of the Gelth could be dying. **

**ROSE: I don't care, they're not using her. **

**GWYNETH: Don't I get a say, miss? **

**_Both Rose and the Doctor turn to look at her. _**

**ROSE: Look. You don't understand what's going on. **

**GWYNETH: You would say that miss. Because that's very clear inside your head, that you think I'm stupid. **

"It's easy to think that of people from the past," Rory stated sadly.

"Yes, yes it is," Eleven scanned everyone but himself and the Master.

"Hey!"

**ROSE: That's not fair! **

**GWYNETH: It's true, though. Things might be very different where you're from. But here and now, I know my own mind. And the angels need me. Doctor, what do I have to do? **

**THE DOCTOR: You don't HAVE to do anything. **

"You are a lot nicer to her!" Martha glared at the Doctors.

**GWYNETHL: They've been singing to me since I was a child. Sent by my mum on a holy mission. So tell me. **

**_The Doctor smiles at her. _**

**THE DOCTOR: We need to find the rift. ****_(approaches Sneed and Dickens) _****This house is on a weak spot, so there must be a spot that's weaker than any other. Mr. Sneed. What's the weakest part of this house? The place where most of the ghosts have been seen? **

**SNEED: That would be the Morgue.**

"Why the morgue?" Jack pouted. "Why not something nicer, like outside?"

**ROSE: ****_(still disgruntled)_**** No chance you were gonna say 'gazebo', was there? **

"Oh, man," the immortal man pouted again.

**_Everyone looks at her. The key turns in the Morgue, and they all troupe in, led by the Doctor. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Talk about Bleak House. **

**ROSE: The thing is, Doctor - the Gelth don't succeed. 'Cause I know they don't. I know for a fact there weren't corpses walking around in 1869. **

"Time can be rewritten," Tenny explained.

"We know!" everyone else shouted.

**THE DOCTOR: Time's in flux. It's changing every second. Your cozy little world could be rewritten like that. ****_(clicks his fingers) _****Nothing is safe. Remember that. Nothing. **

"Dun, dun, dun," Jack sang dramatically.

**DICKENS: Doctor - I think the room is getting colder. **

"That's what always happens in the movies!" Amy gasped.

"It also happens in real life!" Martha realized.

The Time Lords rolled their eyes. Women.

**ROSE: Here they come. **

**_The Gelth flood into the room. Their leader positions itself in an archway. It has the voice of a child. _**

**GELTH: You have come to help! Praise the Doctor! Praise him!**

**ROSE** **: Promise you won't hurt her! **

**GELTH: Hurry! Please. So little time. Pity the Gelth. **

**THE DOCTOR: I'll take you somewhere else after the transfer. Somewhere you can build proper bodies. This isn't a permanent solution, alright? **

**GWYNETH: My angels. I can help them live. **

**THE DOCTOR: Okay, where's the weak point? **

**GELTH: Here, beneath the arch. **

**_Gwyneth positions herself beneath the arch. _**

**GWYNETH: Beneath the arch. **

**_Rose rushes to her._**

**ROSE: You don't have to do this.**

"There is no convincing her not to," Madame Vastra closed her eyes.

"Poor girl," Jenny cried.

"We will bury her with a grenade," Strax said with absolutely no emotion.

**_Gwyneth places her hands on Rose's cheeks. _**

**GWYNETH: My angels. **

**_Rose staggers backwards._**

**GELTH: Establish the bridge, reach out of the void, let us through! **

**GWYNETH: Yes. I can see you! I can see you! Come! **

**GELTH: Bridgehead establishing. **

**GWYNETH: Come! Come to me! Come to this world, poor lost souls! **

The Doctors looked away: it had begun.

**GELTH: It is begun! The bridge is made! **

**_Gwyneth's mouth opens and the Gelth pour out of it. _**

**GELTH: She has given herself to the Gelth! **

**DICKENS: There's rather a lot of them, eh? **

**GELTH: The bridge is open. We descend.**

**_Suddenly, the figure becomes demonic. The gas turns from blue to red._**

"Uh-oh," Amy sighed.

**GELTH: The Gelth will come through in force. **

"No!" Rory cried.

**DICKENS: You said that you were ****_few_**** in number! **

**GELTH: A few billion. And all of us in need of corpses.**

"They're going to take over the planet!" Martha realized.

"Y-You di-didn't n-notice ea-earlier?" the Master asked.

"No,"

**_The bodies rise. _**

**SNEED: Gwyneth... stop this! Listen to your master! This has gone far enough. Stop dabbling, child, leave these things alone. I beg of you—**

**ROSE: Mr. Sneed! Get back! **

**_A corpse grabs Sneed from behind and holds him still while another of the Gelth fills his body through his mouth. The Doctor and Rose leap back. Mr Sneed looks up at them through blank, dead eyes._**

"He didn't deserve that," Jenny closed her eyes.

"What's done is done," Madame Vastra joined Jenny in the eye-closing.

**THE DOCTOR: I think it's gone a little bit wrong. **

**SNEED: I have joined the legions of the Gelth. Come. March with us. **

**DICKENS: No! **

"Yeah! You go Charlie!" Rory bounced up and down with excitement.

**_The corpses advance on the Doctor and Rose._**

**GELTH: We need bodies. All of you. Dead. The human race. Dead. **

**_They are backing the Doctor and Rose against a dungeon door._**

**THE DOCTOR: Gwyneth, stop them! Send them back! Now! **

**GELTH: Three more bodies. Make them vessels for the Gelth. **

**DICKENS: I- I can't! I'm sorry! **

**_The Doctor looks behind him, spots the dungeon door, pushes Rose in there with him and slams it shut again so they are both locked in there._**

"Yes, b-because that w-was so sm-smart," the Master rolled his eyes.

"I was getting desperate!" Tenny defended.

"Sure,"

**DICKENS: It's too much for me! I'm so—**

**_He jumps and runs from the Morgue as one of the Gelth screeches and swoops at him. _**

**_The corpses are clambering to get in the dungeon._**

**GELTH; Give yourself to glory. Sacrifice your lives for the Gelth. **

**THE DOCTOR: I trusted you. I pitied you!**

"Realization shock: they lied," Jack looked sad.

**GELTH: We don't want your pity! We want this world and all its flesh.**

"Predictable," Amy didn't pity them anymore.

"They just had to mention the Time War," River gripped her husband.

**_They are rattling the door._**

**THE DOCTOR: Not while I'm alive. **

**GELTH: Then live no more.**

**_Dickens has run from the Morgue and rests panting against the door. The gaseous creatures swirl around the knocker, making it look exactly like the knocker from his story 'A Christmas Carol', and he runs again. The Doctor and Rose are flattened against the dungeon wall while the Gelth are rattling the door._**

**ROSE: But I can't die. ****_(looks at the Doctor for reassurance) _****Tell me I can't! I haven't even been born yet, it's impossible for me to die! Isn't it?! **

"It is highly possible," the Doctors both explained.

"WE KNOW!"

**THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry. **

**_Dickens has run from the house altogether. One of the Gelth has followed him. _**

**GELTH: Failing! Atmosphere hostile! **

**_The figure dives into a gas lamp._**

**DICKENS: ****_(realising)_**** Gas... Gas! **

"Go Charlie!" Rory pumped his fist in the air.

"Rory, husband, shut up,"

**ROSE: But it's 1869, how can I die now? **

**THE DOCTOR: Time isn't a straight line. It can twist into any shape. You can be born in the 20th century and die in the 19th and it's all my fault. I brought you here. **

**ROSE: It's not your fault. I wanted to come. **

**THE DOCTOR: What about me? I saw the fall of Troy! World War Five!**

"And we're worried about World War Three," Martha was shocked.

"That's how thick the human race can be sometimes," Eleven stated.

"Shut up," Martha glared at him.

**THE DOCTOR: I pushed boxes at the Boston Tea Party, now I'm going to die in a dungeon! ****_(horrified) _****In Cardiff! **

"What's wrong with Cardiff?" Jack asked.

**ROSE: It's not just dying. We'll become one of them. **

**_Dickens rushes back into the house and begins to turn all the flames off the gas lamps, so that the gas is released into the air. Wheezing slightly, he covers his nose and mouth with a handkerchief._**

**ROSE: We'll go down fighting, yeah? **

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah. **

**ROSE: Together? **

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah! **

**_They link hands._**

**THE DOCTOR: I'm so glad I met you. **

**_Rose looks up at him, surprised._**

**ROSE: Me too. **

"The start of a new age," Jack stood up. "Can you see it?"

Rory stood up with him. "Yes, I can see it

"What exactly is it?" the Torchwood guy asked.

"No idea," the Roman answered.

SMACK THE JACK and Rory

**_They smile at each other. At that moment, Dickens rushes into the room._**

**DICKENS: Doctor! Turn OFF the flame, turn UP the gas! Now fill the room, all of it, now! **

**THE DOCTOR: What're you doing? **

**DICKENS: Turn it all on! Gas the place! **

**_He turns another one on._**

**THE DOCTOR: Brilliant. Gas! **

"Fantastic," the Master looked up.

Let's just say the Doctors burst out laughing.

**ROSE: What, so we choke to death instead? **

**DICKENS: Am I correct, Doctor? These creatures are gaseous! **

**THE DOCTOR: Fill the room with gas, it'll draw them out of the host. Suck them into the air like poison from a wound! **

**_The corpses all decide to turn on Dickens instead._**

**DICKENS: I hope... oh, Lord. I hope that this theory will be validated soon. **

"Go Charlie!" Rory danced.

**_The corpses advance dangerously on him. _**

**DICKENS: If not immediately. **

**THE DOCTOR: Plenty more! **

**_He smashes a gas canister against the wall and all the creatures are sucked from the bodies with a scream. _**

**DICKENS: It's working. **

**_The Doctor and Rose are free to come out of the dungeon._**

**THE DOCTOR: Gwyneth! Send them back! They lied, they're not angels. **

**GWYNETH: ****_(simply) _****Liars. **

"She's under the influence!" Amy cried.

"Ex-excuse me?" the Master raised an eyebrow.

"What?" the ginger asked.

"Under the influence means drunk," Jack snickered.

"Oh, never mind,"

**THE DOCTOR: Look at me. If your mother and father could look down and see this, they'd tell you the same. They'd give you the strength. Now send them back! **

**ROSE** **_: (choked) _****Can't breathe. **

**THE DOCTOR: Charles, get her out. **

"Yeah, get Rosie out!"

**_Dickens grabs Rose's arm, but she shakes him off._**

**ROSE: I'm not leaving her! **

**GWYNETH: They're too strong. **

**THE DOCTOR: Remember that world you saw? Rose's world? All those people - none of it will exist unless you send them back through the rift. **

**GWYNETH: ****_(firmly) _****I can't send them back. But I can hold them. Hold them in this place, hold them here. Get out. **

"No," a tear flowed down both the girls' faces.

**_Her hand goes to her apron pocket and she takes out a box of matches. Rose rushes forwards._**

**ROSE: You can't!**

"She agrees with us," Martha squeaked.

**GWYNETH: Leave this place! **

**_The Doctor grabs Rose's shoulders. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Rose, get out, go now, I won't leave her while she's still in danger, now go!**

"You'd never leave behind someone in danger," River closed her eyes.

**_Dickens and Rose leave the Morgue. The Doctor holds his hand out for the matches. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Now give that to me. **

**_Gwyneth does not respond. _**

**_Dickens leads Rose back through the dark house, filled with gas. _**

**DICKENS: This way!**

**_The Doctor places his hand on Gwyneth's neck, feeling for a pulse. His face falls. _**

"She's already dead, isn't she?" Jack questioned.

"Yeah," Eleven answered.

"Predictable,"

**THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry. ****_(places a kiss on her forehead) _****Thank you. **

**_He runs from the Morgue. Gwyneth takes a match out of the box and waits for a few moments, to be sure the Doctor is safely out of the house. Then she strikes the match. The whole house goes up in flames, the Doctor diving out of the doorway only just in time to join Rose and Dickens. _**

**_Rose fixes him with a look that plainly asks why Gwyneth is not with him. The Doctor looks back at her. _**

**ROSE: She didn't make it. **

**THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry. She closed the rift. **

**DICKENS: At such a cost. The poor child. **

"At least he has a heart," Rory wailed. Yes, wailed.

"Shush," Eleven put a finger to his lips.

"Can you PLEASE tell me how to do that?"

"No,"

**_Rose has not looked away from the Doctor. _**

**THE DOCTOR: I did try, Rose, but Gwyneth was already dead. She had been for at least five minutes. **

**ROSE: What do you mean? **

**THE DOCTOR: I think she was dead from the minute she stood in that arch. **

**ROSE: But... she can't have, she spoke to us. She helped us - she saved us. How could she have done that? **

**DICKENS: There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Even for you, Doctor. **

**ROSE: She saved the world. A servant girl. No one will ever know. **

"The world will know. I'll document this in the Torchwood archives." Jack smiled sadly.

Everyone smiled gratefully at him.

**_All three of them gaze at the burning house. The Doctor, Rose and Dickens have arrived back at the TARDIS. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Right then, Charlie-boy, I've just got to go into my um... shed. Won't be long! **

"Sh-shed. Th-That h-has t-to b-be th-the m-most in-insulting thing the D-Doctor has ev-every c-called his T-TARDIS." the Master stuttered.

**_He fits the key in the lock. _**

**ROSE : ****_(to Dickens) _****What're you going to do now? **

**DICKENS: I shall take the mail coach back to London. Quite literally post-haste. This is no time for me to be on my own. I shall spend Christmas with my family and make amends to them. After all I've learned tonight, there can be nothing more vital. **

**THE DOCTOR: You've cheered up! **

**DICKENS: ****_(enthusiastically) _****Exceedingly! This morning, I thought I knew everything in the world and now I know I've just started! All these huge and wonderful notions, Doctor! I'm inspired. I must write about them! **

"Yes, he should have," Rory nodded.

**ROSE: Do you think that's wise? **

**DICKENS: I shall be subtle at first. The Mystery of Edwin Drood still lacks an ending. Perhaps the killer was not the boy's uncle. Perhaps he was not of this earth. The Mystery of Edwin Drood and the Blue Elementals. I can spread the word! Tell the truth! **

**THE DOCTOR: Good luck with it. Nice to meet you. ****_(shakes Dickens' hand) _****Fantastic. **

"Oh," the Master blushed.

**_He turns back to the TARDIS door. _**

**ROSE: Bye, then. And, thanks. **

**_She kisses him on the cheek. Dickens looks taken-aback. _**

**DICKENS: Oh, my dear- how modern. Thank you, but, I don't understand - in what way is this goodbye? Where are you going? **

**THE DOCTOR: You'll see. In the shed. **

"You're gonna give him a heart attack!" Rory wailed.

"I think I'll!" Jack sung.

"Shut up, Harkness!" Eleven yelled.

**_He opens the door of the TARDIS._**

**DICKENS: Oh, my soul. Doctor, it's one riddle after another with you. But after all these revelations, there's one mystery you still haven't explained. Answer me this - who are you? **

**_A pause. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Just a friend. Passing through. **

"Lying by omission," Martha grinned.

**DICKENS: But you have such knowledge of future times. I don't wish to impose on you, but I must ask you. My books. Doctor - do they last? **

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, yes! **

**DICKENS: For how long?**

**THE DOCTOR: Forever! **

"Really?" Rory looked astonished. "Cool!"

**_Dickens tries to look pleased and modest at the same time. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Right. Shed. Come on, Rose... **

**_They both turn to the door. _**

**DICKENS: In - in the box? Both of you? **

"You have no clue what he was thinking," Jack grinned.

"Stop it," Tenny glared at him.

**THE DOCTOR: Down boy. See ya! **

**_The Doctor and Rose enter the TARDIS and shut the door after them. _**

**ROSE: Doesn't that change history if he writes about blue ghosts? **

**THE DOCTOR: In a week's time it's 1870, and that's the year he dies. Sorry. He'll never get to tell his story. **

"That's so sad," Rory started to tear up.

"Don't cry, stupid face," Amy kissed him.

"Stop it!" Tenny repeated.

**_They both look at the screen where they can see Dickens is still standing outside. _**

**ROSE: Oh, no! He was so nice.**

**THE DOCTOR: But in your time, he was already dead! We've brought him back to life! He's more alive now than he's ever been, old Charlie-boy. Let's give him one last surprise. **

"If you give him a heart attack..." Rory left the threat hanging.

"He didn't have one!" Eleven put his hands up.

**_He hits a button and the engines rev up. They smile as they watch Dickens' face when the TARDIS disappears before his eyes. Laughing, Dickens' walks away from where the TARDIS stood. Dickens emerges into the Square. _**

"He's so happy!" Rory smiled.

**PASSER-BY: Merry Christmas, sir. **

**DICKENS: Merry Christmas to you. God bless us! Everyone! **

"And that's the end," Martha smiled.

"That was both so sad and so happy I don't know what to think of it," Amy was confused.

And that was when there was a great big flash of light.

A red-headed Victorian-looking woman fell, as did a scruffy looking man with blue eyes.

The woman screamed, "ULYSSES!"

The man yelled, "PENELOPE!"

"Um," everyone looked at them, "Who are you?"

They didn't know what happened, but both people were over at the Doctors and the Master's couch, hugging the Doctors, and they could even see them doing the same with the Master.

"So, um, who are they?" Rory asked.

"They're my mother and father," both the Doctors said on impulse.

"Really?" Amy walked up, "So these are the in-laws,"

Tenny spit out his words, "What?"

Another bright flash, out fell a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, and an older boy with brown hair and golden eyes.

The little boy yelled, "BRAX!"

The older boy yelled, "THETA!"

"Well, ain't this getting awkward," the Master paused, "I finally GOT RID OF THE STUTTER!"

Handel's Hallelujah Chorus started playing randomly.

"Sorry," Irving Braxiatel shrugged, "Couldn't help it?"

"Who invited the family over?" Tenny demanded, he looked very red-in-the-face.

"Family?" Martha echoed, "Older and younger brother?"

"Older brother, yes," Eleven continued, "And then there's me!"

JAW DROP

Another flash of light, and a little boy fell he had brown hair and blue eyes, Tenny jumped to his feet and caught him.

"You know," Jack rubbed his head, "I'm used to people yelling their names, now I don't know him..."

The boy leapt up and was like, "ME!"

All of the many Timelords now face palm.

"What?" the boy 'Me' said.

"I'm here for you!" Theta said dramatically, "Koschei!"

The Doctors looked embarrassed, but were to busy thinking about the time they actually behaved.

The Master, he was covering his face.

"So," Martha looked down and up the new boy, then pointed at the Doctor, "Is this one of your incarnations, Doctor?"

"Nope," Tenny looked gleefully at the Master, "It's his,"

"I CAN'T BARE THE SHAME!" the Master yelled.

"Hurtful," Koschei turned away.

**Hey, still LadyofStarClan here, but please call me Moyashi. Call QueenoftheBlackOrder, Usagi. That's what we call each other all the time.**

**Oi, Moyashi, I'm still here too! QotBO or Usagi here!**

**Anyways, review!**


	7. From Dinner to Bed

**I ALREADY DISCLAIMED THIS! YAY!**

Another flash of light, this was starting to get repetitive, and a little girl fell, brown curls bouncing behind her. Eleven this time, caught her.

"USHAS!" Theta and Koschei grinned ear to ear.

"Oh, snap," the Doctors and the Master said.

Martha and Jack looked at each other and then the others, they were all thinking, 'How many Timelords are there?'.

"Oh great," Ulysses broke the heavy silence, "The trio of troublemakers, Theta, Koschei, and Ushas,"

"Excuse me?" Jack asked.

"They're known throughout Gallifrey as being the ones who make pranks and stuff, if you notice we're being cautious, you probably should be to," Brax shrugged.

"Oh come on," the trio said, Ushas was pleading in front of his face and Theta and Koschei were on either shoulder, "You know you love us."

"Great, now they've targeted me," Brax hid his face.

"Now, why would you say that?" Koschei put on his innocent face. Everyone's hearts melted, yes, even the Doctors', Martha's and Jack's, who knew what he would turn into.

"Gee," Brax continued, "Let me think, there is a balloon filled with oil above me isn't there,"

"No," Ushas hesitated.

"Here it is!" Theta smashed it into his face.

The tree keeled over laughing.

Everyone was laughing, it was hilarious!

"Oh," Penelope smiled, "You want to see something funny, I'll ask the TARDIS to make some Gallifreyan food for you."

Something was evil in her voice. It set others off.

Everyone was thinking, how bad is this food?

At dinner, Penelope was introduced the foods.

You could see all of the Timelords, younger and older grinning like idiots. For some peculiar reason Ushas, Theta and Koschei were giggling like idiots.

Penelope brought out this thick substance, "This is Karmine pudding, it's given it's red appearance from a pigment made from aluminum salt..."

Let's just say, they _managed _to eat it.

"Next," Ulysses took over, "We have Dactyl eggs, they sometimes are referred to on Earth as 'foot' in the metric system, but let's face it. It's made of real feet,"

TIME LORD GRIN

"What would be a better use of this?" Theta asked.

Ushas whispered something in his ear.

Everyone immediately bristled.

Theta turned to Koschei and repeated what Ushas had said.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

Everyone smiled. Until Martha got pummeled in the head by a Dactyl foot.

"Oh, it's on now, shortstack!" she yelled at Koschei.

FIVE HOURS LATER

"Oh," Jack lied on the couch, everyone was a mess, "I'm in so much pain, but I feel so good!"

"I think everyone needs to take a shower," Ulysses told everyone, then gave the Trio of Trouble a look that said, 'Don't cross me', in other words...a father's expression.

They scampered off as quickly as they could.

The TARDIS was watching them, and she couldn't help but smile. This was how it was _supposed _to be. Everyone gathered there, like a family. That's why there has been so many add-ons to the TV watching.

The Doctors overheard his girl's thinking and smiled.

The TARDIS also rearranged bedroom orders. There is more people now. Everyone slept in this big room, the beds forming a circle all together.

Brax stood up, "I think I should tell some Gallifreyan tales. For interest to some, and bedtime stories for others!" He put his face right by the Troublesome Trio.

"Okay so let's start," he sat straighter everyone was listening to him now, "The Pandorica, built to hold the most dangerous being in all of the cosmos."

"Yeah, it was horrible," Eleven shuddered.

"You were in there?" Tenny asked.

"Yep,"

"I missed it!" the Master fell to his knees, "I helped build it and I missed it!"

"Do me a favor," River smiled brightly, "And SHUT UP!"

"You got burned," Koschei was smiling a delightful smile, not an insane one.

"You do realize that's you, right?" Ushas asked playfully.

"Oh, you're a let down."

"Hey!"

No one, time lord or companion, could hold their laughter at that point.

"Moving on to the next story," Brax moved closer, "Next, we have the Toclafane,"

"SHUT UP!" the Master yelled, "SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!"

He ran into a corner and began to cry, covering his eyes.

Tenny and Eleven were snickering all the way.

"And the Toclafane would eat you while you sleep if you've been naughty."

Koschei yelped and hid under the covers.

"Good night," Brax said creepily as he turned out the lights.

**A.N. Two chapters in one day. I think I'll start that up, you know, because it takes a while to do an episode. REVIEW!**


	8. Aliens in London

**A.N. I'm so happy to have all you readers, seriously I mean it. And here it is. GriffinGirl8655 asked me where Donna was and I was just like, 'I said I'd make the TARDIS family! So where in the Blue Box is Donna!'**

**Also, I've been receiving help from SusanJ-Sparrow, so give that amazing reader a round of applause.**

**Hey, this is me, LadyofStarClan here, just saying what's up.**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the following: Doctor Who**

There was a flash of light and several screams.

Out fell a total of Sarah Jane, Luke, Donna, Rose, Jackie, Mickey, Wilfred, the 9th Doctor, the 12th Doctor, Clara and Danny Pink.

Now the total of people were:

_Nine_

_Tenny_

_Eleven_

_Twelve_

_Rose Tyler_

_Jackie Tyler_

_Martha Jones_

_Donna Noble_

_Jack Harkness_

_Mickey Smith_

_Clara Oswin Oswald_

_Amy Pond_

_Rory Williams_

_Danny Pink_

_Sarah Jane Smith_

_Luke Smith_

_Wilfred Mott_

_River Song_

_Penelope Gates_

_Ulysses_

_Theta Sigma_

_Koschei_

_Ushas_

_Irving Braxiatel_

_Madame Vastra_

_Jenny_

_Strax_

"Wow," Martha said after intense hugging of friends, "That's like 25 people."

"Do you know what this calls for?" Tenny asked, seeming tired already, "Seating arrangements."

Everyone groans.

Especially because there isn't enough seats.

But first Mickey's having a realization, "Wait," he paused, "So that cute little kid's the Doctor?"

"Rickey!" Nine warned.

"Mickey!" Mickey snapped back.

"I feel for you," Danny Pink said, "The Doctor currently feels the need to shout in my face."

Clara winced.

"You're the tin dogs!" Theta shouts gleefully.

Both of Mickey's and Danny's faces turn stony.

"You were a devil as a kid, Doc!" Jack laughed.

"Ya, I um, will, um, work on that," Tenny ran his hands through his hair nervously.

"We're teasing you!" Amy looked at him.

But she was cut off from saying more from...

"I was YOUNG!" Eleven was mourning, "It could've been everything but old!"

"Well, then," Twelve pauses, "But look at me eyebrows! You could unscrew a water bottle with these!"

Amy just walked up to him with a sign that said, 'Forever Scottish', and gave him a high five.

"Hello dear," Tenny asks the TARDIS, Nine shudders at the small hint of domesticism, "We need some more seats,"

A groaning noise makes some more couches.

Everyone shoved all the Doctors onto one couch, then made sure they were in number order.

The Master, Braxiatel, Penelope and Ulysses claim a Time Lord couch.

Madame Vastra, Jenny, and Strax claimed one.

On the biggest couch, all of the companions or in other words, humans sat down.

In the end it looked like this:

_Nine, Tenny, Eleven, Twelve_

_The Master, Braxiatel, Penelope, Ulysses, River_

_Madame Vastra, Jenny, Strax_

_Rose, Jackie, Martha, Donna, Jack, Mickey, Clara, Danny, Amy, Rory, Luke,__ Sarah Jane_

Oh, and did I mention, that Ushas, Koschei and Theta took the ground?

"Why do we have to sit on the ground?" Ushas whined.

"Because," Braxiatel looks very serious, "We need to keep an eye on you all."

Everyone thought Koschei looked blurry for a brief moment, but thought something was in their eye.

Well, the humans, Sontaran, and Silurian did.

"KOSCHEI!" all the Time Lords yelled.

"What did I do?" he asks innocently.

"He did nothing wrong!" Theta whined.

"Now I know something's up," Ulysses groaned.

"Well, we can't figure that out now," Penelope sighed, glaring half-heartedly at Koschei, "Let's just watch the film."

**The TARDIS materializes. Both Rose and the Doctor step out. The Doctor leans against the door and folds his arms. **

**ROSE: How long have I been gone?**

**THE DOCTOR: About 12 hours. **

"As if," the Master scoffed. "More like 12 millennia."

All the Timelords except the Doctors laughed at that.

"Well," Eleven looked astounded, "I've only done that once or twice,"

Now the humans were laughing too.

"I do not see what is funny," Tenny whispered.

"Neither do I. That's still in the awesome timeline." Koschei agreed.

"No!" Ushas yelled in his face.

"Excuse me?" Koschei asked.

"It's in the superb, amazing, fantastic, magical timeline!" Theta corrected.

**_They laugh. _**

**ROSE: Oooh! Right, I won't be long, I'm just gonna see my mum. **

"And give her a heart attack!" Jackie glared at Nine.

"Really?" Theta asked. "I've always wanted to see a human have a heart attack!"

Braxiatel hit him on the head. "She didn't mean that literally,"

"Oh," was all Theta could say.

Let us just say this: Clara thought Theta was immensely cute.

**THE DOCTOR: What're you going to tell her? **

**ROSE: I don't know! I've been to the year 5 billion... and only been gone, what, 12 hours?**

"It was so far from twelve hours!" Jackie shook her head.

"It wasn't my fault!" Rose put her hands up.

"I'm not mad at you, sweetheart," the older blond glared at Nine, as if to prove a point.

**_The Doctor gives something between a laugh and a snort._**

**ROSE: No, I'll just tell her I've spent the night at Shareen's. **

"You are a totally reliable source then," Jack winked at his "Rosie".

"Jack," Tenny warned.

"What?" the immortal man asked innocently. Almost too innocently.

"Eww!" Koschei stuck his tongue out at Jack.

Let's just say that the Master face-palmed.

Martha grinned, she liked Koschei much better than the Master!

**ROSE: See you later! ****_(walks off, turns back) _****Oh - don't you disappear.**

"As if I would," Nine scoffed.

"Really?" Rose raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, I wasn't gone for long." the leather-clad Timelord made his excuse.

The three youngest Timelords (Ushas, Theta and Koschei) proceeded to complete a standing applause.

"That was an amazing EXCUSE," Koschei grinned.

"Yeah," Theta smiled.

Danny was still trying to get used to the "multiple Doctors" thing. As that conversation was going...

"So, when he dies, he changes all of his features?" Danny asked.

"He also changes his personality," Clara explained.

"And his clothing choices," Mickey cut in.

Wilfred just wanted to listen to the Doctor's past.

**_The Doctor gives her a look to say 'as if I would' and she runs off in the direction of the flats. He settles himself against the TARDIS to wait for her. Rose runs up the stairs to her flat, grinning. The Doctor wanders around with his arms folded outside and kicks an empty bottle across the yard. He spots a poster taped to a lamppost. He walks over to it and reads the writing 'Can You Help?' and sees a photograph of Rose. _**

"Wow..." the Master turned to look at the Doctors.

"What?" Eleven asked.

"I know! These are some killer eyebrows!" Twelve raised the so-called "eyebrows".

"It wasn't my fault!" Nine glared at the Master.

"The TARDIS was acting up!" Tenny sighed.

"It's official." Ulysses decided.

"What is?" Donna questioned.

"The Doctor's going to get some lessons," the oldest Timelord explained.

All the humans laughed at the Doctor.

"What's the point of lessons?" Theta asked.

"They're long, boring, and a waist of time!" Koschei rolled over onto his side.

"Time that could be spent running around." Ushas rolled her eyes at the humans.

"I love the running part," Theta Sigma smirked.

Donna's and Martha's hearts broke. Theta was so much like Jenny. Blond Jenny, not other Jenny.

**_Rose opens the door to her flat. _**

**ROSE: I'm back! It was Shareen. She was all upset again. Are you in?**

**_Her mum walks out of the kitchen holding a cup of tea._**

"At least she's not holding her phone," Tenny stated.

**ROSE: So, what's been going on? How've you been? **

**_Jackie looks as though she has seen a ghost. _**

"What a reaction!" Jack laughed.

"It wasn't funny," Jackie glared at the male.

"Sweetie," River turned to Eleven. "You're going to get some lessons."

"It's inevitable," Braxiatel added.

"And Ulysses is going to teach you." Penelope looked at her son...er...sons...Oh, Rassilon this is getting so confusing!

"But he's a boring teacher!" Eleven protested.

Ulysses had an evil expression on his face.

**ROSE: What? What's that face for? It's not the first time I've stayed out all night. **

**_Jackie drops the cup of tea and it smashes on the floor. _**

**_Outside, the Doctor gets the gist of the poster and runs to the flats. _**

**JACKIE: It's you.**

**ROSE: Of course it's me! **

**JACKIE: ****_(shaken, teary) _****Oh, my God. It's you. Oh my God. **

"Which 'god' is this?" Ushas inquired.

She was ignored.

"I'm still here, you know!" the young Timelady pouted.

The three kids touched Clara's heart, reminding her that she wanted to have kids someday. **(AN: Remember? Astronaut lady asked her?)**

It was as if Twelve read her mind. "_Danny Pink!" _he coughed.

"Yes?" Danny threw an annoyed expression at Twelve.

"Shut up," Twelve rolled his eyes.

**_She throws her arms around Rose, who looks alarmed. Then, over her sobbing mother's shoulder, she notices several variations of the same 'Where is Rose?' poster. At that moment, the Doctor comes crashing in. _**

**THE DOCTOR: It's not 12 hours, it's er... 12 months. You've been gone a whole year. **

"Nice one..." Braxiatel face-palmed.

"That is such a long time in human years..." Penelope glared at each regeneration of her son.

**_He laughs apologetically while Rose and Jackie both look at him, stunned. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Sorry. **

**_Jackie looks back at Rose, stroking her hair. A small boy is spraying the words 'Bad Wolf' onto the side of the TARDIS. He then picks up his bike and rides off. _**

Nine, Tenny, Eleven and Twelve growled.

"No one graffities the TARDIS," Sarah-Jane explained.

"Well," the Master whipped around to the Doctors. "You were the one graffitying in the middle of the Time War."

"We were trying to prove a point!" Twelve glared back.

"This one's mean, Doctor!" Jack wiggled his eyebrows.

"Oh, Rassilon, you don't understand how remotely disgusting that is!" Martha covered her face.

"What 'Time War'?" Theta asked.

"You don't need to know what that is!" Amy spouted quickly.

"Why not?" Koschei asked. "I wanna know to."

"It's 'want to'," Ulysses sighed.

River smiled. "Spoilers,"

"I hate that word," Ushas frowned. "It doesn't let me know anything!"

Koschei, Theta and Ushas looked at each other secretly.

"Uh-oh," Braxiatel truely looked scared.

"Attack!" Koschei commanded.

Let us just say that humans, Timelords, Silurians and Sontarans alike were barraged by balloons filled with tar.

"Oh, that's it," Braxiatel stood up.

Yelping, Ushas, Koschei and Theta quickly fled the scene.

"You still look hot," Danny whispered to Clara, who gave him a quick smile.

"Do you think Theta, Ushas and Koshei will survive Brax?" Penelope asked, wiping some tar off of herself.

"It depends," Ulysses pondered.

"Braxiatel would kill his own brother and his friends?" Rory asked.

"No, never kill," River said.

"Maybe fatally wound or injure?" Penelope looked at Ulysses for confirmation.

"Yes,"

"I will get my grenades," Strax nodded.

"Wow," Amy raised an eyebrow.

Let's just say that Theta, Koschei and Ushas got their arms strapped to the floor. Everyone else had a quick shower.

**JACKIE: ****_(furious) _****The hours I've sat here. Days and weeks and months all on my own.**

"She's being dramatic," Jack whispered.

"Shut up," Twelve glared at him.

**JACKIE: I thought you were dead. And where were you? Travelling. What the #!*% does that mean? Travelling? That's no sort of answer. **

**_Rose is sitting in an armchair while Jackie is giving her all she's got. A policeman is sitting in the other armchair. _**

**JACKIE: ****_(to the PC)_**** You ask her. She won't tell me! That's all she says. Travelling. **

**ROSE: That's what I was doing. **

**JACKIE: ****_(gesturing furiously) _****When your passport's still in the drawer? It's just one lie after another!**

**ROSE: I meant to phone, I really did, I just... I forgot.**

**JACKIE: What, for a year? You forgot for a year? And I am left sitting here? I just don't believe you. Why won't you tell me where you've been? **

**THE DOCTOR: Actually, it's my fault. I sort of er, employed Rose as my companion.**

"Oh, that's not going to go over well. Trust me, been their, done that," Jack waved his hand.

Everyone looked at him weirdly.

**POLICEMAN: When you say 'companion', is this a sexual relationship? **

"No!" Twelve was thoroughly disgusted.

Let's just say that Jack was laughing.

"I am so ashamed in you!" Ulysses, Penelope and Braxiatel shamed the Doctors.

**THE DOCTOR/ROSE: No! **

"You guys are alike," Donna smirked. "Space boys,"

**JACKIE: ****_(advancing dangerously on the Doctor)_**** Then what is it? Because you, you waltz in here all charms and smiles, and the next thing I know, she vanishes off the face of the earth! How old are you then? 40? 45? What, you find her on the Internet? Did you go online and pretend you're a doctor? **

**THE DOCTOR: I AM a Doctor! **

"Fair point," Wilfred stated.

"He never proved it!" Jackie glared at the TV.

**JACKIE: Prove it! Stitch this, mate. **

**_She slaps him hard around the face. The Doctor groans loudly while Rose rolls her eyes. _**

"You care so much, Rosie," Jack put his hands over his heart.

"Shut up," Rose stuck her tongue out at him.

**_Jackie and Rose are hugging. _**

**JACKIE: Did you think about me at all? **

**_They are both crying. Rose stands back slightly. _**

**ROSE: I did! All the time! But... **

**JACKIE: One phone call. Just to know that you were alive! **

"Well, technically, she did," Martha explained.

"At the end of the world," Tenny went even further.

"Show off,"

**ROSE: I'm sorry. I really am.**

**JACKIE: Do you know what terrifies me, is that you still can't say. What happened to you, Rose? What could be so bad that you can't tell me, sweetheart? Where were you? **

**_Rose cannot answer her. Rose is sitting on a wall and the Doctor is leaning against it. _**

**ROSE: I can't tell her. I can't even ****_begin..._**** she's never gonna forgive me. And I missed a year? Was it good?**

**THE DOCTOR: Middling. **

**ROSE: You're so useless.**

**THE DOCTOR: Well, if it's this much trouble, are you gonna stay here now? **

"She should have," Jackie grumbled.

"But that would be so boring!" Koschei pulled at the straps.

"It's not going to work," Braxiatel smirked.

"Think of it, being at home, no adventures!" Ushas wailed.

"There would be no life!" Koschei cried.

"No running!" the young Timelady pouted.

"I love the running part," Theta pulled at the straps.

"Not going to work," Brax reminded in a sing song voice.

"You always will love the running part," Rory sighed.

"Really?"

"Yes!" Sarah Jane smiled.

"Good, because just think what would happen if I woke up one day not wanting to run! It would be like: 'Hmm, I don't want to go out and run like a mad man today!' Do you know how terrifying that would be? No running, no life, no anything!" Theta thrashed like crazy.

"You're ranting," Ushas told him.

"Oh, okay," Theta Sigma blushed.

**ROSE: I dunno. I can't do that to her again, though. **

**THE DOCTOR: Well, she's not coming with us. **

"Imagine if she did," Tenny laughed.

"Shopping would be even more usual," Nine's face was a cross between horrified and out right terrified.

**_Rose bursts out laughing and the Doctor joins in. _**

**ROSE: No chance. **

**THE DOCTOR: I don't do families.**

"Really?" Penelope raised an eyebrow at them.

"Really," Nine looked back at her.

"Really?" Clara pouted.

"I don't do families. Period." Twelve looked between Danny and Clara.

**ROSE: She slapped you! **

**THE DOCTOR: 900 years of time and space, and I've never been slapped by someone's mother.**

"You started a chain reaction, Jackie," Tenny rubbed his face.

"Good," Jackie stared at him.

**ROSE: Your face. **

**THE DOCTOR: It hurt! **

**ROSE: You're so gay! **

"Really? I don't want to be gay when a grow up!" Theta looked heart-broken.

"That's not what I meant!" Rose said quickly.

"Oh, okay," the blond Timelord smiled up at her.

"Don't mind him, he takes everything too literally." Koschei explained.

**_The Doctor rubs his cheek, offended. _**

**ROSE: When you say 900 years**

**THE DOCTOR: That's my age. **

**ROSE: You're nine hundred years old. **

"And on your Ninth regeneration," Braxiatel, Penelope, Ulysses, Ushas, and Koschei looked at different versions of the Doctor. "Shame on you,"

"Tenth," Clara coughed.

"Shut up," Twelve glared at her.

**THE DOCTOR: Yeah.**

**ROSE: My mum was right - that is one #!*% of an age gap. ****_(jumps off the wall) _****Every conversation with you just goes mental. There's no one else I can talk to. I've seen all that stuff up there, the size of it, and I can't say a word. Aliens and spaceships and things, and I'm the only person on planet earth who knows they exist. **

**_Right on cue, a spacecraft narrowly misses their heads as it falls from the sky and heads for for Central London. It smashes into Big Ben, then lands with a splash in the Thames. The Doctor and Rose stand up with their mouths open._**

"Not anymore," Jack grinned.

"I know," Rose gave them her famous tongue smile.

**ROSE: Oh, that's just not fair. **

**_The Doctor laughs gleefully, grabs her hand, and pulls her off in the direction of the action. It is complete mayhem on the streets. The Doctor and Rose arrive on the scene. _**

**THE DOCTOR: It's blocked off. **

**ROSE: We're miles from the centre. The scene must be grid locked. The whole of London must be closing down. **

**THE DOCTOR: I know, I can't BELIEVE I'm here to see this! This is fantastic! **

"I do not understand. How is that fantastic?" Penelope questioned.

"It just was." Eleven crossed his arms in a stubborn position.

"I'm not going to argue with you," the mother of the Oncoming Storm put her hands up. "It just doesn't make sense."

"It did make sense!" Tenny interrupted.

**ROSE: Did you know this was going to happen? **

**THE DOCTOR: Nope! **

"The Doctor doesn't know something!" Danny gasped.

"I know!" Jack joined Danny in gasping.

The Timelords were laughing; Theta failed most of his exams.

**ROSE: Do you recognize the ship? **

**THE DOCTOR: Nope! **

**ROSE: Do you know why it crashed? **

**THE DOCTOR: Nope! **

**ROSE: Oh, I'm so glad I've got you.**

"You always are glad you've got me," Tenny complained.

"Oh, Rosie, what have we got here?" Jack leaned forward.

"Nothing!" Rose surrendered.

"Well, Space Man, why don't you know anything?" Donna asked.

"I was a little preoccupied." Nine answered.

**THE DOCTOR: I bet you are! This is what I travel for, Rose! To see history happening right in front of us. **

**ROSE: Well, let's go and see it! Never mind the traffic, we've got the TARDIS! **

**THE DOCTOR: Better not. They've already got one spaceship in the middle of London, don't want to shove another one on top. **

"That would be bad," Theta nodded.

"Not as bad as Rassilon catching us trying to torch the fields!" Koschei laughed.

"He what?" Penelope, Ulysses and Braxiatel stood up.

"He said nothing!" Ushas made her excuse.

"Right..." River nodded.

"Who's Rassilon?" Amy inquired.

"The President of Gallifrey," River responded.

"Oh!" Danny looked at Twelve.

"Shut up!" Twelve glared back at Mr. Pink.

"Yes, sir!" Danny saluted.

"Don't call me that!"

"Yes, sir!"

**ROSE: Yeah, but yours looks like a big blue box. No one's going to notice. **

**THE DOCTOR: You'll be surprised, an emergency like this - there'll be all kinds of people watching. Trust me, the TARDIS stays where it is. **

**_Rose looks distinctly disgruntled. _**

**ROSE: So, history's happening and we're stuck here. **

**THE DOCTOR: Yes, we are. **

**ROSE: We could always do what everybody else does. **

**_The Doctor looks at her questioningly. _**

**ROSE: We could watch it on TV. **

Nine shuddered at the thought of being domestic.

**_The Doctor looks as though this is a completely new idea to him. _**

"You've never watched anything on the TV." Danny raised an eyebrow.

"Until then I haven't," Nine grumbled.

"Right..." Clara just nodded.

**NEWS READER: Big Ben destroyed as a UFO crash lands in Central London. Police reinforcements are drafted in from across the country to control wide-spread panic, looting and civil disturbance. A state of national emergency has been declared. Tom Hitchinson is at the scene. **

**_The Doctor and Rose are watching the TV intently. Jackie comes in to give Rose a cup of tea. _**

**JACKIE: I've got no choice! Either I make him welcome, or I run the risk of never seeing you again! **

"And that helped so much. You just went off with him again anyway," Jackie rolled her eyes.

"Well, I did try to send her back," Tenny glared at Rose's mom.

**_Both Jackie and her friend Marianna babble on angrily. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Oi! I'm trying to listen! **

"Have you always been rude?" Danny asked innocently.

"No," stated the Doctors at the same times the companions and other Timelords said "Yes,"

Let's just say the Doctors got rather annoyed.

"You know it's true," the Master shrugged.

**NEWS READER:** **his current whereabouts. News is just coming in, we can go to Tom at the embankments. **

**REPORTER: They've found a body. **

**_The Doctor raises his eyebrows._**

"What species is it?" Theta questioned.

"We know as much as you do." Ulysses answered.

"Really, because you usually are smarter than me," the young blond stated.

"Well, Theta, usually your blond hair goes to your head," Koschei joked.

"Shut up,"

The companions thought this was hilarious.

"I will get my grenades," Strax decided.

**REPORTER: It's unconfirmed but I'm being told a body has been found in the wreckage. A body of non-terrestrial origins. It's being brought ashore. **

**_Jackie enters the room giving a bottle of wine to a couple of people._**

**JACKIE: Oh, guess who asked me out - Billy Crewe. **

**_The Doctor shakes his head. The channel keeps being changed. The Doctor tries to wrestle the TV remote off a toddler on his lap. The Doctor changes the channel back to News 24. The little boy hops off the Doctors lap and stands in front of the TV screen. The Doctor points violently sideways. _**

"Doctor!" Clara chastised. "Don't be so rude! You were that small once and I know it,"

"Great," Eleven groaned. What else could she know?

**THE DOCTOR: Go on! **

**_The toddler wanders off._**

**REPORTER: I'm being told that... General Asquith is now entering the hospital. The building's evacuated. The patients have been moved out onto the streets. The police still won't confirm the presence of an alien body. Contained inside those walls**

**_A group of soldiers enter the mortuary inside the hospital. General Asquith approaches the table where the alien lies covered with a cloth._**

**ASQUITH: Let's have a look then. **

**_Dr Sato pulls back the cloth._**

**ASQUITH: Good God. That's real? It's not a hoax or a dummy, or a...? **

"What does it look like?" Theta asked.

"Blond," Ushas coughed.

"I take offense to that."

"We know you do," Koschei grinned.

"See what I've had to live with?" Braxiatel gestured to them.

"Yes," Amy groaned. "And they seem to be a nightmare,"

"They are more than just a nightmare," Penelope assured.

**_Dr Sato shakes her head. _**

**DR SATO: I've x-rayed the skull. It's wired up inside like nothing I've ever seen before. No one could make this up. **

"Really," Tenny raised an eyebrow. "Because it seemed fairly made up to me..." his mouth got cover by the Master's hand.

"You are still blond on the inside," the Master said.

"Shut up," Tenny unclamped his mouth.

**ASQUITH: We've got experts being flown in. Until they arrive... get that out of sight. **

**_She nods and covers the alien again. Two people shut the door of a mortuary shelf. Dr Sato runs after Asquith as he makes to leave. _**

**DR SATO: Excuse me, sir! **

**_The captain stops and turns to face her. _**

**DR SATO: I know it's a state of emergency and there's a lot of rumour flying around, but is it true, what they're saying? About the Prime Minister?**

"Hmm," Luke stated. "I remember him."

"Yeah, it's to bad that the next to prime ministers were insane," Sarah Jane hinted.

The Master glared at them.

**_The captain does not answer her. He leaves without another word, followed by soldiers. She stares after them then hurries in the opposite direction._**

**REPORTER: Mystery still surrounds their whereabouts of the prime minister. He's not been seen since the emergency began. The opposition are criticizing his lack of leadership. Hold on-**

**_A man gets out of a car and enters 10 Downing Street. _**

**REPORTER: Oh - that's Joseph Green, MP for Hartley Dale. He's chairman of the parliamentary commission on the monitoring of sugar standards in exported confectionary. With respect, hardly the most important person right now. **

**_When Joseph Green enters 10 Downing Street, his hand is shaken by the Junior Secretary._**

**INDRA: Indra Ganesh. Junior secretary. I'll be your liaison. **

**JOSEPH: Where the #!*% is he? **

**INDRA: If we could talk in private, sir. Follow me, upstairs. **

**_A woman approaches them from behind. _**

**HARRIET: Excuse me! Harriet Jones. MP for Flydale North. **

"Has she always said her title in the same fashion?" Martha banged her head on a nearby table.

"Yes," Tenny agreed.

**INDRA: I'm sorry, can it wait? **

**HARRIET: But I did have an appointment at 3:15. **

**INDRA: Yes. And a spaceship crashed in the middle of London. I think the schedule might have changed. **

"You think? I would have never guessed..." Jack trailed off.

SMACK THE JACK

**_The two men turn away from her and make their way up the stairs. Harriet looked confused._**

**INDRA: You've heard about the alien body, sir? **

**JOSEPH: Never mind that, where is he? Where's the Prime Minister? **

"Well, that's the question, isn't it," Theta smirked.

"A question that hasn't been solved yet," River stated.

"Well, why hasn't it been solved?"

"Because the program is still going on." Rose explained.

"Well, then why can't the program get going?" the blond whined.

The Master and River looked at the Doctor pointedly.

**INDRA: No one knows, sir. He's disappeared. I have to inform you with the city grid locked and the cabinet stranded that makes you acting Prime Minister. With immediate effect. **

**JOSEPH: Oh, Lord. Oh, hold on- ****_(farts loudly) _**

"Ew..." Koschei made a face.

"Ew..." Theta made a face.

"Ew..." Ushas made a face.

And the happy chorus continued.

**JOSEPH: Pardon me... nervous stomach. Anyway… **

"Yeah," Rose said, "Nervous stomach, we totally believe you."

**_They run up the stairs. Indra indicates a fat blonde woman._**

**INDRA: Margaret Blaine. She's with MI5.**

**MARGARET: There's no more information, sir. I personally escorted the Prime Minister from the cabinet room to his car - this is Oliver Charles, transport liaison. **

**OLIVER: The car's disappeared. There's no record of it, sir - it literally vanished. **

**JOSEPH: Right, er - inside, tell me everything. **

"I have a bad feeling about this," Jack exaggerated his sing-song tone to like Shakespearian thing ending up on the ground with sun bathing his face.

"Dude," Mickey said, "You're weird."

**_He ushers them into the cabinet room. _**

**INDRA: Er, sir? **

**_Joseph turns around and Indra holds a red case out to him._**

**INDRA: The emergency protocols. Detailing the actions to be taken by the government of Great Britain in the event of an alien incursion. **

"Incursion," Rory exclaimed, "I like that word, incursion."

**JOSEPH: Right! Good! ****_(farts) _****Blimey!**

The trio of trouble face palmed.

**_Indra looks slightly worried. _**

As did anyone else who didn't know that these people were Slitheen.

**JOSEPH: Pardon me. ****_(takes the case) _****Get to work, eh? **

**_He enters the room after Margaret and Oliver and slams the case down on the long table. He then looks across at them and starts laughing. A few seconds later they join in. Soon, they are all in hysterics._**

"That doesn't seem like good government policy," Rory groaned thinking of all of their insane prime ministers.

"Sounds perfect to me!" the Master bit back at him.

"Anything like that would sound good to you!" Pretty much everyone left in the room yelled.

**_It is dark. The Doctor slips outside the back door of Rose's flat. Rose emerges after him. _**

"Slipping off at night?" Jack teased, "Tsk, tsk, bad Doctor,"

**ROSE: And where do you think you're going? **

**THE DOCTOR: Nowhere! It's just a bit human in there for me. History just happened and they're talking about where you can buy dodgy top up cards for half price. I'm off on a wander, that's all. **

"Well," Amy sighed, "You do love wandering off, is it because Rory and I are married and you think it's too domestic?"

Silence...

"Well..." Eleven thought about it.

"Yep!"

**ROSE: Right - there's a spaceship on the Thames and you're just 'wandering'. **

**THE DOCTOR: Nothing to do with me! It's not an invasion! That was a genuine crash landing. Angle of descent, colour of smoke, everything! It's perfect! **

"That doesn't sound good..." Wilfred returns to the group.

**ROSE: So…**

**THE DOCTOR: So maybe this is it! First contact! The day mankind officially comes into contact with an alien race. I'm not interfering because you've GOT to handle this on your own. That's when the human race finally grows up. Just this morning you were all tiny and small and made of clay! Now you can expand! **

**_He laughs in delight. Rose smiles._**

"You've just been insulted!" Koschei said like he was speaking to the child, not vice-versa, "And you're laughing?"

"Well, the Doctor was happy, so I was happy," Rose smiled down at him.

Sexy, apparently tired with this conversation, started up the TV again.

**THE DOCTOR: You don't need me - go and celebrate history. Spend some time with your mum**

**_He walks away._**

**ROSE: Promise you won't disappear?**

**_The Doctor stops, rolls his eyes and turns around again. _**

**_He feels his jacket pockets._**

**THE DOCTOR: Tell you what - TARDIS key. ****_(hands it to her) _****About time you had one. ****_(grins) _****See you later! **

"Why didn't we get a TARDIS key?" Amy and Rory asked.

"I...don't know," Eleven answered honestly.

**_He leaves. Rose looks down at the key in her hand, closes her fist around it and walks back to the flat door, looking distinctly chuffed. The Doctor leaves the block of flats. There is a raucous party on the third floor with a banner hanging over the balcony saying "THE ALIENS HAVE LANDED". A banner hanging from another window says "WELCOME TO OUR WORLD". A woman spots the Doctor and calls down to him. _**

**WOMAN: Hey, gorgeous! Come back and join the party! **

"Someone's flirting with you, Doc," Jack wiggled his eyebrows.

"DON'T CALL ME DOC," this was Nine, Tenny, Eleven and Twelve.

**_Mickey emerges onto another balcony higher up. He picks up a trainer, smells it, and makes a face of disgust. _**

**_He watches the Doctor look at a sign in a shop window saying "ELLO ET" and then does a double take as the Doctor walks up to the TARDIS taking a bunch of keys out of his pocket. _**

**MICKEY: Oh my God! **

**_He runs back inside taking the smelly trainers with him. The Doctor enters the TARDIS, grinning. He runs to the console, smacks down a few buttons and turns a handle and beams up at it when it starts to move. Outside, the TARDIS begins to disappear just as Mickey runs out of the flats. _**

**MICKEY: Oi, Doctor! Doctooooooooooooooor! **

"I never knew you cared so much," Tenny wiped some fake tears out of his eyes.

"I liked his past incarnations more," Danny whispered to Clara.

Let's just say he got a major glare from Twelve.

**_He sprints up to the TARDIS and throws himself at it, but just ends up hitting the heavily graffitied corrugated iron behind it and falls backwards from the impact. _**

All of the companions winced.

"We must blow that wall up with grenades," Strax nodded.

"I don't get it," Theta looked confused.

"You don't get a lot of things, get over it," Braxiatel answered, not wanting to be here.

"Why does it looks like it hurt?" the blond asked.

"Because he just ran into a wall made out of some really hard stuff," River explained.

"What was it made out of?"

"Iron," Clara answered.

"Then, why does it look like it hurt so much? I do that all the time, and it never hurts at all," Theta pulled at the straps.

"That's not going to work," Braxiatel sighed, obviously bored.

"Someone's grumpy," Penelope glared at her eldest son.

"Why would you have ran into an iron wall?" Ulysses raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Ushas, Koschei and I were once trying to..." Theta was shut up by Koschei.

"Trying to help the greater good!" Koschei finished.

"Yup! That's what we were doing!" Ushas was desperate at that point.

"That's not what we were doing..." Theta looked down.

Let's just say Penelope, River and Ulysses raised their eyebrows.

Let's just say that all the females and even some of the males thought that the young Timelords were immensely cute.

**_He gets up again and brushes himself down, casting furtive looks around him to make sure no one saw him. He then walks off with as much dignity as he can muster. The console starts to smoke._**

**_Looking slightly put-out, the Doctor hits it a couple of times with a hammer. Amazingly, this helps, and the Doctor kisses the hammer and gazes up at the console with a childish beam on his face._**

"Looks like you've never changed," the Master noticed.

"Really? That's good. I don't want to change," Theta smiled.

**_10 Downing Street is heavily guarded on the outside. Harriet Jones places a cup of coffee on Indra's desk. He looks up at her. _**

**HARRIET: I bet no one's bought you a coffee.**

_Suspicious... _everyone thought but they didn't want to interupt.

**_She laughs slightly._**

**INDRA: Thank you. **

**HARRIET: Pleasure. **

**_He picks the cup up. She doesn't leave, but looks down at him expectantly._**

**INDRA: You still can't go in. **

**HARRIET** **: #!*% , you've seen through my cunning plan. **

"THERE IT WAS!" Jack yelled.

**INDRA: Look, I'm sorry. It's just impossible.**

**_He gets up._**

**HARRIET: Not even for two minutes?**

**_He shakes his head. _**

"At least she's persistent!" Donna clapped.

"Yeah, I bet you'd say that," Wilfred sighed.

"Hey," Rose interrupted, "If you're not persistent and stubborn sometimes you'll never get to where you want to go."

**HARRIET: I don't get many chance to walk these corridors. I'm hardly one of the babes - just a faithful back bencher. And I know we've had a brave new world land right on our doorstep, and that's wonderful. I think that's probably wonderful. Nevertheless, ordinary life keeps ticking away. ****_(rifles through her handbag and pulls out a folder) _****I need to enter this paper.**

**_Joseph Green, Margaret Blaine and Oliver Charles emerge from the cabinet room. _**

**HARRIET: Oh! Mr. Green, sir, I know you're busy, but could you put this on the next cabinet agenda?**

**JOSEPH: What is it?**

**HARRIET: Cottage hospitals—**

Everyone sighed, she really did care, didn't she?

**_Joseph looks at Indra in alarm who gives an apologetic and resigned wave of his hand. _**

**HARRIET: I've worked out a system whereby cottage hospitals do not have to be excluded from centres of excellence. You see, my mother's in the Flydale infirmary. That's my constituency - tiny lisle place, you wouldn't know it - but to give me a chance to—**

**JOSEPH: By all the saints, get some perspective, woman! I'm busy. **

"Are all aliens that rude?" Penelope and Rose asked at the same time.

Then they smiled at each other.

"WE TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!" the Time Lords, Time Tots, Silurian and Sontaran yelled.

"Jeez, sorry,"

**_All of them, including Indra, file out of the room, each giving her a funny look as they pass. Harriet is left alone holding her papers. She looks to make sure they are really gone, then slips into the cabinet room. _**

"Oh," Theta, Ushas and Koschei all pointed at the screen, "She's breaking the rules," they said this in a tattle-tale tone.

"That's enough now," Martha said. Feeling the same as everyone else, anxious to know what happens...and maybe a little motherly...

**_Harriet places her papers on the table, on top of the emergency protocols. She then seems to change her mind and picks them up again. She opens the case and puts it inside instead. _**

**_Satisfied, she is just about to close it again when she spots the folder with "Emergency Protocols - Classified Information" written on the front. She sits on the chair in front of the case and opens the folder. She begins to read the first page with a look of awe on her face._**

"Oh my god," Jack leaned back, "What a devil,"

**_Dr Sato settles herself in front of her desk, picks a pen up and begins to write. She hears a thumping noise in the distance. She pauses for a moment but then decides to ignore it. Then she hears it again. She turns around. The thumping repeats itself over and over again. It seems to be coming from the place where the alien was put. _**

"I hope she doesn't get hurt," was the main statement repeated around the room.

**_She stares at it warily. The Doctor emerges from the TARDIS, which seems to have landed squashed up in a small storeroom. He looks around in slight confusion and then makes his way to the door. He turns on his sonic screwdriver, which makes a loud buzzing noise. He turns it off again hurriedly._**

**THE DOCTOR: Shh!**

"Are you talking to an inanimate object?" Madame Vastra asked.

"No, maybe, yes," Eleven blurted out.

"Really..." the Master raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you were talking to atoms..." Koschei rolled his eyes.

**_Dr Sato edges towards the door of the alien's cupboard. The thumping has become even more frantic, as though something is running around inside, banging against the walls. The Doctor finishes unlocking the door, puts his sonic screwdriver away and opens it. The Doctor finds himself in a room where about 20 soldiers are sitting around talking and laughing. _**

"Nice one, Doc," Jack rolled his eyes.

At the same time, Donna said, "Nice one, Sunshine,"

Let's just say that Jack wiggled his eyebrows while Donna looked awed.

"Jack," Tenny warned.

**_They fall silent when he opens the door. There is a pause while they all stare at each other, then they all leap to their feet and point their guns at him. The Doctor grins. Again. _**

**_Dr Sato approaches the door. She pulls it open and screams. Upon hearing the scream, the Doctor stops smiling and runs to the door._**

**THE DOCTOR: Defence part delta! Come on, move, move!**

"How do you know that?" all of the companions said in unison. Except for Rory, who realized he was late and he came out in a squeaky, "How do you know that?"

**_All the soldiers follow him from the room in the direction of the scream. They run down the corridors. The Doctor spots Dr Sato cowering on the floor._**

**DR SATO: It's alive!**

"Well, then I bet that's why she's on the floor," Wilfred said.

**_The Doctor turns to the men behind him._**

**THE DOCTOR: Spread out. Tell the perimeter it's a lock down. **

**_He runs to Dr Sato's side and holds her hands. _**

**DR SATO: My God - it's still alive.**

"Yep," Koschei said, "Still," he put emphasis on the last word.

**_The men are still standing there watching them._**

**THE DOCTOR: Do it!**

**_They run off and start searching the building. The Doctor turns back to Dr Sato. Blood is leaking out from under her hairline. _**

"OH MY GOD!" everyone except for the Doctors yelled.

**DR SATO: I swear it was dead.**

**THE DOCTOR: Coma - shock - hibernation - anything. What does it look like?**

**_There is a slight sound from behind him. He turns around quickly._**

**THE DOCTOR: It's still here.**

"Uh oh," Amy groaned. He always got in trouble, didn't he?

**_He stands up and beckons another soldier into the room. He walks forward quietly, looking for the source of the sound. When he hears another rattling, he drops to his knees and crawls to peer behind the desk. From the other side of the desk, the face of a pig peers back at him, snorting. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Hello!**

"HELLO!" the immature Doctors echoed.

"SHUT UP!" the mature Doctors answered.

"Well, ain't that dandy?" Jenny said.

"We shall boil them in acid."

**_The pig squeals in terror and runs across the room. The soldier readies his gun. _**

**THE DOCTOR: Don't shoot!**

**_The pig runs along the corridor. One of the soldiers points his gun at it and shoots before the Doctor can stop him._**

Everyone felt somewhat heartbroken.

"Why'd they do that," Ushas, Koschei, and Theta all had tears in there eyes.

"There, there," everyone said. But they all thought, _If they react like that to this, how'll they react later?_

**THE DOCTOR: What did you do that for? It was scared!**

**_The soldier looks from him to the pig in alarm. The Doctor crouches down to look at the pig._**

**THE DOCTOR: It was scared.**

"I see something never changes," Jack raised his eyebrows to make a point at the Doctors.

"Well," Jackie broke in, "In my mind he never wanted to change, did he?"

**_He strokes the pig as it dies. _**

The three Time Tots wipe away their tears in a vain attempt.

**_Harriet Jones hears voices approaching the cabinet room. Joseph and Asquith are talking about the President and U.K while walking towards the room. They enter the room. Harriet disappears into a cupboard just in time. _**

**ASQUITH: Furthermore, we can only assume that the Prime Minister's disappearance is the direct result of hostile alien action. And what have you been doing? Nothing.**

**JOSEPH** **: Sorry! Sorry. Uh... I thought I was Prime Minister now. **

The Master crosses his arms and glared at 'Joseph', on the screen.

"We all know you cheated to get that spot," Jack and Martha said offhandedly.

**ASQUITH** **: Only by default. **

The Master waves his hands at the screen like trying to make a point.

"You're going to take someone's eye out," Sarah Jane glared at him.

**JOSEPH** **: Ooooh, that's not fair! I've been having such fun.**

**_The Captain looks outraged._**

**ASQUITH** **: You think this is FUN****_? _**

"It was," the Master answered simply.

Ordering a few smacks over the head, time lord style.

**JOSEPH** **: It's a hoot, this job.**

**_Joseph, Margaret and Oliver all start to laugh._**

**MARGARET: Honestly! It's super!**

**_Oliver farts._**

**OLIVER: Oh! S'cuse me! ****_(farts again) _****Ooo! **

"Ew..."

**_They burst out laughing again._**

"How do people find that funny, it's disgusting," Luke said.

**ASQUITH:** **What's going on here? And where's the rest of the cabinet? Why haven't they been air lifted in?**

**JOSEPH** **: Cancelled it. They'd only get in the way. ****_(farts) _****Oh, there I go. **

**_He farts twice more, heartily. Margaret joins in._**

**MARGARET: Oh, and me! I'm shaking my booty. **

**_More hysterical laughter punctuated by farts._**

"That's disgusting, what a bad prime minister," Rose scrunched her nose.

**ASQUITH** **: Sir! Under section 5 of the emergency protocols, it is my duty to relieve you of command. **

**_Joseph stops laughing and looks up at the captain darkly._**

**ASQUITH** **: And by God, I'll put this country under martial law if I have to. **

**JOSEPH** **: ****_(sarcastically) _****Oh, I'm SCARED****_. _****I mean, that's hair raising****_. _****I mean, literally****_. _****Look!**

**_He unzips his forehead. A bright blue light shines from the gap. Bewildered, the captain looks at the other two, who also unzip their foreheads. _**

"That's weird," everyone who hadn't met the Slitheen said.

**_Where she is watching from a crack through the door, Harriet's eyes widen in shock. There are some disgusting and worrying noises from the cabinet room and Harriet leans back against the wall of the cupboard, horrified. _**

**_Dr Sato and the Doctor are standing over the pig's body._**

**DR SATO: I just assumed that's what alien's look like. But you're saying it's an ordinary pig? From Earth?**

"Now, why would we do that?" Amy questioned.

"I don't know!" Rory looked distressed.

The Doctors all smirked.

**THE DOCTOR: More like a mermaid. Victorian showmen used to draw the crowds by taking the skull of a cat and gluing it to a fish and calling it a mermaid. Now, someone's taken a pig, opened up its brain, stuck bits on... then they strapped it in that ship and made it dive bomb. It must've been terrified. They've taken this animal and turned it into a joke.**

"That's horrible," Ulysses said.

**DR SATO: So it's a fake. A pretend. Like the mermaid. But the technology augmenting its brain... it's like nothing on Earth. It's alien. Aliens are faking aliens. But why would they do that...? ****_(turns to face the Doctor, only to find he has vanished) _****Doctor? ****_(hurries from room after him)_**

**_Dr Sato looks up and down a long corridor_**

**DR SATO: Doctor?**

"This is where something bad happens," Jack leaned forward.

**_She turns as she hears the sound of the TARDIS engines. Obviously, she does not know what this sound is._**

"Oh," he leaned back again.

**_Rose's sitting room is extremely crowded. Jackie raises her wine glass in a toast._**

**JACKIE: Here's to the Martians! **

**EVERYONE: The Martians! **

"There not Martians," Tenny looks overly-stressed for his own health.

**_Mickey appears in the doorway. The laughter dies away as he stares at Rose in her armchair. She looks around to see why everyone has gone quiet and sits up quickly when she sees him standing there._**

**ROSE** **: I was gonna come and see you.**

"Yeah, right," Mickey grins at her teasingly.

"I was!" Rose defends.

"Sure..." everyone echoed.

Rose was blushed straight to her core.

**_He just stares at her._**

**WOMAN: Someone owes Mickey an apology. **

**ROSE** **: I'm sorry. **

"Say thanks to her, Mickey Mouse!" Jack grinned.

**WOMAN: Not you. ****_(looks at Jackie)_**

**JACKIE: It's not my fault. Be fair. What was I supposed to think? ****_(gives Mickey a look and walks into the kitchen)_**

"Now say thanks to the other own, Mickey Mouse," Jack corrected his mistake, for the second time.

Everyone laughs.

**MICKEY** **: You disappear - who do they turn to? Your boyfriend. Five times, I was taken in for questioning. Five times. No evidence, of course there couldn't be, could there. And then I get her - your mother. ****_(points at Jackie who rolls her eyes) _****Whispering around the estate - pointing the finger - stuff through my letterbox - and all 'cos of you. **

"That must stink," Martha rubbed her head.

"How does it smell now?" Ushas, Koschei, and Theta all asked.

"Expression." everyone face palmed.

**ROSE** **: I didn't think I'd be gone so long. **

**MICKEY** **: And I waiting for you, Rose! Twelve months. Waiting for you and the Doctor to come back. **

Rory felt for this guy, he'd been through the same thing.

"Tin dog!" everyone who knew that joke 'coughed' that.

**JACKIE: Hold on, you knew about the Doctor? Why didn't you tell me? **

**_Mickey notices someone trying to listen through the window into the kitchen. He slams them shut and closes the door._**

"Devil," everyone growled.

**MICKEY** **: Yeah, yeah. Why not, Rose? Huh? How could I tell her where you went? **

**JACKIE: Tell me now. **

**MICKEY** **: I might as well, 'cos you're stuck here. The Doctor's gone. Just now, that box thing just faded away.**

**ROSE** **: What do you mean?**

**MICKEY** **: He's left you. Some boyfriend HE turned out to be.**

"Someone sounds jealous!" all heads swung towards Mickey, who was hiding his face from the other's stare.

**_Rose runs from the kitchen, grabbing a jacket from the back of the door on her way out. Mickey follows her. Jackie stays sitting down, looking frustrated. Rose and Mickey are standing at the spot where the TARDIS was parked._**

**ROSE** **: He wouldn't just go, he promised me. **

"Have you ever broken a promise?" Wilfred points at the Doctors.

"Yes," Tenny mourned. He promised all of his companions they'll make it out.

**MICKEY** **: Oh, he's dumped you, Rose. Sailed off into space. How does it feel, huh? Now you are left behind with the rest of us Earthlings. Get used to it.**

**ROSE** **: But he would have said. **

**_Jackie walks over to them._**

**JACKIE: What're you two chimps going on about? **

Twelve and Nine snort, _Chimps..._

**What's going on? What's this Doctor done now? **

**_Mickey chortles._**

**MICKEY** **: He's vamoosed! **

"That's not a good thing, you dolt." Rose smacked him.

Along with others.

**ROSE** **: ****_(angrily) _****He's not! 'Cos he gave me this!**

**_She shows him the TARDIS key. Mickey gives a 'so what?' sort of shrug._**

"I didn't get it either," Martha shrugged.

"It's confusing," Jack whined.

SMACK THE JACK

**ROSE: He's not my boyfriend, Mickey, he's better than that. He's much more important than that.**

**_She breaks off as the TARDIS key starts to glow in time with the sound of the TARDIS engines._**

**ROSE: I said so. **

"Oh snap, Mickey!" Amy pointed her finger at him. The sort of thing a child would do in school if someone got burned.

**_The engines get louder. Rose turns to her mother. _**

**ROSE: ****_(urgently) _****Mum! Mum, go inside. Mum, don't stand there, just go inside. Just- mum, go-**

**_But Jackie is not listening to her. She is staring transfixed over Rose's shoulder, where the TARDIS is appearing out of thin air. The engines grind to a halt. Mickey points to the TARDIS meaningfully._**

**MICKEY** **: Uh?**

**_Jackie stares at it in amazement._**

**JACKIE: How'd you do that, then?**

"Magic," all of the Time Lords joked.

"Really?" the Time Tots asked.

COMPANION FACE PALM and the Time Lords.

**_Rose looks at her warily. Rose enters the TARDIS where the Doctor is looking at the computer screen._**

**THE DOCTOR: Alright, so I lied.**

**THE DOCTOR: I went and had a look, but the whole crash landing's a fake - I thought so, it's just too perfect. I mean, 'hitting Big Ben' come on, so I thought let's go and have a look-**

**ROSE: My mum's here. **

"Oh!" the more immature companions did that burned thing now, too.

**_The door creaks open and Jackie and Mickey enter. The Doctor looks around._**

**THE DOCTOR: Oh, that's JUST what I need. Don't you dare make this place domestic!**

Everyone snorted at the threat.

**MICKEY: You ruined my life, Doctor.**

**_The Doctor spins smoothly around to face him._**

**MICKEY: They thought she was dead. I was a murder suspect because of you. **

"I feel for you, man," Jack thought for a moment, "Well, know I don't, never been in that situation,"

"Thanks," Mickey put his hand on his heart, "It helps, in here,"

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(to Rose) _****See what I mean? Domestic.**

**_The Doctor spins back to face the computer screen. Mickey takes a few steps towards him._**

**MICKEY: I bet you don't even remember my name!**

"It's Ricky," all of the Doctors said.

**THE DOCTOR: Ricky.**

Rose just smiled, he does it on purpose and she knows.

**MICKEY: It's Mickey. **

**THE DOCTOR: No, it's Ricky.**

"Bad habit," Sarah Jane and Madame Vastra drilled the Doctors with, 'the look'.

**MICKEY: I think I know my own name.**

**THE DOCTOR: You THINK you know your own name? How stupid are you? **

"Oh! I get it!" everyone yelled, "You have to say, 'I _know_ my own name."

**_Jackie, who has been looking around the TARDIS with a bewildered expression, turns and runs outside again._**

**ROSE: Mum, don't! ****_(to the Doctor) _****Don't go anywhere! ****_(to Mickey) _****Don't start a fight! **

"Someone's feeling a bit bossy today," Danny leaned back.

Clara just laughed, "You know, he's gotten you there," she directed that Rose.

**_Jackie runs outside and back to the flats. Rose pursues her out of the doors._**

**ROSE: Mum, it's not like that! He's not- I'll be up in a minute, hold on!**

**_She runs back inside the TARDIS and back to the Doctor's side, where he is looking at his monitor again._**

**ROSE: That was a REAL spaceship? **

"Why wouldn't it be real, it has every quality of one," Twelve shrugged.

**THE DOCTOR: Yep!**

**ROSE: So, it's all a pack of lies? What is it then, are they invading?**

**_Mickey is on tip-toes peering at the screen over their shoulders._**

**MICKEY: Funny way to invade, putting the world on red alert. **

"Good point," Mr. Pink said to him.

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(mildly impressed) _****Good point! So, what're they up to?**

**_On the TV, a news channel - footage of the spaceship crash landed in the Thames._**

**REPORTER: As the crisis continues and the government shows remarkable lack of leadership, paranoia sweeps the country.**

"Even he," Martha gestures to the Master, "Sounds better than lack of leadership right now."

"See?" the Master sounds triumphant.

"On a second thought..." Martha sees the Master's expression deflate, "Never mind."

**_Jackie is sitting on the end of her bed, looking frustrated and restless. She sighs and kneads her forehead. _**

**REPORTER: There have been at least three reports of public assaults on people publicly identified as aliens.**

**_Jackie's look of anxiety increases._**

**REPORTER: And now back to Tom Kitchnenson. **

**_Jackie falls back onto the bed, her hands over her face._**

**TOM KITCHENSON: Are there more ships to come? **

**_Jackie turns her attention to the television._**

"You look stressed," Braxiatel looked concerned.

"Why couldn't you be more like him," Jackie gestures. Talking to the Doctors.

**TOM KITCHENSON: What is their intention? The authorities are now asking if ANYONE knows ANYTHING****_. _****If any previous sighting has been made, then call this number. **

**_Jackie reaches for the telephone._**

**TOM KITCHENSON: We need your help. **

**_Jackie dials the number on the screen. The first two times it is engaged. The third time, she manages to get through._**

"I hate it when it does that," Clara complained.

**JACKIE: Yes! I've seen one. I really have - an alien. And she's with him! My daughter, she's with him. And she's not safe. Oh, my God... she's not safe. **

"Thanks," all of the Doctors gave 'the look' (for the first time, mind you) at her.

**_Jackie exhales and sits back down on the foot of the bed._**

**JACKIE: I've seen an alien. And I know his name, he's called 'The Doctor'.**

**_The words 'The Doctor' are typed into a computer._**

"I bet there's been more alien doctors stopping by," Sarah Jane said.

"There has," Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. Just thinking of all of that paperwork.

**JACKIE: It's a box. A blue box. **

**_'Blue Box' is typed in._**

**JACKIE: She called it a 'TARDIS'. **

**_'TARDIS' is typed in. An alarm goes off. _**

"Sounds like they know what that is," Danny gave a short laugh.

**_Indra enters at a run - the computer screen is flashing the words 'RED ALERT - THE DOCTOR'. Inside the TARDIS, Mickey peers curiously down at the Doctor, where he is once again wedged under the console._**

**MICKEY: So, what're you doing down there? **

"Hey, wait, why don't you just go under it?" Amy questioned.

Rory whispered something in her ear.

"Oh,"

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(muffled, due to the sonic screwdriver he's holding between his teeth) _****Ricky.**

**MICKEY: Mickey.**

**THE DOCTOR: ****_(takes the sonic screwdriver out of his mouth to make himself clearer)_**** Ricky.**

"You're doing that just to tick him off," River smiled. Then smacked, Nine, Tenny, Eleven, and Twelve's heads. Purposely skipping over Theta.

**_Mickey rolls his eyes, irked._**

**THE DOCTOR: If I was to tell you what I was doing to the controls of my frankly magnificent time ship, would you even begin to understand? **

**MICKEY: I suppose not...**

**THE DOCTOR: Shut it, then.**

"Rude as usual." Madame Vastra smiled, thinking of the first time the Twelfth Doctor came to visit.

**_He puts the sonic screwdriver back between his teeth. Mickey gives him the evil eye, and moves back round the console to where Rose is standing._**

**MICKEY: Some friend you've got. **

**ROSE: He's winding you up. **

**_Mickey still looks slightly upset. He does not answer._**

"So you know it's true?" everyone sounded somewhat amused. Minus Mickey, of course.

**ROSE: I am sorry. **

**MICKEY: It's okay. **

**ROSE: ****_(earnestly) _****I am, though!**

**MICKEY: Every day, I looked. On every street corner, wherever I went, looking for a blue box for a whole year. **

**ROSE: It's only been a few days for me. I don't know, it's... it's hard to tell inside this thing but I swear it's just a few days since I left you. **

"That probably didn't make him feel any better," Rory shrugged.

**MICKEY: Not enough time to miss me, then?**

**ROSE: ****_(smiles)_**** I did miss you. **

**MICKEY: I missed you.**

"Aw, and now they get together!" Clara clapped.

The Doctors said something that suspiciously sounded like the word 'Domestic'...

**ROSE: So, erm... in twelve months, have you been seeing anyone else? **

**MICKEY: No. **

**ROSE: Kay...**

**MICKEY: Mainly because everyone thinks I murdered you. **

**ROSE: Right. **

"Spoiled the moment, didn't it," Danny smiled down at everyone.

**MICKEY: So... now that you've come back... are you gonna stay?**

**_He leans in to kiss her, but the moment is broken by the sound of sparks from beneath the console._**

"Darn!" Amy cursed, "It was just almost there."

**THE DOCTOR: Got it! Haha!**

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Ulysses was shaking his head.

"Maybe a little bit," Eleven was scratching the back of his head.

**_Rose moves to the other side of the console to join him._**

**THE DOCTOR: Patched in the radar, looped it back twelve hours so we can follow the flight of the spaceship, here we go... hold on... ****_(whacks the computer screen) _****Come on! ****_(shows Rose the graphic on the screen) _****That's the spaceship on it's way to Earth... see? Except... hold on... see, the spaceship did a sling shot round the Earth before it landed.**

"That doesn't make sense..."

**ROSE: What does that mean?**

**THE DOCTOR: It means it came from Earth in the first place - it went up and came back down. Whoever those aliens are, they haven't just arrived. They've been here for a while. The question is, what have they been doing?**

"Oh, my danger senses are tingling," Jack waved his hands around his head.

**_In the cabinet room, the alien who was previously inside the body of Oliver is now finishing putting on the skin suit of the General Asquith._**

**ASQUITH: What do you think? How's the compression? I think I've got too much ballast round the middle ****_(farts) _****Ah, that's better. **

**_From the cupboard, Harriet Jones's eyes widen with shock and confusion._**

"I totally forgot she was in there!" everyone gasped.

**MARGARET: We've really got to fix the gas exchange. It's getting ridiculous. **

"It's not ridiculous," Theta said, "It's disgusting," he was picking at the strap holding his arm down.

"Don't try," Braxiatel smirked, "You'll only hurt yourself."

They left the Trio to pouting.

**JOSEPH: I don't know, it seems very human to me. Ah, better get rid of his skin...**

**_Asquith picks up the discarded skin of Oliver._**

**ASQUITH: Shame! I quite enjoyed being Oliver. He had a wife, a mistress, and a young farmer.**

"So they just take over their lives!" Amy groaned.

**_He makes towards the cupboard where Harriet is standing. She retreats further to the back. He opens the door and chucks the skin inside. He looks back at Margaret and Joseph._**

"Good thing she backed up," Tenny sighed.

**ASQUITH: God, I was busy. **

**_They laugh. He shuts the door again._**

**JOSEPH: Back to work!**

**ASQUITH: I have an army to command!**

**MARGARET: Careful now**

**_They leave the room, their voices retreating. Harriet picks up the discarded skin of Oliver, and examines it._**

**_Indra rushes up to Margaret, Asquith and Joseph._**

**INDRA: General Asquith! Sir - we've had a priority alarm. It's code nine confirmed code nine.**

"What's code nine?" was the main thing echoed throughout the room.

**_Harriet Jones hurries out of the cupboard._**

**ASQUITH: Code nine, huh? Which would mean...? **

"Yeah..." every companion was leaning forward.

**_Margaret gives a small and apologetic laugh while Joseph shakes his head behind him._**

**INDRA: Well, in the event of the emergency protocols being activated... we've got software that automatically searches all communications for key words. And one of those words is 'Doctor'. I think we've found him, sir. **

"YOU'RE THE CODE NINE?!" every person, Sontaran, Silurian and Time Lord yelled.

"Um," Eleven scratched the back of his head, "It's actually quite funny..."

"Which I bet we'll hear later," River interrupted.

"Isn't it funny how the Ninth Doctor got Code _Nine,_" Amy questioned.

"Yeah, that is quite a coincidence," Martha put her hand over her chin.

**MARGARET: What sort of Doctor? Who is he? **

**INDRA: Well, evidently he's some sort of expert in extra-terrestrial affairs, the ultimate expert! And we need him, sir. We need him here right now!**

"Before you're ego can inflate anymore," the Master said, "That there are people with more expertise than you,"

DOCTOR POUT well, half of them.

**_Harriet pulls a face. The Doctor is switching the television from channel to channel._**

"Don't know what to do with yourself?" Jack asked, amused.

"I've seen the Spaceman doing that a couple of times," Donna said, absentmindedly.

**MICKEY: How many channels do you get?**

"Of all things," Rory turned, "That's what you ask?"

Mickey just shrugged, "Needed to make most of the silence."

"S-u-r-e, ya did," Jack nodded.

"It did!"

**THE DOCTOR: All the basic packages. **

**MICKEY: You get sports channels?**

**THE DOCTOR: Yes, I get the football. ****_(looks back at the screen) _****Hold on, I know that bloke. **

"You know," Jackie whispered, "I bet you actually didn't,"

Nine caught this and sent her a glare.

**REPORTER: It is looking likely that the government is bringing in alien specialists - those people who have devoted their lives to studying outer space. **

**THE DOCTOR: UNIT! United Nations Intelligence Task force - good people. **

"Then why'd you put up a hissy fit when you discovered I worked for them?" Martha sent a questioning look their way.

The Doctor's just shrugged.

"I never liked them," the Master grumbled.

"That's because you tried to kill them," Tenny reminded him, cheekily.

"Why am I not surprised," everyone in the room absentmindedly said.

**ROSE: How do you know them?**

**MICKEY: 'Cos he's worked for them. **

"Excuse me?" Ulysses raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I was exiled, and..." Tenny tried to make his excuse.

"I think I've heard enough," the elder Timelord covered his ears.

**MICKEY: Yeah, don't think I sat on my backside for twelve months, Doctor. I read up on you. You look deep enough on the Internet... and in the history books, and there's his name. Followed by a list of the dead**

"That was a little harsh," Rose gave Mickey 'the look feared by millions'.

**THE DOCTOR: That's nice. Good boy, Ricky. **

FACE PALM

**ROSE: If you know them, why don't you go and help? **

**THE DOCTOR: They wouldn't recognize me. I've changed a lot since the old days. Besides, the world's on a knife-edge. There's aliens out there and fake aliens. We want to keep this alien out of the mix. I'm going undercover... and eh, better keep the TARDIS out of site. Rickey! You've got a car - you can do some driving. **

"Rude," Rory whispered.

Amy caught this and gave the Doctors the 'I told you so' look.

**_He walks towards the TARDIS door._**

**MICKEY: Where to?!**

**THE DOCTOR: The roads are clearing. Let's go and have a look at that spaceship. **

"Yay!" Jack cheered.

**_They step out of the TARDIS to the sound of helicopters - they are immediately caught out by a searchlight_**

"Business as usual," the Master looked at the Doctors as if they were co-workers.

"Business as usual," Eleven cheekily replied.

**LOUDSPEAKER: Do not move!**

**_Police cars and soldiers surround them, pointing guns and them and preventing their escape. Mickey makes a run for it. Jackie runs out of the flats and tries to get to Rose but two soldiers restrain her._**

**JACKIE: No! **

**_Mickey is hiding behind some dustbins. _**

"It was dirty," Mickey's nose scrunched up.

"It was dustbins, what were you expecting," Nine shot back, "A sauna?"

"That would've been nice.

**_The Doctor and Rose are standing in the centre looking slightly confused in the searchlight._**

**LOUDSPEAKER: Raise your hands above your head! You are under arrest!**

"I thought you said you worked for them you liar," Ushas pouted.

"LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!" Theta and Koschei yelled while pointing at them.

**_The Doctor and Rose obey._**

**THE DOCTOR: Take me to your leader!**

"I've always wanted to say that," Tenny grinned ear to ear.

"Oi! Spaceman! That couldn't have been the first time you had said that!" Donna shrieked.

"Yeah, thanks," the Master was holding the side of his head, "Deaf in this ear now,"

"Shut up, you insane baboon,"

"I'm not a monkey, you are,"

"Oh!" Jack pointed at Donna and then the Master, then back at Donna.

"Well," Luke sat still, "That was a wasted come back, thanks Harkness,"

"How's it my fault?"

**_Rose clambers into the back of a police car next to the Doctor. The door shuts and they drive off._**

**ROSE: This is a bit posh. If I knew it was gonna be like this - being arrested - I'd have done it years ago. **

**THE DOCTOR: We're not being arrested, we're being escorted! **

"Didn't they say you were being arrested," Penelope raised her eyebrows.

"Um..."

**ROSE: Where to?**

**THE DOCTOR: Where'd you think? Downing Street! **

"Downing Street, Downing Street?" Amy questioned, eyebrows meeting her hairline.

"I do believe so," Madame Vastra said.

"Where else?" Jenny asked, "Is there two? Sorry, in the 19th century, not my fault."

"I only think there's one!" Martha gave a shout of delight.

**_He laughs. Rose joins in._**

**ROSE: You're kidding.**

**THE DOCTOR: I'm not!**

**ROSE: 10 Downing Street? **

"So there's 10 different Downing Streets, I'm getting confused," Jenny rubbed her head.

"We'll reduce the other 9 to rubble, to keep you in tip-top shape!" Strax leapt up, "For the glory of the Sontaran race!" he added.

"Sit," all the Doctors gave him a stern look.

**THE DOCTOR: That's the one! **

"Haha," the Master fake-laughed, "Wasn't half as fun as I expected, but that's Earth for you,"

"Oi, Martian!" Donna yelled.

"I'm not from Mars," the Master looked slightly disgusted.

"Well, he's Spaceman, and there can only be one!"

**_Rose laughs with glee._**

**ROSE: Oh, my God! I'm going to 10 Downing Street?**

**_The Doctor nods, grinning._**

**ROSE: How come? **

"Yeah," everyone gave the Doctors the 'what did you do?' look.

**THE DOCTOR: I hate to say it, but Mickey was right. Over the years I've visited this planet a lot of times, and I've been, uh - noticed. **

"More like stalked," Twelve said bitterly while glaring at Jack, mumbling something about Torchwood.

"Sir, please advert your attention to the screen," Danny said.

"Stop it," Clara smacked his arm.

**ROSE: Now they need you?**

**THE DOCTOR: Like it said on the news - they're gathering experts in alien knowledge. And who's the biggest expert of the lot?**

**_He grins expectantly at her._**

**ROSE: Patrick Moore? **

"Did that bring your ego down a notch?" River asked, amused.

**THE DOCTOR: Apart from him!**

"Yeah, apart from him," the Master said.

"When did I become so cheeky!" Koschei complained.

"Your cheeky now!" Martha face palmed. She really was still upset with the Master for torturing her family, but, it's not a fair world, right? He's obviously acting different. Apart from, of course, having to have the Timelords stomp and his foot and slap his hands to stop him from tapping a drum beat. And she could've sworn she saw his body turn into a blue skeleton.

She's have to ask him about that after the episode was over.

**ROSE: Ah, don't you just love it**

**THE DOCTOR: I'm telling you, Lloyd George - he used to drink me under the table. Who's the Prime Minister now? **

"Just wait a year, Doctor, and you'll love it!"

Everyone groaned.

**ROSE: How should I know? I missed a year.**

**_The car pulls up outside 10 Downing Street. The paparazzi and hundreds of police men are there. The Doctor gets out of the car and waves at them all, grinning manically. Rose smiles nervously and the looks up at 10 Downing Street._**

**ROSE: ****_(under her breath)_**** Oh my God!**

**_She follows the Doctor inside. Jackie is talking to three police officers._**

**JACKIE: So, she's alright then? She's not in any trouble? **

"What," said woman complained, "I was worried!"

She was ignored.

"Well then," Jackie huffed.

**STRICKLAND: Well, all I can say is, your daughter and her 'companion' might be in a position to help the country. We'll need to know how she made contact with this man - if he is a man. ****_(sits down with a loud grumble from his belly) _****Oh! Right - off you go then. I need to talk to Mrs Tyler on my own, thank-you. **

**_The other two police officers exit the flat. Harriet Jones slips inconspicuously down the stairs. She enters a room where the alien experts are standing around talking, waiting for the meeting to begin. She flashes her ID card at the policeman standing guard at the door._**

"Oh, she's going to get in trouble," Theta pointed at the screen.

All of the adults in the room could see dried tears on Ushas, Koschei, and Theta's faces, probably still from the dead pig. Seriously, what're they going to do when something really bad happens.

**HARRIET: Harriet Jones - MP - Flydale North. **

"How could I have known," Jack said in attempt to lighten the mood.

**S****_he mingles amongst the people. Indra enters._**

**INDRA: Ladies and Gentlemen, could we convene? Quick as we can, please. It's this way on the right and can I remind you, ID cards are to be worn at all times. ****_(approaches the Doctor, gives him an ID card) _****Here's your ID card. I'm sorry, your companion doesn't have clearance.**

"Oh, man," the companions all snapped their fingers in disappointment.

**THE DOCTOR: I don't go anywhere without her. ****_(loops the ID card around his neck)_**

**INDRA: You're the code nine, not her.**

"So, what set of numbers are you, Doctor," Clara asks.

"Shush,"

**_Harriet sidles up to them._**

**INDRA: I'm sorry, Doctor... it is the Doctor, isn't it? She'll have to stay outside. **

**THE DOCTOR: She's staying with me. **

"Stubb-" Ulysses looks at the Doctors, before correcting himself, "Persistent."

"He's stubborn," Donna says without hesitation.

**INDRA: Look, even I don't have clearance to go in there. I can't let her in and that's a fact. **

**ROSE: ****_(to the Doctor) _****It's alright, you go. **

**_Harriet appears at Indra's shoulder._**

**HARRIET: Excuse me? Are you the Doctor? **

"Too nosy for her own good," Sarah Jane looks at the screen with a smile on her face.

**_Indra looks positively exasperated._**

**INDRA: Not now, we're busy - can't you go home? **

**THE DOCTOR** **_: (to Rose) _****Are you sure? **

**ROSE: Yeah, they're the experts, you should hear what they've got to say.**

"Aw," Jenny cheers, "How nice of you!"

"I was just happy I got to see as much as I did!" Rose laughs.

Everyone else erupted in an array of laughs, chuckles, childish giggles...

**THE DOCTOR: I s'pose so. Don't get into any trouble. **

**_The Doctor follows the other experts into the room._**

**HARRIET: ****_(to Indra) _****I just need a word in private. **

"Nosy," Sarah Jane mentions again, but she just seemed to find it amusing. Especially to Indra's distress.

**INDRA: You haven't got clearance, now leave it! ****_(takes Rose's arm) _****I'm going to have to leave you with security. ****_(begins to lead her away)_**

**HARRIET: It's alright. I'll look after her. Let me be of some use. ****_(to Rose) _****Walk with me. Just keep walking**

"You go Rosie!" Jack pumped his fist in the air.

**_They walk past the guards at the door._**

**HARRIET: That's right... don't look round! Harriet Jones, MP Flydale North.  
****_(shows Rose her ID card)_**

**_The experts are sitting down in their seats. Joseph and Asquith make their way to the desk at the front. The Doctor enters last and takes a seat at the back of the room, reading the booklet he finds on the chair extremely quickly. Harriet is outside in the corridor talking to Rose._**

**HARRIET: ****_(upset and distressed)_**** This friend of yours... he's an expert, is that right? He knows about aliens? **

"What's wrong with her?" everyone yelled.

"Deaf in both ears," *Please ignore the Master's upset pleading*.

"I'll look at your ears later," Tenny yelled, "Now stop complaining.

**ROSE: Why do you wanna know? **

**_Harriet breaks down into tears. Rose takes her arms awkwardly in an attempt to comfort her._**

**ASQUITH: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to have your attention please. As you can see from the summaries in front of you, the ship had one porcine occupant—**

**THE DOCTOR: Now, the REALLY interesting bit happened three days ago, see, filed away under every other business. The North Sea - the satellite detected a signal, a little blip of radiation at one hundred fathoms like there was something down there... you were just about to investigate and the next thing you know, this happens - spaceships, pigs - massive diversion - from what?**

"You interrupted him!" Koschei pouts.

Wilfred beat everyone to the punch, "And you're interrupting the program aren't you?"

The Master face palmed. Such a childish weakness he used to have...and probably he still did have it.

**_Harriet Jones is back in the cabinet room and showing Rose the body suit of Oliver._**

**HARRIET: They turned the body into a suit! A disguise for the thing inside! ****_(bursts into tears again)_**

**ROSE: It's alright! I believe you. It's... it's alien. They must have some SERIOUS technology behind this... if we could find it ****_(starts rummaging around the room)_**** we could use it. **

**_She opens a cupboard and the Prime Minister's body falls out. Rose and Harriet hurry to examine it._**

"No!" Amy cried, "The semi-decent prime minister is down!"

"Amy," Rory gave her the 'Really' look.

**ROSE: Oh, my God! Is that-?**

**_Indra enters._**

**INDRA: Harriet, for God's sake! This has gone beyond a joke - you cannot just wander-  
****_(spots the body on the floor) _****Oh, my God. That's the Prime Minister! **

"No!" Jack joins Amy in her mourning.

**_The Doctor is still lecturing the experts, Asquith and Joseph._**

**THE DOCTOR: If aliens fake an alien crash and an alien pilot, what do they get? ****_(a pause as he works it out) _****Us. They get us. It's not a diversion, it's a trap. **

"Oh come on," Tenny looked crestfallen.

"Not even a glance?" Eleven continued.

"That's"

"So"

"Unfair," Donna broke in, "Now be quiet and let's continue watching.

**MARGARET: Ohhh! **

"More like 'Ohhh!' No!" Luke sighed dramatically, no one?

**_Indra, Rose and Harriet turn to see Margaret enter the cabinet room._**

**MARGARET (CONT'D): Has someone been naughty? **

**_They look at each other. Margaret shuts the door behind her. Jackie goes into the kitchen. She is still speaking to the officer, Strickland._**

**JACKIE: It was bigger on the inside. I dunno, what do I know about spaceships? **

"I sadly learn more," Jackie sighed.

"How's that bad?" Tenny grinned, "Learning knew things is brilliant!"

**STRICKLAND: That's what worries me. You see, this man is classified as 'trouble'. Which means that anyone associated with him IStrouble. ****_(looks at Jackie through the hatch, retreats back into the living room) _****And that's my job. ****_(takes off his hat to reveal a zip on his forehead) _****Eliminating trouble. **

**_He starts to undo the zip, filling the room with a blue light._**

"Uh oh,"

**INDRA: That's impossible. He left this afternoon. The Prime Minister left Downing Street, he was driven away! **

**MARGARET: And who told you that? Hmm? ****_(walks to the baffled Indra) _****Me. ****_(strokes the hair from her forehead)_**

"Uh oh,"

"JACK HARKNESS YOU WILL SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!"

**THE DOCTOR: This is all about us. **

**_The experts all look intrigued._**

**THE DOCTO: Alien experts - the only people with knowledge how to fight them gathered together in one room. **

**_Joseph farts. The Doctor raises his eyebrows and fixes him with a pointed look._**

**THE DOCTOR: Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world? **

"Really?" Penelope was disgusted as she absentmindedly slapped Ushas, Koschei, and Theta's hands away from attempting to undo the straps holding them down.

**JOSEPH: Would you rather silent but deadly?**

**_Asquith and Joseph snigger. The Doctor stares at them. Asquith takes off his hat and undoes the zip on his forehead while Joseph laughs manically. Asquith pulls the skin suit down and reveals the Slitheen inside. The Doctor stares at him, transfixed. _**

"Those things are ugly," Koschei looked at the screen in disgust.

**_Margaret pulls her skin suit, revealing herself to the disgust and shock of Indra, Harriet and Rose. Jackie pauses halfway through making the tea. The flickering blue light is filling the whole flat. She tentatively walks to the kitchen door. Asquith finishes shrugging off his skin suit. Joseph is still cackling evilly. Jackie, now framed in the doorway of the kitchen, beholds the alien. Her eyes widen with shock. She takes deep breaths. Margaret is now entirely out of her skin suit. She stands before Rose, Indra and Harriet who all look astounded. Asquith, also out of his skin suit, straightens up and addresses the room._**

**SLITHEEN/ASQUITH: We are the Slitheen.**

"Never heard of them," most of the companions yelled.

**_Margaret roars in delight and grabs Indra between her claws, pinning him up against the wall. He shouts as she strangles him. _**

The three Time Tots covered their faces, in a bad attempt to hide the fact that they were upset.

_Why? _the Master thought, _Was I so soft?_

The Doctor heard this and whaled a pillow his way.

**_The Slitheen advances on Jackie. She screams and backs against the counter, sinking against it as the Slitheen raises his claw to strike._**

**JOSEPH: Thank you all for wearing your ID cards. ****_(takes a weapon from his pocket, at the ready-) _****They'll help to identify the bodies.**

Everyone looked horrified.

**_He presses the button. Everyone in the room is bathed in electric light. The Doctor falls to his knees in pain. Margaret strangles Indra. Harriet and Rose wince. Jackie screams as the Slitheen prepares to strike. The Doctor shouts in pain as his whole body shakes. Joseph has a savage pleasure in his eyes. Asquith laughs. TO BE CONTINUED, shows up on the screen._**

"What?" Jack was confused, "It was getting to the good part,"

"Yeah," Danny broke the silence afterwards, "Why leave when the reveal was happening?"

"Let's watch another!" Rory smiled.

"The group of tin dogs!" Mickey laughed.

"No we should do something else," Amy and Donna said at the same time.

"What?"

**A.N. Well, not exactly a cliff-hanger. But still it counts, right.**

**To LOVE is DIVINE**

**To make MISTAKES is HUMAN**

**To not REVIEW is a MISTAKE**


	9. Questioning, Martha, seriously?

**A.N. I'm back with my minisode of a chapter!**

"So, next episode, then," Jack smiled suggestively.

"Nope," Martha paused the screen, "I have problems to sort out first."

She face the Master, everyone else found themselves doing the same, the Master looked quite uncomfortable, absentmindedly tapping out a drumbeat.

"Doctor?" Martha called back.

Eleven and Tenny walked forward. Well, bounded.

"What's with that constant drumbeat?" the Master's hands froze at Martha's question.

"His insanity," Tenny looked bitterly at the Master's hands.

"It's a link, that's all I can really say at the moment," Eleven pulled Tenny back, knowing everyone's eyes were know glued rather uncomfortably at the Master.

"Doctor," Martha called back, "Actually I had one more question."

Eleven's head snapped up really fast.

"His skull as turned blue, has anyone else noticed that?"

Everyone slowly raised their hands.

"That's his degeneration."

Silence.

"So does that mean he's getting younger, or just weaker?" Jack questioned.

"Can't really tell yet." Eleven ran his hands through his hair.

"On with the next one!"

**A.N. I know, it's short. But before you yell at me, it's that chapter I write in between the episodes.**


	10. Poor Harkness, NOT! No 2

**A.N. Sorry for all of those new character lovers, I couldn't keep track of all of them so this chapter will make it go back to normal.**

"Well, then," Clara looked up, "I guess it's time to go," she quickly ran up to the Eleventh Doctor, gave him a hug.

Rose did the same with Tenny and grabbed Nine to go.

In a brilliant flash of light, Sarah Jane, Luke, Wilfred, Nine, Twelve, Clara, and Danny all disappeared.

Donna, Rose, Mickey and Jackie shrugged, "Looks like we're staying."

"Yes!" Rose did her own little dance.

"Can we get up now?" Koschei, Ushas, and Theta whined.

"NOPE!" Jack grinned.

"Really, this is just horrible," the Master hid his face in pure shame.

"Get over it," Braxiatel slapped him over the head, sending him flying into Tenny, making them both fall down.

"He's finally fallen for him," Jack sighed.

And he got two very sharp kicks in the head.

"How'd you get your foot all the way up there!" Jack complained.

Tenny shrugged, but the Master was just like, "Pure skill,", but Ulysses answered after them, silencing them, "Time Lord physics,"

The Master stuck his tongue out at him.

"Let's get this childishness over!" Penelope yelled over them.

"Yeah! Let's figure out what happens next!" Jack clapped and sat down.

Through Amy's constant complaining about the 'To be continued'.

"I can't take it!" Amy protested.

"You know it turns out well," Rory shrugged.

"So, is this like the time where everyone uses the bathroom?" Martha asked.

"I don't know," Eleven said.

"Repeat that,"

"I don't know,"

"Thank you," Martha clapped.

"I don't know what that means!" Ushas complained pointing to a word on the screen, it said, 'Best boy'.

"Google it," Amy looked up.

"I don't know who that is!" Koschei whined pointing to a name that read, 'Billie Piper'.

"Facebook it," Rose told him.

"I don't know the exact chronological cycle this happened in!" Theta kicked the ground.

"Say what?"

"I can't find the key to these straps!" Koschei bit back a curse word.

"MOM, KOSCHEI CAN'T FIND THE KEYS TO THE STRAPS!" Theta complained.

"Shut up!" Ushas hissed.

"Let's play the next film," River said in between her hysterics.

"That sounds grand." Madame Vastra said.

"And maybe we can bring some more people back later!" Eleven cheered.

**A.N. I know, hate me for getting rid of some characters, but THEY'LL COME BACK LATER! I just want to get through the first series. AND REMEMBER, I'M GOING ALL THE WAY UNTIL THERE AIN'T ANY MORE EPISODES I CAN DO, IN OTHER WORDS, THIS STORY IS GOING TO END UP WITH ALL OF THE EPISODES.**


	11. World War III

**A.N. I'm back ya all! Sorry about the last chapter. Wasn't my favorite episode and might've been confusing with so many different characters.**

**Also, sorry for slow update, computer problems.**

**Chapter Question:**

**I would like to have 'Watching the Doctor Who Movie', somewhere in this series. How 'bout after 'The Parting of Ways'?**

**Disclaimed**

**HERE'S MY DOCTOR WHO QUESTION PLEASE ANSWER IN REVIEWS:**

**What species came from Skaro?**

"I take it we should watch the next episode?" Rose smiled her famous smile.

"Yep," Jack nodded.

**[Briefing room]**

**(The Doctor manages to rip off his ID card.)**  
**DOCTOR: Deadly to humans, maybe.**

"Kick butt Doctor time," Amy clapped her hands together.

"How much of your plan will be totally stupid and manical?" Rory asked.

"My plans are _not _stupid!" Eleven and Tenny protested.

...

**(And pushes it against the collar around the neck of the revealed Slitheen, enveloping it and Green with the electricity. They don't like it.**  
**Neither does the one in the Cabinet Office or Jackie's kitchen. The Doctor, Rose and Harriet Jones make their escapes, but Jackie is still trapped.)**

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**(Mickey enters.)**  
**MICKEY: Jackie!**  
**(He smashes a chair across the back of the Slitheen, grabs Jackie's hands and pulls her out of the kitchen. He stops in the doorway to take a photograph of it on his mobile phone.)**

"The hero arrives!" Jack smirked.

"And immediatly takes out his phone!" the Master continued.

Let's just say that Jack was surprised that the Master continued his sentence.

"Hey! At least he isn't as bad as some people," Tenny rolled his eyes.

**[Entrance hall]**

**DOCTOR: Oi! If you want aliens, you've got them. They're inside Downing Street. Come on!**  
**(The armed police follow him.)**

**[Briefing room]**

**(Green manages to pull the ID card off 'Asquith's' collar, and the electricity stops.)**

"Man," Jack cursed.

"Language," Amy looked at him.  
**ASQUITH: Reinstate my disguise. Hurry up! Hurry! Hurry!**  
**(Green helps the Slitheen into the General's skin suit.)**

**[Corridor]**

**HARRIET: No, wait. They're still in there. The emergency protocols. We need them.**  
**(The Slitheen chases them through a series of rooms, smashing through the oak doors.)**

"Wow," the Master paused, "Not on the TV show, but I finally realized something!"

"What's that, now?" Jackie asked.

"The Twelfth Doctor totally stole my coat!"

"Well, yeah, he did," Tenny bit back a laugh.

"Now on with the film!" Eleven shouted.

**[Briefing room]**

**(The Doctor enters with the police just as Green finishes getting Asquith into his skin suit.)**  
**GREEN: Where have you been? I called for help. I sounded the alarm. There was this lightening, this kind of, er, electricity, and they all collapsed.**  
**(The policemen check the bodies. The Welsh Sergeant speaks.)**  
**PRICE: I think they're all dead.**

"You think?" Donna questioned, "Are they dead or not?"

"That's a good point!" Martha said, "They should be able to figure it out,"  
**GREEN: That's what I'm saying. He did it! That man there.**  
**DOCTOR: I think you will find the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise.**

"So was this Prime Minister!" Jack cheerfully stated.

The Master whaled him halfheartedly with a pillow.

"Ow," Jack said with no emotion.

** That's never going to work, is it?**  
**POLICEMAN 2: No.**  
**DOCTOR: Fair enough.**  
**(The Doctor runs.)**

"Must've been glorious that no one could blame you for anything," Braxiatel leaned back.

**[Corridor]**

**(And gets trapped between two lots of armed police.)**

"Smooth," Koschei whispered skillfully.

"Like a clean surface!" Theta smiled.

Face...

...palm

"Well, clean surfaces don't have to be smooth," Ushas said.

They went into deep thought about something that was smooth.

"Moving on," Martha turned back on the TV.  
**ASQUITH: Under the jurisdiction of the Emergency Protocols, I authorize you to execute this man.**  
**DOCTOR: Well, now, yes, you see, er, the thing is, if I was you, if I was going to execute someone by backing them against the wall, between you and me, little word of advice.**

"Really?" Amy asked.

"What? It's not like I said that at the brink of death!" Eleven said.

"I think you might've been a tad mistaken there," Jenny said.

The companions and non-companions of the Doctor nodded hastily.  
**(Ding! and a door opens behind the Doctor.)**  
**DOCTOR: Don't stand them against the lift!**  
**(He gets in and goes up.)**

"Oh!" Jack stood up, "Oh! I'm totally doing that next time I'm being chased!"

"And now, why would you be being chased?" Madame Vastra asked.

**[First floor]**

**(The lift doors open and the Slitheen is there.)**  
**DOCTOR: Hello!**  
**(He distracts the Slitheen so that Rose and Harriet can get past behind it, then closes the lift door again.)**

"Super-Doctor to the rescue!" Mickey (yes, he is still there) pumped his fist in the air.

"Wasn't I not your favorite person at the time?" both Doctors asked.

"How do you do that?" Jack asked.

"Do what?" they said in unison.

"Say things at the same time!" Rory yelled.

**[Sitting room]**

**(A large settee, a large drinks cabinet, a folding screen by the window to keep out the draughts.)**  
**ROSE: Hide!**  
**(Rose hides behind the cabinet, Harriet behind the screen.**  
**(The Doctor leaves the lift on the second floor.)**

"Smooth," Koschei whispered.

"THETA, DON'T YOU DARE MAKE A COMMENT ON THAT!" Ulysses yelled.

**[Corridor by the lift]**

**ASQUITH: I repeat, the upper floors are under quarantine. You will stay where you are. You will disregard all previous instructions. You will take your orders directly from me.**  
**(The empty lift arrives and Asquith heads for it. Green follows him.)**  
**PRICE: Mister Green, sir. I'm sorry but you've got to come with me. We should evacuate the entire building.**  
**GREEN: Sergeant, have you read the Emergency Protocols?**  
**PRICE: No, sir.**  
**GREEN: Then don't question me. Seal off Number 10, secure the ground floor, and if the Doctor makes it downstairs - shoot on sight!**

"Yeah, it totally sounded like you worked with them," Rory held out.

"Wait, didn't we go there once?" Amy asked.

"Trying to be sarcastic and funny, dear,"  
**(Green closes the lift doors.)**  
**PRICE: Well, you heard him. Move out!**

**[Lift]**

**ASQUITH: Let the sport begin. (Fart!)**  
**GREEN: I'm getting poisoned by the gas exchange. I need to be naked.**

"You don't say that everyday," Rose smiled...then frowned.

"JACK, DON'T COMMENT ON THAT, PLEASE,"  
**ASQUITH: Rejoice in it. Your body is magnificent.**  
**(Green unzips his body suit, then Asquith does likewise.)**

**[Sitting room]**

**(The Slitheen Margaret enters.)**  
**MARGARET: Oh, such fun. Little human children, where are you? Sweet little humeykins, come to me. Let me kiss you better. Kiss you with my big, green lips.**  
**(Rose makes it from the cabinet to behind a curtain.)**

"If she kissed anyone..." Jackie shuddered.

"Ew..." the Master looked disgusted, "Well, I guess that's why they're always picky with prime ministers."

"Someone have problems getting into office?" Tenny smiled.

"..."

"Thought so,"

**[Corridor]**

**(The Doctor runs down the staircase and hides as the lift arrives on this floor. Two naked Slitheen walk out.)**  
**GREEN: It does us good to hunt. Purifies the blood.**

"Yes, yes it does," Theta copied Green's accent.

"Nice," Koschei nodded.

"See?" Penelope questioned, "Behaving wonderfully...ish. Now if only, Doctor, Master, you could get along without ripping up a galaxy,"

Master looked guilty.

"Or threatening the other with a Cyberman?"

Doctor looked guilty.

"Do I want to know?" Martha questioned.

They both shook their heads super-fast.

"Were they just scolded?" Jack whispered.

"Yup," Mickey, Rory and Amy answered.  
**ASQUITH: We'll keep this floor quarantined as our last hunting ground before the final phase.**

"What's the final face?" Ushas asked.

"Phase," Jackie said.

"It's a child's accent," Koschei looked unhappy.

"Is nobody going to answer?" Theta whined.

...

"Fine then!"

**[Sitting room]**

**(Slitheens Green and Asquith enter.)**  
**MARGARET: My brothers.**  
**GREEN: Happy hunting?**  
**MARGARET: It's wonderful. The more you prolong it, the more they stink.**

"Do we really smell that bad," Mickey smelled his arm.

"Yes," the Master immediately said.

"Rude," River reminded him, absentmindedly toying with her gun.

The Master backed off.  
**ASQUITH: Sweat and fear.**  
**GREEN: I can smell an old girl. Stale bird and brittle bones.**

"Oh, why thank you," Jack looked like he was being given a reward.  
**MARGARET: And a ripe youngster, all hormones and adrenalin. Fresh enough to bend before she snaps.**

"Thanks," Rose covered her face.  
**(Margaret pulls back the curtain. Rose screams.)**  
**HARRIET: No! Take me first! Take me!**

_So selfless,_ Tenny thought, _Would've made a great prime minister._  
**(The Doctor bursts in with a fire extinguisher. He sprays the male Slitheen with CO2.)**  
**DOCTOR: Out, with me!**  
**(Rose pulls the curtain down over Margaret.)**  
**DOCTOR: Who the #!*% are you?**

"That was rude," everyone looked at them.

"I was just...um..." Tenny attempted to explain.  
**HARRIET: Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North.**  
**DOCTOR: Nice to meet you.**  
**HARRIET: Likewise.**  
**(The Doctor uses up the CO2 and they run out.)**

"Ah, CO2," Eleven sighed.

"Really?" Rory asked.

"Grenades are better," Strax stated.

...

O.o

**[Corridor]**

**DOCTOR: We need to head to the Cabinet Room.**  
**HARRIET: The Emergency Protocols are in there. They give instructions for aliens.**  
**DOCTOR: Harriet Jones, I like you.**  
**HARRIET: And I like you too.**

"Oo..." Ushas, Theta, and Koschei all pointed at the screen.

"What?" Martha asked.

She knew they wanted something.

They pointed at the straps that were _still _holding them down.

...

"No,"  
**(The Slitheen chase our heroes through corridors and rooms.)**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**(The Doctor grabs a decanter from a side table and stands in the doorway.)**  
**DOCTOR: One more move and my sonic device will triplicate the flammability of this alcohol. Whoof, we all go up. So back off.**

"You would kill everyone by you to save the world?" Amy asked.

Eleven and Tenny sighed, it was another Gallifrey situation and he hadn't realized it.  
**(The Slitheen take one step back in the outer office.)**  
**DOCTOR: Right then. Question time. Who exactly are the Slitheen?**  
**HARRIET: They're aliens.**

Jack stood up and clapped.  
**DOCTOR: Yes. I got that, thanks.**  
**GREEN: Who are you, if not human?**  
**HARRIET: Who's not human?**

"So oblivious," Jenny sighed.  
**ROSE: He's not human.**  
**HARRIET: He's not human?**

"Better reaction than most!" Martha shrugged.

"Well, Spaceman will never be Earthman," Donna shook her head.  
**DOCTOR: Can I have a bit of hush?**  
**HARRIET: Sorry.**

"Counting down until she starts to talk again," Jack looked at his watch.  
**DOCTOR: So, what's the plan?**  
**HARRIET: But he's got a Northern accent.**

"And...stop!" Jack looked truimphant.

"Lots of planets have a north!" the Doctors pouted.  
**ROSE: Lots of planets have a north.**

Rose stuck her tongue out at them.  
**DOCTOR: I said hush. Come on. You've got a spaceship hidden in the North Sea. It's transmitting a signal. You've murdered your way to the top of government. What for, invasion?**  
**ASQUITH: Why would we invade this God-forsaken rock?**

"Because it's a beautiful God-forsaken rock?" Koschei sighed.

"Yeah, really selling it there," Ushas banged her head.

"I thought we weren't going to sell it," Theta asked.

...  
**DOCTOR: Then something's brought the Slitheen race here. What is it?**  
**ASQUITH: The Slitheen race?**  
**GREEN: Slitheen is not our species. Slitheen is our surname. Jocrassa Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen at your service.**

"You just got that bit wrong!" Rory howled with laughter.

"Husband, sit down,"

He sat.

River sat there snickering in the corner.  
**DOCTOR: So, you're family.**  
**GREEN: A family business.**

"Yeah, because that makes it better," Penelope rolled her eyes.  
**DOCTOR: Then you're out to make a profit. How can you do that on a God-forsaken rock?**  
**ASQUITH: Ah, excuse me? Your device will do what? Triplicate the flammability?**  
**DOCTOR: Is that what I said?**  
**ASQUITH: You're making it up.**  
**DOCTOR: Ah, well! Nice try. Harriet, have a drink. I think you're gonna need it.**

"Would it be to dull her senses so she wouldn't feel any pain?" Rory asked.

"Yep," everyone said, "We already got that far."  
**(Harriet is clutching the Red Box.)**  
**HARRIET: You pass it to the left first.**

"Doctor! You've been proven wrong!" Jack smirked

"That stuff is gross!" Theta complained.

"It better be," Ulysses looked at him.

Amy and Rory smiled at the memory of him spitting out his drink at Lake Silencio.  
DOCTOR:** Sorry.**  
**ROSE: Thanks.**  
**ASQUITH: Now we can end this hunt with a slaughter.**  
**ROSE: Don't you think we should run?**  
**DOCTOR: Fascinating history, Downing Street. Two thousand years ago, this was marsh land. 1730, it was occupied by a Mister Chicken.**

"Bak! Bak! Bak! BAK!" Jack clucked.

"Even I wouldn't do that," Koschei looked at him, "And _that's _saying something."

** He was a nice man. 1796, this was the Cabinet Room. If the Cabinet's in session and in danger, these are about the four most safest walls in the whole of Great Britain. End of lesson.**

"Kick butt Doctor," Rose cheered, even though she knew what would happen.

"Those would be useful if you're say, running from the space police," River fiddled with her gun.

...  
**(The Doctor lifts a small panel by the door and presses a button. Metal shutters crash shut across the windows and doors.)**  
**DOCTOR: Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in.**  
**ROSE: And how do we get out?**  
**DOCTOR: Ah.**

"Didn't know that, eh, Doc?" Jack smiled.

"There's Captain Cheesecake," Mickey grinned.

They high-fived.

**[Outer office]**

**GREEN: He's safely contained. Now, cut off communications inside that room, then summon the family. It's time we finished with this insane planet for good.**

"Safely contained," Ushas grinned, "Theta! You knew it was coming!"

**[Downing Street]**

**ANDREW MARR: And there's still no word from inside Downing Street, though we are getting even more new arrivals. That's group Captain Tennant **

Eyebrows raise. **(A.N. David Tennant? It was a sign!)**

**James of the RAF, though why he's been summoned we've no idea. And that's Ewan McAllister, Deputy Secretary for the Scottish Parliament. And this is most unusual. I'm told that is Sylvia Dillane, Chairman of the North Sea Boating Club.**

"What now?" Braxiatel's eyebrows rose.

** Quite what connects these people, we have no idea.**  
**(Apart from being larger than the average person.)**

**[Entrance hall]**

**(The three Slitheen are back in their body suits.)**

"At least they're comfortable now,"

...

What?  
**MARGARET: Group Captain. Delighted you could make it. We're meeting upstairs. (Fart!) That's the spirit. Off you go. Good to see you. Come on through.**  
**ASQUITH: Ah, Sergeant. Now that the Doctor's been neutralised, the upper levels are out of bounds to everyone.**  
**SERGEANT: Then who are they?**  
**ASQUITH: Need to know, Sergeant. Need to know. I want you to liaise with Communications. The acting Prime Minister will be making a public address. He will speak to the nations of the world.**

"Oh, and how embarrassing it was when you got grammar wrong," the Master rubbed his head.

Tenny couldn't help but feel himself smile, "Speaking from experience?"

"I remember seeing that!" All of the companions currently in the room laughed.

**[Cloak room]**

**(Sylvia goes into the blue lit toilets, while Margaret gets a coat hanger from a rack.)**  
**MARGARET: There you are. If you'd just like to go through and get changed.**  
**(She takes a skin suit off an emerging Slitheen, who used to be Group Captain James.)**  
**MARGARET: Now, if you'd like to head down to the end of the corridor, it's first on the left.**  
**JAMES: Thank you.**

"They're so polite to each other," Penelope observed.

"Unlike some Time Lords over there," Braxiatel gestured.

"HEY!" the Master and the Doctor went on defense.

"You know it's true," Martha said.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: Got anything stronger?**  
**MICKEY: No chance. I've seen you when you've had a few. This ain't time for a conga.**

"There's always time for a conga!" Eleven smiled.

Rose grinned, thinking of the time when Tenny had been possessed by Cassandra, and did some rather _embarrassing _things. Oh! That'll be on here, won't it!  
**JACKIE: We've got to tell someone.**  
**MICKEY: Who do we trust? For all we know, they've all got big bog monsters inside of them. I mean, this is what he does, Jacks, that Doctor bloke. Everywhere he goes, death and destruction, and he's got Rose in the middle of it.**  
**JACKIE: Has he got a great big green thing inside him, then?**  
**MICKEY: I wouldn't put it past him. But like it or not, he's the only person who knows how to fight these things.**

"Well," Tenny shrugged, "Yeah."

"So modest," River smiled.  
**JACKIE: I thought I was going to die.**  
**(Jackie starts crying. Mickey gives her a quick, awkward hug.)**

"Awkward..." Jack held that out.  
**MICKEY: Come on, yeah? If anyone's going to cry, it's going to be me. Now, you're safe in my flat, Jacks. No one's going To look for you here, especially since you hate me so much.**  
**JACKIE: You saved my life. God, that's embarrassing.**

"Yes," Jackie said, "It was."

"You know you love me, Jacks!" Mickey pulled her into an even-more-awkward hug.  
**MICKEY: You're telling me.**  
**JACKIE: He wanted me dead. And he's still out there, Mickey. That policeman. That thing.**

"Thingy," Eleven thought about what he'd say next.

"Thingy?" Donna questioned, giving a confused expression.

Eleven thought about how much he currently missed her.

"Don't question my things."

"O-kay, then,"

**[Powell Estate]**

**(And back in his skin suit.)**  
**STRICKLAND: Right, you head off. Inform Control I have got one or two things that still need doing. I haven't quite finished with Mrs Tyler yet.**

**[Cloak room]**

**McALLISTER: Soon.**  
**GREEN: Oh yes, soon.**  
**(McAllister clumps away.)**  
**GREEN: Is that all of us?**  
**MARGARET: All the family except Sip Fel Fotch. He's found a hunt of his own.**

"I love how they act so casual," Rory grinned.

"You should've seen it when these two," Braxiatel gestured to the Doctors and the Master, "Found each other in 1999, and acted so casual!"

"Really!" Jack spit out his suddenly appeared drink.

"Yeah!" Eleven grinned, "He took me in a vehicle to where I needed to go!"

"It was an ambulance," the Master looked at him, deadpanned.

The companions felt their mouths drop, where'd he get an ambulance from?

He has his sources, though.

But still...  
**GREEN: Ah!**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**(The Doctor drags Ganesh's body into a small store room, where the late Anthony Blair is also laid out.)**  
**DOCTOR: What was his name?**  
**HARRIET: Who?**  
**DOCTOR: This one. The secretary or whatever he was called.**  
**HARRIET: I don't know. I talked to him. I brought him a cup of coffee. I never asked his name.**

"Always the nice ones," Amy cursed.

"Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala..." Ushas, Koschei and Theta sang.

Everyone laughed.  
**DOCTOR: Sorry. Right, what have we got? Any terminals, anything?**  
**ROSE: No. This place is antique. What I don't get is, when they killed the Prime Minister, why didn't they use him as a disguise?**  
**DOCTOR: He's too slim. They're big old beasts. They need to fit inside big humans.**  
**ROSE: But the Slitheen are about eight feet. How do they fit inside?**  
**DOCTOR: That's the device around their necks. Compression field. Literally shrinks them down a bit. That's why there's all that gas. It's a big exchange.**

"Ew..." everyone looked at the screen.

They wouldn't make that embarrassing sacrifice.  
**ROSE: Wish I had a compression field. I could fit a size smaller.**

Everyone female human in the room burst out laughing. And Jack did too...

"S-So true," Jack breathed.

"Okay," Tenny looked at the screen as if acting like he didn't just see that.  
**HARRIET: Excuse me, people are dead! This is not the time for making jokes.**

"So caring..." everyone sighed, they missed her, well some people didn't know she died, yet.  
**ROSE: Sorry. You get used to this stuff when you're friends with him.**  
**HARRIET: Well, that's a strange friendship.**  
**DOCTOR: Harriet Jones. I've heard that name before. Harriet Jones. You're not famous for anything, are you?**

"Yeah, wonder where I heard that," Eleven and Tenny looked at his past self like he was an idiot.  
**HARRIET: Oh, hardly.**  
**DOCTOR: Rings a bell. Harriet Jones?**  
**HARRIET: Lifelong backbencher I'm afraid, and a fat lot of use I'm being now. The Protocols are redundant. They list the people who could help and they're all dead downstairs.**

"Oh, lovely," Jenny flashed a smile.

"One good grenade would set them off," Strax mumbled, reaching for his bag.

Madame Vastra swatted his hand away from it.  
**ROSE: Hasn't it got, like, defence codes and things? Couldn't we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?**

"The boy understands me!

...

"I'm a girl," Rose said.

"The yellow-headed Earth girl understands me!"

Sigh...  
**HARRIET: You're a very violent young woman.**  
**ROSE: I'm serious. We could.**  
**HARRIET: Well, there's nothing like that in here. Nuclear strikes do need a release code, yes, but it's kept secret by the United Nations.**  
**DOCTOR: Say that again.**  
**HARRIET: What, about the codes?**  
**DOCTOR: Anything. All of it.**

"How kind of the U.N." Theta grumbled.

"It's their job," Martha said.

"Sure doesn't sound like it," Ushas joined the grumbling.

"I feel strangely left out," Koschei sniffed.  
**HARRIET: Well, the British Isles can't gain access to atomic weapons without a Special Resolution from the UN.**  
**ROSE: Like that's ever stopped them.**  
**HARRIET: Exactly, given our past record. And I voted against that, thank you very much. The codes have been taken out of the government's hands and given to the UN. Is it important?**  
**DOCTOR: Everything's important.**

"Great speech!" Jack clapped.  
**HARRIET: If we only knew what the Slitheen wanted. Listen to me. I'm saying Slitheen as if it's normal.**

"The Doctor has that effect on people," Amy Pond pondered.  
**ROSE: What do they want, though?**  
**DOCTOR: Well, they're just one family, so it's not an invasion. They don't want Slitheen World They're out to make money. That means they want to use something. Something here on Earth. Some kind of asset.**  
**HARRIET: Like what, gold? Oil? Water?**

"Hasn't all the water on Earth already been drunk," Jackie scrunched her nose, "And _recycled_."

"Lovely," Rory said.  
**DOCTOR: You're very good at this.**  
**HARRIET: Thank you.**  
**DOCTOR: Harriet Jones. Why do I know that name?**

"Maybe it's because she is the future prime minister or something!" the Master shouted in annoyance.

"How'd you know that?" Martha asked. Jack got a suspicion.

"I used to work for her,"

"Did you do something to her?" Tenny accused.

"Why do you blame me!"

"Because if it was anyone, it would most likely be you!"

"And that's why I can't stand you anymore," the Master yelled, tears glinting in his eyes.

Tenny's eyes widened with realization.

"Sweetie," River said, "I think you better sit down."  
**(Phone beep)**  
**ROSE: Oh, that's me.**  
**HARRIET: But we're sealed off. How did you get a signal?**  
**ROSE: He zapped it. Super phone.**  
**HARRIET: Then we can phone for help. You must have contacts.**  
**DOCTOR: Dead downstairs, yeah.**  
**ROSE: It's Mickey.**  
**DOCTOR: Oh, tell your stupid boyfriend we're busy.**

Mickey gasped with fake-hurt.  
**ROSE: Yeah, he's not so stupid after all.**  
**(Mickey has sent them a photo of a Slitheen.)**

"Genius!" Braxiatel clapped.

The faint sound of drumming could be heard in the background.

"I'm a genius," Mickey looks proud.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(Mickey is on the phone.)**  
**MICKEY: No, no, no, no, no. Not just alien, but like, proper alien. All stinking, and wet, and disgusting. And more to the point, it wanted to kill us!**  
**JACKIE: I could've died!**

"But you didn't," Eleven said.

"Oh, shush," Jackie grumbled.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**ROSE: Is she all right, though? Don't put her on, just tell me.**  
**(The Doctor takes Rose's phone.)**  
**DOCTOR: Is that Ricky? Don't talk, just shut up and go to your computer.**

"Kindness, it's seeping through you," Penelope said.

"How do we get out of these straps," Koschei whispered to Theta and Ushas, "It's getting painful..."

"Oh, no you don't," Braxiatel shook his head, "And don't give me the puppy dog eyes either."

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: It's Mickey, and why should I?**  
**DOCTOR [OC]: Mickey the Idiot,**

"MICKEY THE IDIOT!" Tenny and Eleven shouted.

** I might just choke**

"This'll be good," Amy leaned forward.

"Might want to lean back a bit, miss," Jenny says, "You might fall over."

Rory, being a gent, pushes her back.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Before I finish this sentence, but, er, I need you.**

"Did you're pride get in the way?" Jack 'innocently' asked.

"Oh, shush," Tenny stated, covering his face.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(Mickey is hacking into the UNIT website.)**  
**MICKEY: It says password.**

"He can read!" Tenny gasped.

"Hey!"

"I'm just teasing you,"

"Sure..."

**[Cabinet Room]**

**(The Doctor plugs the mobile phone into the conference phone speaker.)**  
**DOCTOR: Say again.**  
**MICKEY: It's asking for the password.**  
**DOCTOR: Buffalo. Two Fs, one L.**

"I think he knows how to spell buffalo," Rose crossed her arms.

"Aw," Jack looked sad, "Is little Rosie Posie upset?"

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: So, what's that website?**  
**MICKEY: All the secret information known to mankind. See, they've known about aliens for years.**

"Then why were they not telling us, then?" Jackie asked.

"Because your teeny-weeny little ape brains would explode?" Braxiatel asked.

The Master snorted.

"Oi!" all of the humans in the room, plus one Time Lord with two incarnations threw a pillow at both of them.

It's magical how the pillows keep reappearing.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**MICKEY [OC]: They just kept us in the dark.**  
**DOCTOR: Mickey, you were born in the dark.**

"OH!" Amy and Donna pointed at Mickey.

"Red-heads for the win," Eleven and Tenny looked pitifully sad.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**ROSE [OC]: Oh, leave him alone.**  
**MICKEY: Thank you. Password again.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Just repeat it every time.**

"Doesn't seem to have good security, now, does it?" Ulysses asked.

"That's good! Now I can hack it!" the Master was scribbling on a notepad.

"Shred it," Martha and Jack looked at him, very, very darkly.

Mommy...

"Why?" Koschei asked.

"You can always trust Koschei!" Theta smiled.

"Er, Theta, he ranked two places higher than you at the Academy," Ulysses said slowly.

"My point!"

The Master looked at Eleven pointedly. "I knew I was the smart one."

"No one ever doubted you!" Eleven put his hands up.

Everyone else in the room found this highly amusing.  
**(Mickey hands the phone to Jackie.)**  
**DOCTOR: Big Ben - why did the Slitheen go and hit Big Ben?**  
**HARRIET: You said to gather the experts, to kill them.**  
**DOCTOR: That lot would've gathered for a weather balloon. You don't need to crash land in the middle of London.**  
**ROSE: The Slitheen are hiding, but then they put the entire planet on Red alert.**

"That's stupid," Ushas frowned, "If I was so incredibly smart that I eventually lost my mind and started to try to kill Theta, I would store all my data in one place. Maybe wear a disguise, but never put the world on red alert." she thought for a moment. "Wait, where did that come from?"

"It came from your own imagination, and you never need to think that way again." Tenny said immediately.

"Wait," Martha pulled Tenny over. "Did Ushas lose her mind and try to kill you?"

"Actually succeeded once, but, yeah," Tenny admitted.

"You need to hang out with a better crowd."

**[Mickey's flat]**

**ROSE [OC]: What would they do that for?**  
**JACKIE: Oh, listen to her.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**ROSE: At least I'm trying.**

"Yeah," Jenny said, "She has a point,"

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: Well, I've got a question, if you don't mind.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**JACKIE [OC]: Since that man walked into our lives, I have been attacked**

"Oh," Jack pointed at the Doctors.

"That wasn't even a joke!" Eleven protested.

"What...he said," Tenny agreed.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: In the streets. I have had creatures from the pits of #!*%**

"Bad word alert!" Koschei yelled.

Penelope sighed.

"I wasn't even your's!" the Master grumbled.

"But you are my son's friend." she answered simply.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**JACKIE [OC]: In my own living room, and my daughter disappear off the face of the Earth.**

"That is not entirely false," Jack laughed.

SMACK THE JACK  
**ROSE: I told you what happened.**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: I'm talking to him. 'Cos I've seen this life of yours, Doctor.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**JACKIE [OC]: And maybe you get off on it, and maybe you think it's all clever and smart, but you tell me.**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: Just answer me this. Is my daughter safe?**

"That's always what the mothers ask," Tenny and the Master groaned.

"Now, tell me," Penelope asked the Master, "Is my son safe?"

She got another mysterious pillow whaled at her.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**ROSE: I'm fine.**  
**JACKIE: Is she safe?**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: Will she always be safe? Can you promise me that?**

The Doctors winced.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**JACKIE [OC]: Well, what's the answer?**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(Mickey takes back the phone.)**  
**MICKEY: We're in.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Now then, on the left at the top, there's a tab, an icon. Little concentric circles. Click on that.**

"Do you have this entire website memorized?" Jenny questioned.

"Yes," Eleven answered.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(The screen changes from a map of the world to an oscilloscope reading, with sound.)**  
**MICKEY: What is it?**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea and it's transmitting that signal. Now hush, let me work out what it's saying.**

"At least you didn't tell her to shut up," Rose laughed.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: He'll have to answer me one day.**  
**MICKEY: Hush!**

"Yeah, hush!" Mickey quoted himself.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: It's some sort of message.**  
**ROSE: What's it say?**  
**DOCTOR: Don't know. It's on a loop, keeps repeating.**  
**(Mickey's doorbell rings.)**  
**DOCTOR: Hush!**

"Stealing my line," Mickey grumbled.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: That's not me. Go and see who that is.**  
**JACKIE: It's three o'clock in the morning.**  
**MICKEY: Well, go and tell them that.**

"Sass," Jack snapped his fingers.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: It's beaming out into space, who's it for?**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: All right!**  
**(Jackie opens the front door.)**  
**STRICKLAND: Mrs Tyler.**

"Uh oh," Amy gulped.

Then they all laughed.

"It wasn't funny at the time," Jackie crossed her arms.  
**(She slams it shut again and runs back to Mickey.)**  
**JACKIE: It's him! It's the thing, it's the Slipeen!**

"The Slitheen," Theta corrected.  
**MICKEY: They've found us.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Mickey, I need that signal.**  
**ROSE: Never mind the signal, get out! Mum,**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(Mickey grabs a handy baseball bat.)**

"Yeah!" Theta, Koschei, and Ushas hollered, "Wack him!"  
**ROSE [OC]: Just get out! Get out!**  
**MICKEY: We can't. It's by the front door.**  
**(Outside, it starts to unzip its body suit.)**  
**MICKEY: Oh, my God, it's unmasking. It's going to kill us.**

"Unmasking?" Jack raised an eyebrow. "Is that even a word?"

"I don't know, let me look it up in the dictionary while the Slitheen tries to kill us!" Mickey glared at him.

"Dog fight!" Tenny jumped.

"Isn't it 'cat fight'?" Rory questioned.

"Well, they're the tin dogs,"

MICKEY'S EVIL DEATH GLARE THAT SENDS YOU RUNNING FOR YOUR MOMMA.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**HARRIET: There's got to be some way of stopping them! You're supposed to be the expert, think of something!**  
**DOCTOR: I'm trying!**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: I'll take it on, Jackie. You just run. Don't look back.**

"That's brave, considering you in the first episode," Martha giggled.

"Rude," Mickey grumbled.

"Yeah," the Master agreed, "She is,"

"Only to you," Martha glared. The Master was getting better and now this sudden turn of events. What the #!*% happened?

**[Cabinet Room]**

**MICKEY [OC]: Just run.**  
**(Sounds of the front door splintering.)**  
**ROSE: That's my mother.**

"No!" Jenny gasped.  
**DOCTOR: Right, If we're going to find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from. Which planet. So, judging by their basic shape, that narrows it down to five thousand planets within travelling distance. What else do we know about them? Information!**  
**ROSE: They're green.**  
**DOCTOR: Yep, narrows it down.**

"No, it doesn't," Ushas frowned.  
**ROSE: Good sense of smell.**  
**DOCTOR: Narrows it down.**

"You are just going to repeat that, right?" Jackie sighed.

"No!" Tenny looked hurt.  
**ROSE: They can smell adrenalin.**  
**DOCTOR: Narrows it down.**

Jackie raised an eyebrow.  
**HARRIET: The pig technology.**  
**DOCTOR: Narrows it down.**

"Really?" Jackie smirked.  
**ROSE: The spaceship in the Thames, you said slipstream engine?**  
**DOCTOR: Narrows it down.**

"Okay, maybe I said it a few times," Tenny admitted.

"That's more than a few times," Jackie looked triumphant.

"So," Braxiatel brought up casually, "Geronimo? Allons-y? Or is it 'Narrows it down'?"

"Shush,"

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: It's getting in!**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**ROSE: They hunt like it's a ritual.**  
**DOCTOR: Narrows it down.**

"How narrow is this now?" Ulysses asked.

The Doctors looked sheepish. While Theta smirked.

"Who's side are you on?" Eleven shouted.  
**HARRIET: Wait a minute. Did you notice? When they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word, it's something else. What is it? It's more like, er**  
**ROSE: Bad breath!**  
**HARRIET: That's it!**  
**DOCTOR: Calcium decay! Now, that narrows it down!**

"Finally!" everyone was exasperated.  
**ROSE: We're getting there, Mum!**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: Too late!**

"OPTIMISM!" Koschei yelled, "THIS PLACE IS GETTING TOO SAD FOR ME!"

Everyone backed off.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Calcium phosphate. Organic calcium. Living calcium. Creatures made out of living calcium. What else? What else? Hyphenated surname. Yes! That narrows it down to one planet. Raxacoricofallapatorius!**

"Now that is a mouth-full!" Amy pointed at the screen.

"Spell it," Madame Vastra challenged.

"Or be melted in acid...mpff!" Strax got a hand slapped over his mouth.

"R-A-X-A-C-O-R-I-C-O-F-A-L-L-A-P-A-T-O-R-I-U-S!" Theta wheezed for air.

"Thanks!" Amy gave a thumbs up seal of approval.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: Oh, yeah, great. We could write 'em a letter.**

"If you could write the address in time," Rory stated.

Mickey scowled, but then smiled at how true that statement was.  
**(The front door finally falls apart.)**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Get into the kitchen!**

"Oh, brilliant!" Ushas grinned, "I remember this one time with a blender,"

"We will talk about that later," Penelope gave a stern glance.

The Trio of Time Lord Trouble gulped.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(They do, and try to barricade the door.)**  
**JACKIE: My God, it's going to rip us apart!**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Calcium, weakened by the compression field. Acetic acid. Vinegar!**  
**HARRIET: Just like Hannibal!**

"Whose Hannibal, did I miss a Hannibal?" Jenny questioned.

"SPACEMAN!" Donna yelled, "Whose Hannibal?"

The Doctors shurgged.  
**DOCTOR: Just like Hannibal. Mickey, have you got any vinegar?**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: How should I know?**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: It's your kitchen.**

"Oh!"  
**ROSE: Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf.**

"How do I know your kitchen better than you?" Rose gave a smile.

"Awesome memory?" Mickey tried.

"Nope,"

**[Mickey's flat]**

**(Jackie takes the phone.)**  
**JACKIE: Oh, give it here. What do you need?**  
**DOCTOR [OC]: Anything with vinegar!**  
**(Jackie grabs a large jug and starts pouring stuff in.)**  
**JACKIE: Gherkins. Yeah, pickled onions. Pickled eggs.**

"So pickled things have vinegar?" Koschei looked disgusted.

"Yep!" Braxiatel gave a mischievous grin, "And you three never realized it, until now, that is,"

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: And you kiss this man?**  
**(The Slitheen breaks in. Jackie throws the vile contents of the jug over it. It stops, farts, then explodes, redecorating the kitchen in green innards.)**  
**ROSE: Hannibal?**  
**HARRIET: Hannibal crossed the Alps by dissolving boulders with vinegar.**

"That Hannibal," Donna nodded.  
**ROSE: Oh. Well, there you go then.**  
**(They all toast the moment with a glass of port from the decanter.)**

**[Entrance lobby]**

**ASQUITH: He's dead. Sip Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen is dead.**  
**GREEN: I felt it. How could that happen?**  
**ASQUITH: Somebody must have got lucky.**  
**GREEN: That's the last piece of luck anyone on this rock will ever have.**

"What's he going to do?" Martha smirked, "Threaten us to death?"

**[Downing Street]**

**(Green and Asquith go outside to make the promised broadcast.)**  
**GREEN: Ladies and gentlemen, nations of the world, humankind. The greatest experts in extra-terrestrial events came here tonight. They gathered in the common cause, but the news I bring you now is grave indeed.**

"Prime ministers always lie straight through their teeth," Jack glared.

The Master shrugged.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**GREEN [on TV]: The experts are dead, murdered right in front of me by alien hands. Peoples of the Earth, heed my words. These visitors do not come in peace.**  
**MICKEY: Listen to this.**  
**(He holds the phone in front of the television.)**  
**GREEN [on TV]: Our inspectors have searched the sky above our heads**

"And this is when the stupid villian gives away his evil plan," Madame Vastra cackled.

The Doctor gave a pointed look.

"I only did that once!" the Master shrieked.

"Well, you have to learn somehow," Rory shrugged.

**[Downing Street]**

**GREEN: And they have found massive weapons of destruction**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**GREEN [OC]: Capable of being deployed within forty five seconds.**  
**DOCTOR: What?**

**[Downing Street]**

**GREEN: Our technicians can baffle the alien probes, but not for long.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**GREEN [OC]: We are facing extinction, unless we strike first.**

"Attacking yourself," Braxiatel stood, "Let's give a round of applause,"

It echoed throughout the room.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**GREEN [OC]: The United Kingdom stands directly beneath the belly of the mother ship.**

**[Downing Street]**

**GREEN: I beg of the United Nations, pass an emergency resolution. Give us the access codes. A nuclear strike at the**

"Oh," Ulysses looked suspicious.

"They want the access codes for themselves," River eyed the screen, "Which means there are no weapons,"

"Genius," Penelope clapped, "Not good for Earth, though,"

**[Cabinet Room]**

**GREEN [OC]: Heart of the beast is our only chance of survival**

**[Downing Street]**

**GREEN: Because from this moment on it is my solemn duty to inform you planet Earth is at war.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: He's making it up. There's no weapons up there, there's no threat. He just invented it.**

"Great minds think alike," River smirked. Eleven winked at her while Tenny sat there with this expression on his face.

O_O

Yeah.  
**HARRIET: Do you think they'll believe him?**  
**ROSE: They did last time.**  
**DOCTOR: That's why the Slitheen went for spectacle. They want the whole world panicking, because you lot, you get scared, you lash out.**

"I really should write this down!" the Master struggled against the others glares.  
**ROSE: They release the defence code**  
**DOCTOR: And the Slitheen go nuclear.**  
**HARRIET: But why?**  
**(The Doctor opens the metal shutters.)**  
**DOCTOR: You get the codes, release the missiles, but not into space because there's nothing there. You attack every other country on Earth. They retaliate, fight back. World War Three. Whole planet gets nuked.**  
**MARGARET: And we can sit through it safe in our spaceship waiting in the Thames. Not crashed, just parked. Only two minutes away.**  
**HARRIET: But you'll destroy the planet, this beautiful place. What for?**  
**DOCTOR: Profit. That's what the signal is beaming into space. An advert.**

"Stills only about money, then, is it?" Jack looked disgusted.

"People go to extremes to get even the smallest profite," Tenny grumbled, "Remember the Klondike gold rush?"

The Time Lords and lone Silurian nodded. The rest...need to study on history.  
**MARGARET: The sale of the century. We reduce the Earth to molten slag, then sell it piece by piece. Radioactive chucks, capable of powering every cut-price star liner and budget cargo ship. There's a recession out there, Doctor. People are buying cheap. This rock becomes raw fuel.**  
**DOCTOR: At the cost of five billion lives.**  
**MARGARET: Bargain.**

"Rude," Jackie mocked her in the her voice.  
**DOCTOR: I give you a choice. Leave this planet or I'll stop you.**  
**MARGARET: What, you? Trapped in your box?**  
**DOCTOR: Yes. Me.**  
**(The Doctor closes the shutters on Margaret's laughing face, and she starts to worry.)**

"Doctor still has people quaking then," the Master stateed in a taunting tone.

Several Time Lord hands met the Master on that one, fateful, day.

**[Westminster Bridge]**

**(Next morning.)**  
**HITCHINSON: Yesterday saw the start of a brave new world. Today might see it end. The streets are deserted. Everyone's home, just waiting, as the future is decided in New York.**

**[Outside the UN]**

**WOMAN [OC]: It's midnight here in New York. The United Nations has gathered. England has provided them with absolute proof that the massive weapons of destruction do exist.**

"I wonder what proof that is," the Doctor wondered, "Must be some good proof."

"Must be," Martha stated, "To get the whole world panicked."

**[Mickey's flat]**

**WOMAN [on TV]: The Security Council will be making a resolution in a matter of minutes, and once the codes are released, humanity's first interplanetary war begins.**

**[Entrance lobby]**

**GREEN: Sergeant. We'll take the call in the Prime Minister's office. Maintain your positions. Good luck.**

**[PM's office]**

**MARGARET: Oh, look at that. The telephone is actually red.**

"It's funny how you think things like that at the strangest times," Madame Vastra said offhandedly.

"Like that?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, like that,"  
**(Green farts as he sits down.)**  
**GREEN: How long till they phone?**  
**ASQUITH: Counting down.**  
**(There is a handful of Smarties by the phone.)**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: All right, Doctor. I'm not saying I trust you, but there must be something you can do.**

"Still holding a grudge," Rory asked.

Jackie nodded.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**HARRIET: If we could ferment the port, we could make acetic acid.**  
**ROSE: Mickey, any luck?**  
**MICKEY: There's loads of emergency numbers. They're all on voicemail.**  
**HARRIET: Voicemail dooms us all.**

"I'll call the police one day and I'll be put on voicemail and die," Rose stated.

Earth be warned, the mighty Bad Wolf has sent out a statement.  
**ROSE: If we could just get out of here.**  
**DOCTOR: There's a way out.**  
**ROSE: What?**  
**DOCTOR: There's always been a way out.**  
**ROSE: Then why don't we use it?**  
**DOCTOR: Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe.**

"The effect," the Master smirked, "Wasn't the first time you made that calculation, was it?"

"SHUT UP!" the whole room yelled, yes his younger self included.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: Don't you dare. Whatever it is, don't you**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**JACKIE [OC]: Dare.**  
**DOCTOR: That's the thing. If I don't dare, everyone dies.**

"Oh, that is a bad set of standards," Amy came to realization.  
**ROSE: Do it.**  
**DOCTOR: You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?**  
**ROSE: Yeah.**  
**JACKIE [OC]: Please**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: Doctor. Please. She's my daughter. She's just a kid.**

"I was legally an adult," Rose waved her hand.

"You'll always be a kid to me," Jackie sighed.

"Aw..." the trio just ruined that moment.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Do you think I don't know that? Because this is my life, Jackie. It's not fun, it's not smart, it's just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.**  
**ROSE: Then what're you waiting for?**  
**DOCTOR: I could save the world but lose you.**  
**HARRIET: Except it's not your decision, Doctor. It's mine.**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: And who the #!*% are you?**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**HARRIET: Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. The only elected representative in this room, chosen by the people for the people. And on behalf of the people, I command you. Do it.**

"Now that's the makings of a good prime minister," Rory nodded.

"GET OFF THE TOPIC OF PRIME MINISTER!" the Master shouted.

**[PM's office]**

**GREEN: Victory should be naked!**

"You don't say that everyday," Jack rubbed his hands together.

"Stop it," the Doctors warned.  
**(Green, Margaret and Asquith unzip their body suits.)**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**ROSE: How do we get out?**  
**DOCTOR: We don't. We stay here.**  
**(The Doctor gets the Emergency Protocols from the Red Box.)**

**[US TV Studio]**

**WOMAN: The Council is voting. The results should be known any second now.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Use the buffalo password. It overrides everything.**

"Sweet!" the Master clapped.

"TARDIS!" Eleven called, "When we're done can you wipe that from his memory?"

The Master gasped, "That's mean!"

"And you wonder why we're doing it," Martha rubbed her head.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: What're you doing?**  
**MICKEY: Hacking into the Royal Navy. We're in. Here it is. HMS Taurean, Trafalgar Class submarine, ten miles off the coast of Plymouth.**  
**DOCTOR [OC]: Right, we need to select a missile.**

"Yes, and while you are at it, I need some shoes, a new jacket..." Jack started listing everything he needed.

Ushas, Koschei, and Theta Sigma burst out laughing. The rest gave him the 'really?' look.  
**MICKEY: We can't go nuclear. We don't have the defense codes.**

"I do!" Tenny perked up.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: We don't need it. All we need's an ordinary missile.**

"But that's boring!" Theta moaned.

"It needs to be, like, interesting," Eleven complained.

Penelope, Ulysses, and Braxiatel sighed.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**DOCTOR [OC]: What's the first category?**  
**MICKEY: Sub Harpoon, UGM-A4A.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: That's the one. Select.**

"You are basically going to bomb yourselves?" Martha asked.

"That's how it ends," Rose groaned. River smirked, that was more of her style.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**JACKIE: I could stop you.**  
**MICKEY: Do it, then.**  
**DOCTOR [OC]: You ready for this?**  
**MICKEY: Yeah.**

"Yeah," Mickey mimicked.

"You just mocked yourself," the Master raised an eyebrow.

Mickey immediately shut up.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**DOCTOR: Mickey the idiot, the world is in your hands.**

"It sounds dangerous if you say it like that," Jackie scowled.

"Yeah! Explosions!" Ushas cheered.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**DOCTOR [OC]: Fire.**  
**(Mouse click. Big Whoosh as a missile launches from below the sea and heads for its target.)**  
**JACKIE: Oh, my God.**

Jackie sighed.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**HARRIET: How solid are these?**  
**DOCTOR: Not solid enough. Built for short range attack, nothing this big.**  
**ROSE: All right, now I'm making the decision. I'm not going to die. We're going to ride this one out. It's like what they say about earthquakes. You can survive them by standing under a doorframe. Now, this cupboard's small so it's strong. Come and help me. Come on.**  
**(Harriet does, as the missile heads up the Channel.)**

"Dun," Koschei said.

"Dun," Theta continued."

"Dun!" Ushas finished.

"You need four," Amy broke the silence, "You said, 'Dun, dun, dun,' it's 'Dun, dun, dun, DUN!"

"DUN!"

**[US TV studio]**

**WOMAN: The vote is in. The Council says yes. They are releasing the codes.**

"Oh, NO!" everyone except the aliens gasped.

"You know it doesn't happen," the Master rubbed his head.

"Sorry," Rory apologized, "Got a little caught up in the moment."

**[PM's office]**

**(All the Slitheen family are gathered.)**  
**GREEN: Ring, #!*% you.**

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: It's on radar.**

**[Cabinet Room]**

**(Rose and Harriet are emptying the cupboard.)**  
**MICKEY [OC]: Counter defence five five six.**  
**DOCTOR: Stop them intercepting it.**

"Woah, don't want to put too much pressure on the tin dog, now, do we?" Rose questioned.

The tin dogs, Jack Harkness, Mickey Smith and Rory Williams all glared.

**[Mickey's flat]**

**MICKEY: I'm doing it now.**  
**DOCTOR [OC]: Good boy.**

"That was a tin dog joke, wasn't it?" Mickey Dog glared.

Jack Dog and Rory Dog crossed their arms.

**[Cabinet Room]**

**MICKEY [OC]: Five five six neutralised.**  
**(The Doctor unplugs the phone as the missile heads inland over Seven Sisters.**

**[Security office]**

**PRICE: What do you mean, incoming?**  
**(A man points at the graphic on his computer screen.)**

**[Entrance hall]**

**(Price sets off a fire alarm.)**  
**PRICE: Everybody out now! Now!**  
**(He runs up the stairs.)**

"Fleeing time," everyone knew when this part came into play.

**[PM's office]**

**GREEN: What the #!*% is that for?**  
**(Sergeant Price bursts in.)**  
**PRICE: Sir, there's a missile!**  
**(And sees the Slitheen.)**  
**PRICE: Sorry.**  
**(He runs away. The missile approaches the Thames from the south. Jackie watches it pass from Mickey's balcony. Meanwhile, the Slitheen squabble over the body suits.)**  
**SLITHEEN 1: That's mine! You've got mine!**  
**SLITHEEN 2: Disguise me! Disguise me!**  
**SLITHEEN 3: You're the blonde. I want the other one.**  
**SLITHEEN 1: Take it off!**

"I'm loving the sounds of complete panic," the Master rubbed his hands together. Tenny whaled him with a pillow, which sent him flying the back end of the couch, only to be stopped by several Time Lords.

**[Downing Street]**

**(Price fires a shot into the air as his men and the remains of the Downing Street staff run out of the building.)**  
**PRICE: Everybody run!**  
**(The missile begins its descent.)**

**[Cabinet Room cupboard]**

**HARRIET: Here we go. Nice knowing you both. Hannibal!**

**[PM's office]**

**SLITHEEN: Oh, boll**  
**(KaBOOM! The iconic front door blows off in a fireball. The cupboard shakes then rolls through the remains of the building inside its steel shell.)**

"YOU GOT THEM!" everyone cheered.

**[Downing Street]**

**(The Doctor pushes the steel door off and Harriet steps out.)**  
**HARRIET: Made in Britain.**  
**PRICE: Oh, my God. Are you all right?**  
**HARRIET: Harriet Jones. MP, Flydale North. I want you to contact UN immediately. Tell the ambassadors the crisis is over. They can step down. Go on, tell the news.**

Everyone sighed, she really did know when to take charge, didn't she?

Eleven sighed for a different reason, she didn't deserve her fate-by-dalek.  
**PRiCE: Yes, ma'am.**  
**HARRIET: Someone's got a #!*% of a job sorting this lot out. Oh, Lord. We haven't even got a Prime Minister.**  
**DOCTOR: Maybe you should have a go.**  
**HARRIET: Me? Huh. I'm only a back-bencher.**  
**ROSE: I'd vote for you.**  
**HARRIET: Now, don't be silly. Look, I'd better go and see if I can help. Hang on!**

Everyone at this point were smiling. (most of them)  
**(Harriet make her way down the pile of rubble.)**  
**HARRIET: We're safe! The Earth is safe!**

**[Whitehall]**

**HARRIET: Sergeant!**  
**DOCTOR: I thought I knew the name. Harriet Jones, future Prime Minister. Elected for three successive terms. The architect of Britain's Golden Age.**  
**HARRIET: The crisis has passed! Ladies and gentlemen, I have something to say to you all here today! Mankind stands tall, proud and undefeated. God bless the human race.**

Everyone clapped at her little speech.

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**(Jackie embraces Rose as the Doctor returns to the Tardis. A little later -)**  
**HARRIET [on TV]: Mankind stands tall, proud**  
**JACKIE: Harriet Jones. Who does she think she is? Look at her, taking all the credit. Should be you on there. My daughter saved the world!**  
**ROSE: I think the Doctor helped a bit.**  
**JACKIE: All right, then. Him too. You should be given knighthoods.**

"'Lady Tyler', I like the sound of that," Rose pondered the really pressing matter.  
**ROSE: That's not the way he does things. No fuss. He just moves on. He's not that bad if you gave him a chance.**  
**JACKIE: He's good in a crisis, I'll give him that.**  
**ROSE: Oh, now the world has changed. You're saying nice things about him.**  
**JACKIE: Well, I reckon I've got no choice. There's no getting rid of him since you're infatuated.**  
**ROSE: I'm not infatuated.**

"Sure, you aren't," all of the companions of the TARDIS laughed.  
**JACKIE: What does he eat?**

"What a strange question," Eleven furrowed his eyebrows.

..."FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD!"

"I see that I get absolutely no taste whatsoever," Tenny sighed.  
**ROSE: How do you mean?**  
**JACKIE: I was going to do shepherds pie. All of us. A proper sit down, 'cos I'm ready to listen. I wanna learn about you and him and that life you lead. Only, I don't know, he's an alien. For all I know, he eats grass and safety pins and things.**  
**ROSE: He'll have shepherd pie. You're going to cook for him?**  
**JACKIE: What's wrong with that?**  
**ROSE: He's finally met his match.**

The Doctors made a face at that. Then quickly nodded.

Jackie leaned over and slapped the living daylights out of them.  
**JACKIE: You're not too old for a slap, you know. You can go and visit your Gran tomorrow. You'd better learn some French. I told her you were in France. I said you were au-pairing.**  
**(Rose answers her phone. The caller ID says Tardis calling.)**  
**ROSE: Hello**

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: Right, I'll be a couple of hours, then we can go.**

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**ROSE: You've got a phone?**

"YOU'VE GOT A PHONE!" everyone shrieked.

"Does that actual one on the outside work?" Jenny asked.

"No," Tenny shook his head.

"Yes," Eleven nodded at the same time.

"I'm confused," Jenny thought about what they both said.  
DOCTOR** [OC]: You think I can travel**

**[Tardis]**

**(The Doctor is speaking into a 1970s Trimphone!)**  
**DOCTOR: Through space and time and I haven't got a phone? Like I said, couple of hours. I've just got to send out this dispersal. There you go. That's cancelling out the Slitheen's advert in case any bargain hunters turn up.**

"Good," Ulysses nodded in approval.

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**ROSE: Er, my mother's cooking.**

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.**

"Oi!" said Mother went in an outrage.  
**ROSE [OC]: She's cooking tea. For us.**  
**DOCTOR: I don't do that.**

"DOMESTICS!" the Time Lords looked terrified.

"I can see that," Jackie looked affronted.

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**ROSE: She wants to get to know you.**

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: Tough. I've got better things to do.**

"Like being rude," Rory took a breath to rant.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"Mistreat tin dogs..."

"HUSBAND, WE GET IT!"

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**ROSE: It's just tea.**

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: Not to me it isn't.**

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**ROSE: She's my mother.**

**[Tardis] **

**DOCTOR: Well, she's not mine.**

"OH!"

SMACK THE JACK RETURNS.

"I didn't think we had to do that anymore," River's hand was bright red. The same color as Jack's face.

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**ROSE: That's not fair.**

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: Well, you can stay there if you want, but right now there's this plasma storm brewing in the Horsehead Nebula.**

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**DOCTOR [OC]: Fires are burning ten million miles wide.**

"That's horrible," Donna covered her mouth.

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: I could fly the Tardis right into the heart of it then ride the shock wave all the way out.**

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**DOCTOR [OC]: Hurtle right across the sky and end up**

**[Tardis]**

**DOCTOR: Anywhere. Your choice.**

"Aw," Amy tried to make a point, "Who can refuse that?"

**[The Tyler's flat]**

**JACKIE: Rose, I was thinking. I've got that bottle of Amaretto from New Year's Eve. Does he drink?**  
**(Rose is in her bedroom, packing a rucksack.)**  
**JACKIE: I was wondering whether he drinks or not.**  
**ROSE: Yeah, he does.**  
**JACKIE: Don't go, sweetheart. Please don't go.**

"If only you'd listen," Jackie gave a stern look at her daughter.

Rose looked sheepishly at her mother.

**[Powell Estate]**

**(Mickey is sitting on a rubbish bin reading the newspaper while the young boy is finishing cleaning off the Bad Wolf tag.)**  
**DOCTOR: Good lad. Graffiti that again and I'll have you. Now, beat it.**

"Who knew the Doctor would make him do that," Rory asked.

Everyone raised their hands. The Doctors' looks were offended.  
**(The boy runs off with his bucket and scrubbing brush.)**  
**MICKEY: I just went down the shop, and I was thinking, you know, like the whole world's changed. Aliens and spaceships all in public. And here it is.**  
**(The Evening Standard headline is - Alien Hoax.)**

"WHAT?" everyone shrieked.

"Humans sometimes miss the big picture," some of the aliens tried to put it lightly.

"It worries me how thick you guys can be," Madame Vastra sighed.

"With that dinosaur," Jenny exclaimed, "Everyone forgot it happened in a couple of days!"

"We will detonate them to keep you two in tip-top shape!" Strax pulled out his gun.

"NO!" everyone yelled.

"YES!" the Master yelled.

He got whaled by several pillows.  
**MICKEY: How could they do that? They saw it.**  
**DOCTOR: They're just not ready. You're happy to believe in something that's invisible, but if it's staring you in the face, nope, can't see it. There's a scientific explanation for that. You're thick.**

"Thick," the Doctors said to the humans like they were children.  
**MICKEY: We're just idiots.**  
**DOCTOR: Well, not all of you.**

Everyone gasped.  
**MICKEY: Yeah?**  
**DOCTOR: Present for you, Mickey. (****He gives Mickey a CD.)**  
**DOCTOR: That's a virus. Put it online. It'll destroy every mention of me. I'll cease to exist.**

"That's what that was!" Jack grumbled, "You won't believe how much harder everything became!"

"Oh, shush, pretty boy," Donna covered her face.  
**MICKEY: What do you want to do that for?**

Jack's eyes widened, _When had I been caught stalking...researching him?_  
**DOCTOR: Because you're right, I am dangerous. I don't want anybody following me.**  
**(Jackie and Rose come out of the block.)**  
**MICKEY: How can you say that and then take her with you?**  
**DOCTOR: You could look after her. Come with us.**

Everyone's eyes widened.  
**MICKEY: I can't.**

"What?" Amy whined, "Why?"

"I'll miss having your offhanded comments of a tin dog," Rory and Jack were severely stressed for his safety.

** This life of yours, it's just too much. I couldn't do it. Don't tell her I said that.**  
**JACKIE: I'll get a proper job. I'll work weekends. I'll pass my test, and if Jim comes round again, I'll say no. I really will.**  
**ROSE: I'm not leaving because of you. I'm travelling, that's all, and then I'll come back.**  
**JACKIE: But it's not safe.**  
**ROSE: Mum, if you saw it out there you'd never stay home.**  
**DOCTOR: Got enough stuff?**  
**ROSE: Last time I stepped in there, it was spur of the moment. Now I'm signing up. You're stuck with me.**  
**(Rose gives the Doctor her rucksack and goes to Mickey.)**  
**ROSE: Come with us. There's plenty of room.**  
**DOCTOR: No chance. He's a liability, I'm not having him on board.**

"I thought you offered him a spot?" Martha's eyebrows shot to her hairline.  
**ROSE: We'd be dead without him.**  
**DOCTOR: My decision is final.**  
**ROSE: Sorry.**  
**(Rose and Mickey kiss goodbye.)**  
**MICKEY: Good luck, yeah.**  
**JACKIE: You still can't promise me. What if she gets lost? What if something happens to you, Doctor, and she's left all alone standing on some moon a million light years away. How long do I wait then?**  
**ROSE: Mum, you're forgetting. It's a time machine. I could go travelling around suns and planets and all the way out to the edge of the universe, and by the time I get back, yeah, ten seconds would have passed. Just ten seconds. So stop worrying. See you in ten seconds' time, yeah?**

"You're gonna miss," the Master taunted.  
**(Jackie and Rose hug, then Rose follows the Doctor into the Tardis. Mickey gives a little wave. The Tardis dematerialises. Jackie looks at he****r watch.)**  
**JACKIE: Ten seconds.**

"Told ya so,"

"There are times like this when I really want to kill you," Tenny grumbled.  
**(Jackie goes back to the flats. Mickey carries on reading the newspaper.)**

"And the balance is restored to nature," Braxiatel said dramatically.

"What?" Ulysses couldn't believe his ears, "How did I get sons like these?"

Then, a bright flash of light filled the room and it left Jenny standing there...

"DADDY!"

**A.N. Cliffy! Now I'm gonna be evil and actually have to spend time writing the next chapter!**

**Review!**


	12. The Doctor's Adopted Brother?

**A.N. I'm back! The answer to last chapter's question was: the Daleks! Congrats to everyone who knew that.**

**Explanation:**

**That's the planet they originated from, or where they were created by Davros.**

**Thank you...um...Guest for pointing out that I'm not allowed to only beat up Jack! I'll try to beat up the Master a bit.**

**Next question:**

**What species is from Raxacoricofallapatorious? (didn't even need spell-check, WHAT'S GOING ON?)**

**Disclaimed.**

"Jenny?" Tenny and Eleven's faces were full of shock, joy, utter-confusement.

"Daddy?" the rest of them echoed.

"Where'd you get this one from, then, Doc?" Jack inspected Jenny's every detail.

"Stop it," Tenny made a disgusted face and hugged his daughter, feeling the beating of her two hearts.

"She was generated, thus we call her Jenny!" Donna explained.

"Now we've got two Jennys, though," Jenny from the Paternoster Gang exclaimed.

"Oh, good point," Eleven absentmindedly said, "How about one of you be Jen?"

"I'll be Jen!" the Doctor's Daughter proclaimed.

"Okay, now that's settled," Ulysses turned his gaze on the Master, "Someone's been a very bad boy,"

"Oh, man," Koschei snapped.

"You're not the one being punished," the Master hissed.

"Yeah, I kind of am,"

"Shut up," the Master at this point was covering his face with embarrassment.

"Dude," Theta pulled Koschei over, "I feel sorry for you,"

"I don't need your pity," Koschei snapped.

"Where'd that come from," Ushas asked, amused.

"Whatever you just thought," Tenny spoke very slowly, "Never ever think it again."

"Hey! You're not allowed to go changing time streams!" the Master tattled.

"Enough of that!" Ulysses swatted the Master over the head, "I'll have none of your take over the world sceems."

All of the onlookers smirked, amused. Except for Theta and the Doctors, they knew the full wrath their father had. Sometimes...

"We'll talk about this in the evening," Penelope looked sad.

"Point one, mom and dad," Braxiatel kept tally, "Point zero for the adopted son,"

"Adopted?" Martha spit out a random drink she had.

"Yep," Eleven said, "You asked, 'is he like your brother...' not exactly so I didn't lie,"

"Anyways the Doctor lies," Tenny finished.

"So he's kind of my in-law?" Rory pointed at the Master as he hid in shame.

"Yep,"

**A.N. Please review! And remember, I added the Master on my 'Going to be Beaten Up', list. So, tell me what type of scolding and punishment he should get later in the evening!**


End file.
